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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29018061">Seasons</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gilliananderson/pseuds/gilliananderson'>gilliananderson</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Fall (TV 2013), The X-Files</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bath Sex, Belfast, Bisexual Dana Scully, Cheating, F/F, Fingerfucking, Fluff, Forgiveness, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Fox Mulder, Lesbian Sex, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Romance, Sapphic, Scissoring, Serial Killers, Shower Sex, Smut, The X-Files Revival</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:29:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>56,044</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29018061</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gilliananderson/pseuds/gilliananderson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After being assigned to review the X files unit of the FBI, Stella Gibson meets special agent Dana Scully. A relationship blossoms, and Stella asks Dana to join her during her next assignment in Belfast. </p><p>The Fall but add Dana Scully.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Stella Gibson &amp; Dana Scully, Stella Gibson/Dana Scully</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>113</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>178</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Ache</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is the first chapter of my newest fic! i have no idea how many chapters there will be, but it’s basically going to be the fall but with dana there accompanying stella.</p><p>big big thank you to lainey, montana and danielle for the betas and just being lovely and supportive!! &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Four months had come and gone in the blink of an eye. The crisp leaves of fall quickly became the sharp wind of winter while a relationship grew like the flowers of spring.  </p><p>Dana Scully had been uncertain about the newest person <em> joining </em>their team. When she and Mulder were told someone was coming in to “review” their work, it sent a cold shiver down her spine. It wasn’t a new thing for the FBI not to trust their findings, but the last thing she wanted was to have to go on the run again. They had been there twice before and she refused to do it again. She didn’t need someone looking over their every move, criticizing the work they did just because they didn’t understand it. </p><p>When Detective SuperIntendent Stella Gibson had first entered the dark basement of the FBI- blonde hair curled into precise ringlets, clothes ironed to crisp perfection, straight to the point and determined- Dana was worried. She didn’t look like one to play around, and Dana had a gut feeling this woman would not make their jobs, or their lives, any easier. She could already see the reports she would write tearing them apart the moment she heard one of Mulder’s crazy conspiracies about aliens or supernatural phenomena. The woman had surprised her, though. She seemed to be open minded, and never had a single negative thing to report of Dana. The one time she’d confronted her about it, Stella simply stated that she found Dana’s work to be thorough, and she believed protocol was always followed. Still, the blonde made Dana nervous, and she found herself constantly watching over her shoulder.</p><p>Her faith in Mulder, and her patience for his erratic behavior had become almost non-existent through the years, which made her less sympathetic to the way he was beginning to look in the reports. She couldn’t help but feel that Stella was giving her leiway. She felt as though the woman felt bad for her, and that was the only reason she’d continued to go easy on her while still criticizing Mulder. While the blonde didn’t completely destroy him either, she certainly wasn’t as nice about him or his findings.</p><p>Dana felt guilty being relieved that she wasn’t under fire in Stella Gibson’s book, knowing that Mulder was. He had been her partner for as long as she could remember, and at one time that meant in more than just a professional way. Time had not been kind to them, though, and they had only grown apart as the years went by. She became unimportant and unworthy of his time or attention. A sadness had begun to build deep within her, and Mulder did nothing but nurture it with his efforts, or lack thereof. Instead of recognizing it and trying to help, he let it put even more distance between them, leaving Dana feeling alone and unwanted. She had started to resent him long ago for the way he stayed attached and obsessed with the x files the last time they were on the run, while she was trying to start fresh and move on. She had given up their baby and it nearly broke her. Her entire life had been taken from her when they had been forced to hide out. She needed support and love, but instead of giving her that, he turned his attention back to conspiracy. Deep down she knew that it was his own way of coping, but she couldn’t let go of the resentment that filled her anytime she thought about it. </p><p>As time passed the two women began to spend more and more time together, and slowly but surely, Dana forgot about the loneliness that had been plaguing her for so long. It started out as simple lunch outings, or going out for drinks at the end of a long work day. Stella paid for Dana’s meals and surprised her with tea or coffee in the mornings, things that hadn’t been done for her in years. She went out of her way to make time for Dana, and made her feel as though she truly <em> wanted </em>to spend time with her. She remembered the little things Dana would share with her, and made a point to use them whenever possible. For the first time in a long time she felt seen, heard, appreciated and, dare she say it, even loved. </p><p>The last thing she had been expecting was to fall for the blonde Superintendent from London, and even more so, she did not expect for Stella to fall for her in return. She had grown so used to being invisible that she didn’t think anyone would ever <em> see </em>her again, but then came Stella. </p><p>Mornings used to be spent dreading getting out of bed, dreading being a person. Work had become more of a chore, rather than the place that she had once looked forward to going. There had been a time when she was excited for crazy road trips with Mulder, or days spent filled with conspiracy down in their little basement. But that had left her completely by then, and she had grown used to the misery. It had become a daily battle just to get up and exist, but now that Stella was around everything was different. Waking in the mornings meant getting out of bed as quickly as possible so she could get to the office and see her. The only exception to that was on the weekends, in which Dana usually woke slowly and happily with Stella by her side. </p><p>Gradually, the gnawing ache began to fade away and Dana found herself feeling some resemblance of happiness again. However, with each passing day of the last month, Dana knew her time with Stella was coming to an end. Soon enough she’d be going back to London, and Dana would find herself alone in the dingy FBI basement yet again. Alone, with the exception of Mulder, who treated her as if she didn’t exist. </p><p>She began to have a hard time enjoying their rendezvous in Stella’s boujee hotel bed, nice dinners out to restaurants Dana had only dreamt of going to, walks out in the crisp D.C. winter snow. Things she’d grown to love and look forward to suddenly left a sour taste in her mouth. </p><p>Stella noticed the change, she noticed how Dana’s movements became more needy and desperate, how her eyes gleamed with tears every time they parted ways. She could see a darkness that had left shortly after she’d met Dana starting to overtake the redhead again. Color had taken the place of hollowed out cheekbones and smile lines became prominent at the sides of her mouth. Icy blue eyes that had once been empty were newly full of life and wonder. As their last week together approached, though, Stella swore she could see those changes fading. If she was honest with herself, she understood it. Stella Gibson wasn’t one to grow attached, yet she’d found herself completely taken by this bright spark of auburn fire that had entered her life. A piece of her heart that had been missing for as long as she could remember began to feel present again the more time she spent with Dana, and as their end crept closer she felt it withering away again. </p><p> </p><p>Stella hadn’t meant for the question to just slip out. While she’d contemplated asking it many times, she had thought that when or if she did it, it would be in a more delicate manner, though in a moment of fear and passion she let it slip. </p><p>Mulder, Dana and Stella had all been in the interrogation room talking to a suspect, and Stella finally cracked him into confessing. Mulder insisted on taking the man to be processed himself, leaving them alone. Forgetting they were on camera, Stella leapt out of her seat and over to Dana, trapping her against the wall. </p><p>“I can’t fathom the idea of leaving you in 6 days.” She whispered with her mouth mere centimeters away from Dana’s. </p><p>The redhead shuttered and closed her eyes. </p><p>“I don’t want you to leave me.” </p><p>Dana closed the slight gap between them and crashed her lips onto Stella’s hungrily. Their tongues intertwined, moving in sync together as both women held each other close. Stella slid Dana’s hands up, holding them above her head against the wall as her lips made their way down to her neck. The blonde found her pulse point, lightly grazing it with her teeth before soothing with her tongue. </p><p>“S-Stella. Don’t leave me.” Dana muttered, squirming beneath the blonde’s ministrations. </p><p>The desperation in Dana’s words hit Stella like a freight train and she pulled away suddenly, letting the redhead’s arms drop to her side. She looked deep into her eyes for a moment, registering all the hurt and sorrow that was buried within them. Her heart began to beat quicker in her chest as an unfamiliar feeling engulfed her. She leaned forward and met Dana’s lips again, kissing her with deep conviction, trying to show her just how important she was. The blonde felt a pang in her chest as she noticed a tear slip from Dana’s eye and it dissolved between their lips. </p><p>“Please don’t cry.” She whispered as she stopped for just a moment to take a breath. </p><p>Dana pulled her back in frantically, her lips melting over hers again like velvet. The want and the pain radiating off of Dana was too much for Stella to take. Her heart was somewhere between shattering and racing and she couldn’t take it anymore. She didn’t want to hurt Dana, she didn’t want to leave her behind in a week, and she wasn’t ready to go on living without her. Not when she’d just found her. </p><p>Stella pulled away again hesitantly, and looked straight into Dana’s blue eyes that gleamed with tears. </p><p>“Come to Belfast with me.” </p><p>It seemed to be a simple enough request in the moment, though as she began to think through the logistics of it she realized just how big of an ask it had been. Dana’s eyes grew wide as she stood staring back at Stella in disbelief. Her mind was racing. </p><p>Before either of them were able to speak the door to the interrogation room opened and Mulder came staggering in with a cocky smile on his face. </p><p>“He was taken to booking, and we’ve got another case in the bag!” He bragged as he threw the case file down. </p><p>Mulder didn’t seem to register the heaviness in the air that surrounded him as both women quietly stared at each other. He continued to mutter on about what a good job <em> he </em>had done, conveniently forgetting to give credit to the blonde who had been the one to actually get the confession. To his advantage, neither woman cared enough in that moment to correct him. </p><p>Without saying a word they followed each other out the door and back down to the office, gathering their things silently. They made their way out into the harsh winter night and stopped once they were off FBI property to look at one another. </p><p>Their nostrils stung as they breathed in sharp cold air. </p><p>“My review here is over in a week.” Stella stated, though it was a fact they both knew. “My next assignment is in Belfast. I leave in 8 days… Come to Belfast with me, Dana.” She offered again, this time with more certainty. </p><p>She knew it was a lot to ask and wasn’t sure what answer she had been expecting, but to her surprise the normally overly cautious Dana Scully had very little issue deciding her answer.  </p><p>“Yes, Stella. Yes. Please take me with you.” </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Interrogate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Mulder finds out about Scully and Stella.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>here’s chapter twoooo, enjoy!<br/>thank you to lainey and danielle for betas and loveliness!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mulder shuffled his way to his desk, footage of the interrogation in hand. He sat at his computer and promptly turned it on before inserting the disc, eager to finish the day early so he could go home. It was baseball night, after all. </p><p>Scully had been doing autopsies most of the day, so he hadn’t seen much of her. Though he didn’t mind too much, he liked having the basement to himself. He leaned back in his chair, propping his feet up as he watched through the footage, taking notes and marking down which time frames of the video were relevant to the confession. It had been a long time since the X files had a win, and despite his eagerness to leave, he wanted to be sure everything was documented correctly. As he got to the end of the video he finished jotting his notes down before closing his notebook, and allowing himself to fully lean back again. He was about to turn the video off when something caught his eye. </p><p>Mulder watched as Scully took a slight step toward the door, suddenly blindsided by the blonde who’d sprung from her chair and over to his Scully like a cheetah to their prey. He was confused for a moment as he watched Stella push Scully back against the wall, unsure what exactly he was witnessing. He saw Stella whisper something to her, practically saying it into her mouth. Mulder froze as he watched Scully reach out and press her lips against the blonde’s. He knew he shouldn’t be seeing this, that he should most certainly turn it off, but he remained frozen in place, shocked by what was unfolding in front of him. Scully’s tongue slipped into Stella’s mouth, instantly causing a jolt from within him as he yanked his legs down from the propped position on his desk. </p><p>“Scully, what are you doing?” He whispered to himself. </p><p><em> Mulder, what are YOU doing</em>, he thought. </p><p>
  <em> Turn this off.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You shouldn’t be watching this.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> This is not something you were meant to see.  </em>
</p><p>His mind was flooded as his eyes stayed glued to the screen. Finally, when Stella pushed Scully’s arms above her head and began to nip at her neck Mulder’s gaze broke away, guilt setting in for watching any of it to begin with. </p><p>The next two hours were torturous for Mulder as he waited for Scully to come back to collect her things. </p><p>
  <em> Why hadn’t she told him? Why did she hide this from him? What else wasn’t she telling him?  </em>
</p><p>A bitterness lit aflame inside him the more he thought about it. Scully was<em> his </em> girl, she had always been his girl. He couldn’t fathom the idea of someone taking her from him, especially not stone cold, hard ass Stella Gibson. How had he missed it? Was he that naive? That blind? His mind continued to race as he paced back and forth their small basement office, willing five o’clock to come so he could speak to Scully. </p><p> </p><p>When Mulder finally heard the elevator, and the echoey clicks of Scully’s heels he took a deep breath. Moments later he saw her, auburn hair illuminated by the fluorescent lights above them pulled back into a lazy ponytail. Her beauty still left him in awe. She’d changed out of her scrubs, though she still had her cap on, she seemed too tired to notice it was even there. Wordlessly Dana made her way around the office, gathering her things and getting ready to leave, all the while Mulder watching her. </p><p>“Hey Scully,” He called out, pulling Dana out of her thoughts, “Before you leave I got a question for you.”</p><p>“Hmm?” She hummed. </p><p>Her heels clicked as she made her way over to his desk, meeting his gaze, surprised that for once he wasn’t looking right through her. </p><p>“Explain this to me.” He stated, clicking the space bar of his keyboard. </p><p>His computer screen lit up showing an image of two women pressed up against each other. It took Dana a moment to realize it was her and Stella, but once she did her cheeks painted a bright shade of red. </p><p>“Oh god, the cameras.” She murmured, fixated on the recording. </p><p>Truthfully she didn’t want to be watching this. Not here, not like this, not with Mulder, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at him just yet either. </p><p>“Dana are you…” He trailed off, though his unsaid words hung heavy in the room. </p><p>“Mulder…” She hesitated, trying to collect her thoughts. </p><p>For a moment she felt guilty and ashamed. She felt caught and embarrassed and stupid. The more she thought about the position she found herself in, though, anger began to creep in. </p><p>“Explain what to you?” Dana suddenly heard herself yell, “I don’t owe you any explanation, not when it comes to my personal life.” </p><p>She was surprised by the anger that was coursing through her, but she didn't bother to try to settle it. Mulder looked taken aback, maybe even a bit hurt. </p><p>“Scully, we used to tell each other everything.” </p><p>That statement hit her right in the chest and tears began to spill down her cheeks, though it did nothing to appease her anger. </p><p>“<em>Used to </em> are the key words there.” She spat, “Mulder you hardly ever talk to me anymore. You never look at me. You’re always too consumed with the X files.” </p><p>Mulder rolled his eyes, “Oh here we go again.” </p><p>Just that one sentence cut through Dana like a knife. “<em>Here we go again</em>.” It rang in her ears, nearly bringing her to her knees. She was used to him ignoring her, to him being dismissive. She knew he didn’t like this conversation, but it needed to be said. Every time she brought it up he made her feel guilty for mentioning it, but they'd never properly addressed it. The anger within her suddenly was replaced with deep sadness as she watched the man who’d once been the love of her life look at her expectantly. </p><p>“You don’t see me, Mulder. You don’t love me anymore… you haven’t for a long time. You know it’s true.” She shakily raised her hand to wipe stray tears from her cheek. “This work has consumed you, and I tried to stand by you. Good <em> god</em>, I tried. I wanted to make it work, but it was a one sided effort. I couldn’t do it all by myself.” </p><p>Her head dropped into her hands as sobs began to escape from her throat. Mulder stood and moved to embrace her, but she stepped away hesitantly, holding her hand up to keep distance between them. His heart shattered. Scully hadn’t cried like this in front of him in so long, and the fact that she wouldn’t let him hold her killed him. </p><p>“Stella and I have been dating. Three months officially, though we did start going out before that.” She took a deep breath trying to quiet her nerves, “She <em> sees </em> me, Mulder. She gives mutual effort, and she doesn’t put me on the back burner. Her assignment with us is over after this week.” </p><p>Mulder had yet to say a word but at that his brow furrowed and he reached for Scully again. </p><p>“Oh, I’m so sorry.” He whispered, bringing her into his arms. </p><p>“No, Mulder. You don’t understand. She’s moving onto her next assignment and… And she asked me to go with her. And I am going with her.” </p><p>The room fell silent and it felt as if all the air had been sucked from Dana’s body as she waited for his response. He began to pace, rubbing his chin with his thumb. </p><p>“Well… Wh- I-” He cleared his throat, “How long? When?” </p><p>“We leave for London in five days. Then straight from London to Belfast in seven.” The room felt eerily still, “I already put in for a leave of absence; and warned the bureau there’s a chance I won’t be coming back at all.”</p><p>Her final statement sent Mulder over the edge. He stepped towards her, grabbing her by the shoulders. </p><p>“What do you mean there’s a chance you won’t come back?” </p><p>There was a fire in his eyes Dana hadn’t seen in years. </p><p>“I mean exactly what I said, Mulder.” She winced at his grip on her shoulders and he loosened it slightly, “Stella is my… my girlfriend. I am going to Belfast with her, yes, but assuming all continues to go well… I may just be moving to London with her. With my credentials I can get a job anywhere, and all I really care about now is being with her.” </p><p>Mulder dropped his hands from her shoulders, his eyes going cold. </p><p>“You’ve known her for four fucking months, Scully. What about me?” His voice was now shaking. </p><p>“WHAT ABOUT YOU? WHAT ABOUT ME?!” Anger consumed her again, “Not everything is about you, Mulder. Frankly, nothing has been about me for as long as I can remember. It’s always about you, or your sister, or your precious X files. It hasn’t been about me. Ever. Not even when I gave up our baby. I needed you. I needed love and support but instead you let this job put distance between us. The way you always have. I’m unhappy. I’ve been unhappy, cripplingly so. You didn’t notice, but it was so bad I could barely get out of bed in the mornings.” She took a breath, wiping away the fresh batch of tears. </p><p>“I may have only known her for four months, but in that time she’s brought a light and happiness back into my life that I thought was gone for good.”</p><p>Mulder said nothing as he stared at her with pursed lips. </p><p>“At this point I don’t care if it’s a risk, I’m taking a chance on my happiness. I’m putting me first, for once.”</p><p>He continued to stand silently, his eyes glued to her face. She could feel the heaviness in her chest again and it was too much to bear. She had to get out of there. She continued collecting her things, throwing her coat on before she stormed toward the door. </p><p>“Scully,” Mulder’s soft voice stopped her in her tracks, “You were wrong. I do still love you, I never stopped. I hope you find the happiness you couldn’t have here.” </p><p>Dana’s chest began to ache. She couldn’t tell if his last sentence was condescending or not, though she hadn’t heard him say he loved her in ages. </p><p>“I still love you too, Mulder. Always will. But I can’t trap myself in this cycle anymore.” </p><p>With that Dana stepped out of the office that had been a second home for so long. She closed the door behind her and a flood of emotion consumed her. Her back fell against the wall as she clutched her chest, heart wrenching sobs involuntarily escaping from the back of her throat. Loud cries echoed through the empty hall. She begged herself to move, to get up and start walking, but her feet felt as if they were nailed to the ground. The office door opened swiftly and Mulder stepped out, staring down at her, pain apparent on his face. </p><p>“Scully, come here.” He linked his arms under hers to lift her up, pulling her into a tight embrace. </p><p>“I-I don’t know how to just leave this all behind. B-But I-I Ha-Have to.” She was a blubbering mess, but he continued to hold her close. </p><p>He shushed her, running his fingers through her hair. “Hey, shh. What was it that you said? You have to take a chance on your happiness. Of course leaving everything behind won’t be easy, but if it’s what you feel you have to do, then you have to.” </p><p>A peace spread within her as he spoke. She hadn’t really been looking for his blessing, but having him give it to her without being asked meant a lot to her. </p><p>“I have to.” She repeated, pulling away. </p><p>Mulder leaned close and placed a kiss on her forehead before letting her go. </p><p>“Take care of yourself, Dana.” </p><p>Hearing her first name come out of his mouth felt wrong and she raised a brow. </p><p>“Sorry, I don’t know why I said that. Scully.” </p><p>She smiled with a nod, “That’s better.” </p><p>Heels clicked again as she made her way down the hall to the elevator, stopping to take one last look. </p><p>“Goodbye Mulder.” </p><p>“Maybe someday you can come back and visit the FBI’s most unwanted?” </p><p>She nodded silently, stepping into the elevator. The doors closed, separating them and her chest felt heavy again. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What am I doing?   </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She knew it was for the best, but she suddenly felt panicked. She stood in silence as she waited for the elevator to ding, announcing the arrival to the ground floor. Holding back sobs she sprinted to her car, practically throwing herself inside the moment she got to it. All the weight pressing against her chest escaped the moment she closed the car door, loud sobs overtaking her again. Her chest heaved, trying to intake air but it felt as if there was none. She was nearing a panic attack when her breakdown was cut short by the harsh piercing ring of her cell phone. </p><p>“Dana.” A soothing british accent hummed through the receiver. </p><p>“Stella.” She whispered with a sigh. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>——</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Dana stood outside Stella’s hotel room, hesitant to knock. She knew she had to look terrible, red face, puffy eyes, makeup streaking down her cheeks. Stella could read her like a book, though this time around all she would have to do is glance at the cover to know something was wrong. She was still trying to psych herself up when she heard the click of the door opening, causing her to jump back. </p><p>“Dana?” Stella asked in surprise, holding an ice bucket. </p><p>“How long have you been out here?” </p><p>Dana just stared at the blonde silently. Stella wrapped her arms around her, abandoning the bucket on the floor, and pulling her inside. </p><p>“What happened?” She asked as she pulled back, running her thumb softly against Dana’s cheek. </p><p>“I told Mulder.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. </p><p>Stella raised an eyebrow. “And?”</p><p>Dana stumbled her way over to the bed, and collapsed. </p><p>“I don’t know. It was a lot.” </p><p>“Dana, full sentences, please.” </p><p>The redhead groaned, setting her face in her hands as tears began to spill from her eyes again. </p><p>“Hey.” Stella whispered, pulling them back so she could look at her freckled face. “Talk to me.”</p><p>“We forgot about the cameras… When we made out in the interrogation room yesterday.” She stated, almost holding back a laugh. </p><p>A small smile spread across Stella’s face as the words sunk in. “Oh god.” </p><p>“Yeah. Sooo, Mulder saw it. Saw us. He asked me about it.” </p><p>“And?” </p><p>“I told him. Everything. I mean, I knew I’d have to tell him in the next couple days anyway, especially since today was my last day at work but… I don't know. I was powerless in the way it came about.” </p><p>Stella nodded in understanding. </p><p>“How did he react?”</p><p>“About how I expected. Surprised at first. Then badly. We fought. It ended decent enough though, I guess. He told me he still loved me.” </p><p>The blonde raised her eyebrow again, a wave of nausea spreading through her. </p><p>
  <em> What if that changed everything? What if Dana had changed her mind? Was that why she was so upset? Was she going to stay with Mulder?  </em>
</p><p>“Anyway. We said a proper goodbye. It felt weird, knowing it was most likely my last time being there.”</p><p>“How do you feel now?” Stella was nervous about her response, but she needed to know. </p><p>“Terrified. Confused. Uneasy. But sure, and excited. I want to go with you, and I know it’s the best thing I can do for myself.” </p><p>Stella nodded, a small smile curling on her lips. She leaned in and kissed Dana, pulling her close. </p><p>“I want you to be sure. This isn’t a decision to take lightly.” </p><p>“I am sure, Stel. I want to be with you.” </p><p>The blonde nodded again, taking Dana’s hand into her own. She sat next to her on the bed and held her for a while, a peaceful quiet settling through the hotel room. </p><p>“So that video… Was it hot?” </p><p>Dana couldn’t help but laugh as Stella’s voice cut through the silence. </p><p>“I don’t know. I was a little preoccupied, love.” </p><p>Stella shook her head. </p><p>“No. I’m sure it was hot, and I bet you know it. You just want to be <em> humble </em>.” </p><p>She planted a soft kiss on her lips again, lingering for a moment. </p><p>“Thank you for coming with me. It can’t be easy to leave everything behind. I hope you know I realize that.” </p><p>Dana shook her head, “No need to thank me. I should be thanking you. You’re saving me, after all.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i was nervous that i wouldn’t be able to meet expectations for the second chapter but i ended up being a little proud with how it came out, i hope you liked it!!<br/>any feedback at all is welcome!! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. London</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Stella has one last run in with Mulder. Dana and Stella leave for London. <br/>Angst, fluff, hope, new beginnings, smut.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ahh i’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get this to y’all!! my brain has refused to let me write and this was a very involved chapter. it’s extra long though and has smut, so i hope that’ll make up for it!! </p>
<p>thank you to montana and lainey for being lovely betas!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Stella sighed as she stood in the middle of her hotel room, glancing all around her. She’d checked and rechecked almost a hundred times that she’d packed everything she could, but she still worried there were things she was forgetting. Four months was the longest she’d ever spent on any assignment, and living out of a suitcase that whole time had frazzled her. She’d made sure the last time she was at Dana’s that there was nothing left there, though she still found herself tempted to text the redhead and double check that there wasn’t. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toiletries laid spread about the bathroom like confetti, occupying Stella’s mind more than it should. She still had 24 hours left in Washington, D.C. and it stressed her out that she wasn’t able to put everything away just yet. It dawned on her that maybe it wasn’t just the fact that she couldn’t finish packing, but also the weight of having to spend the next day with her lover’s ex flame, Fox Mulder. Everything was going to be different now that he knew about their relationship. She hadn’t seen him at all since Dana told him, and the mere thought of having to face him on her own unsettled her. Stella had been called a homewrecker before, sure, but this was different. She was taking Dana away from everything she knew. It was different when the person she was taking away was someone she really cared about. She found herself feeling conflicted, stressed and purely exhausted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella laid down on the crisp white cotton sheets, wishing Dana was next to her. She wanted to hold her more than anything, but she knew Dana needed to be home. She knew she needed the last couple of nights in the states to prepare. Dana was sacrificing a lot for her, and she had to give her the space she needed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was pulled out of her thoughts by her cell phone ringing, lighting up with Dana’s name across the screen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi love.” She answered quietly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A small sigh hummed through the receiver as Dana smiled at the sound of Stella’s voice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Stel.” Her voice was hoarse and raspy and Stella could tell she’d been crying.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Everything okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just had a bad dream… I don’t want to talk about it though.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Truthfully Dana was nervous to even admit what was going on in her subconscious to herself, much less to Stella. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I miss you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mmm, I know. You need to focus on yourself right now, though. Soon it’ll be just me and you, all the time.” </span>
  <span>Stella’s words brought a smile to both of their faces. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Realization began to set in, causing Stella to panic slightly. She’d never had someone around at all times. She wasn’t one to make connections like this, and the fact that she had terrified her more than she could say. Dana was so important to her already, and it was equally as unsettling as it was heartwarming. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” Dana asked, sensing the tension. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, love. I’m fine. Just tired.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was another long pause and Stella began to feel guilty. Worrying Dana could sense her apprehension, she continued. “I’ve been packing all evening and I’m stressed about making sure I’ll be able to have everything together by tomorrow morning.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I could come by and help if you’d liked.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no you need time to get things settled. We’ve been over this, babe. I’ll just have to be extra diligent in the morning before I head to wrap things up with Mulder.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a heavy silence that hung between them for a moment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right… You're seeing Mulder tomorrow.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella could hear the slightest break in Dana’s voice and it hurt her heart. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going to leave straight from there for the airport tomorrow afternoon… But yeah, I’ll be with Mulder most of the day.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana played with a loose string on the corner of her duvet and sighed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I’m going to go back to sleep.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her statement caught Stella a bit off guard, but she chose to leave it be. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, sleep well my love. I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon! London bound!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A smile spread across both their faces again as they hung up, and Dana felt the slight sadness that had set in begin to fade. It was now less than twenty four hours until she would get to start all over. With Stella, no less. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>——</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella sat with her legs crossed in the stuffy FBI basement, making her final notes before writing up her last report. Knowing how much this unit meant to Dana, she found herself being lenient despite the fact they almost never truly solved an X-Files case while she was there. Her leg had been shaking since the moment she’d arrived and got seated, awaiting Mulder’s arrival. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she finally heard the ding of the elevator and heavy footsteps heading towards the closed office door, she sat up </span>
  <span>straighter and glued her eyes down to her pad of paper. He shuffled over towards the desk, stopping a few feet in front of it before clearing his throat causing her to look up at him through thick lashes, blinking a couple times. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re sitting at my desk...” His voice was soft, but it sent a twinge of annoyance through her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right, sorry…” She stood up, smoothing out her skirt as she stepped away, “You know, maybe if you’d gotten Dana a desk when she’d asked for one I wouldn’t have to take yours.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella tried to say it in a joking manner though she feared her true tone showed through too much. Mulder simply smiled at her, choosing not to say anything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They sat in silence for a while, each working on their own individual projects, deciding to ignore the other person. Stella was deep in thought, playing with the wording of the report when she saw Mulder stand up out of the corner of her eye and walk around to the front of his desk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So… Dana’s going with you to Belfast?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella nodded, though it was more of a statement than a question. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I must say, I’m shocked. Scully’s never really been one to be spontaneous like that… The fact that she’s doing this is… Well it’s a big deal.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She swallowed, finding it hard as her throat was suddenly dry. Confrontation was the last thing she was looking for, but Mulder seemed to have other plans. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes well, I asked and she accepted. I’m quite glad she did, too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mulder shot her a half hearted smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“As much as I want to be angry and bitter, I’m actually glad. Scully’s been through so much, I’m glad she’s finally looking to find happiness for herself.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His words felt like a slight jab to Stella, a reminder that she didn’t know the woman as well as he did, but she cleared her throat and nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too. I mean, I’m glad for myself but… If this is a chance for her to start over then I love that she’s doing it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“After all the abductions, and the trauma, and having to give up our son… I just… All I want for her is happiness. She deserves that, and I only wish I’d been smart enough to be the one to give it to her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mulder trailed off after a moment, suddenly realizing maybe he’d said too much. Stella noticed his panic and held her hand out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, she’s already told me about </span>
  <em>
    <span>most</span>
  </em>
  <span> of it. I certainly know about William.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The name of his son coming off of Scully’s new lovers lips suddenly left a sour feeling inside of Mulder. He knew she was leaving, she’d told him herself and he’d spent days coming to terms with it. But something about the blonde in front of him knowing all about his and Scully’s son left him feeling bitter yet again, though he wasn’t exactly sure why. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She loved William. She would’ve been such an amazing mom… If I hadn’t left her she may have felt like she didn’t have to give him away. It’s all my fault… It’s my fault and I hate it because I know she solely blames herself.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mulder sniffled, causing Stella to feel a bit out of place. While she never minded learning more about her beautiful redheaded girlfriend, something felt wrong about this. He shouldn’t be the one to tell her these things. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anyway,” He started again, “Leaving this place means she’s truly putting this chapter of her life to rest.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella nodded, smiling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hopefully this next chapter will bring her nothing but happiness… I’ll do everything in my power to ensure it will.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mulder glanced at the clock, smiling to himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What time are you heading for the airport? I’d like to drop you off if that’d be okay with you? I just want to tell Scully goodbye one more time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Initially the offer caught Stella off guard, though the more she thought about it the more she realized it was probably a decent idea. She could save herself the cab money, and Dana would get to say one last goodbye to Fox Mulder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That would be great, actually. I think it would be really good for Dana, too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>——</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana tapped her foot against the linoleum floors of the airport, tucked away into an uncomfortable chair in a corner. She’d been waiting twenty minutes for Stella, nervous the blonde may somehow ditch her. She knew realistically that wouldn’t make sense, but her nightmare from the night before still had her on edge. The relief that filled her when she finally saw blonde curls emerge from a black car was short lived when she noticed Stella hadn’t come alone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was suddenly as if all of the air had been sucked out of the room when Dana’s eyes fell on Mulder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What in the hell is he doing here? </span>
  </em>
  <span>She thought. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She watched intently as Stella retrieved her luggage from his trunk, looking elegant as ever despite the extra weight she was dragging behind her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, love.” Stella whispered once she reached her, immediately planting a kiss on her lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh hi,” Scully winced, embarrassed Mulder was watching them, “What are you doing here?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella raised her eyebrow, suddenly worried she’d over stepped or done something wrong. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He offered to drive me so I wouldn’t have to take a cab.”</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mulder’s lips turned up into a smile, and he reached out to hug Scully. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thought I’d give Stella a ride, that way I could see you one last time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A sharp pain shot through Dana’s chest and her eyes filled with tears. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mulder,” Her voice was barely above a whisper, “It would’ve been easier if you hadn’t.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She let her face fall into his shoulder as tears streamed down her cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just had to see you one more time. Give you a proper goodbye.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella reached out and squeezed her shoulder, reminding her she was there. Dana took a deep shaky breath and smiled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you for coming. Goodbye, Mulder.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She squeezed him again tightly before letting go and grabbing her suitcase. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Take good care of her for me, will you?” He asked Stella, and the blonde nodded in agreement. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At that a slight sob escaped Dana’s lips as she turned away. She started walking, so fast she was nearly running, forcing Stella to wave goodbye and thank him again quickly before chasing after her.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana didn’t stop until she reached baggage check, and the blonde was flustered when she finally caught up with her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dana, are you okay? Are you sure that you want to do thi-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The redhead held her finger up to Stella’s lips and shushed her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, I am. I just need to get through this. Let me just-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her voice was shaking, and Stella came to the conclusion it was probably better to let her process things in whatever way she needed to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once their bags were checked, they’d gone through security, and were seated near their gate eating a late lunch, Stella could sense a wave of calm wash over Dana. She was still quiet and distracted, but overall she seemed more at ease. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A couple hours later they were in the air, Stella giving up the window seat so that Dana wouldn’t have to sit next to the man who had been staring at them since the moment they’d entered the area of their gate. Stella had wanted the window seat, and found the flight tediously long and lonely, as Dana had been asleep the entire duration of it. Every time she woke, she’d pop another pill and fall back into a sound sleep. Stella knew the redhead got nervous on planes, but she hadn’t realized it was quite this bad. Despite that, she didn’t want Dana being next to the man and she didn’t like the idea of his shoulder being an option for her sleep fogged head to lean on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella was on the verge of losing it when the pilot finally announced their descent and she sat up a bit straighter, leaning over to place a kiss on Dana’s forehead. She waited to wake her until they were officially on the ground, and shook her gently. After a few moments Dana’s eyes fluttered open, though they were still heavy with sleep. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm?” She hummed, a bit disoriented. “Hey.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella smiled at her warmly, “Hey yourself. We’re here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>——</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana looked out the window of the cab with glistening eyes, enamored with what she saw. The skies of London seemed brighter somehow, and she felt a warmth spread within her as they drove through the city. Her eyes eventually fell to Stella, who was already watching her, and she smiled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s beautiful.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The blonde shrugged, “More beautiful now that you’re here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The car was silent again as both women watched one another, willing the cab driver to go faster. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thirty minutes later they arrived at Stella’s flat and she paid the driver before taking Dana’s hand and dragging her up the steps. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, this is my home.” She said, a slight smile across her face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They went inside and Stella began to give her the tour, showing her where anything she could possibly need would be, helping get her belongings into the bedroom. Once everything was inside and set in the room Stella trapped Dana against the door, placing a sensual kiss upon her lips. She could feel that the redhead was significantly calmer than she’d been in almost a month, and it warmed her heart immensely. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Both women were exhausted from traveling, and it wasn’t long before they were showered, clad in Stella’s soft silky robes and ready to rest, cuddled up close together in Stella’s king sized bed. Despite the peace that had seemed to overtake Dana, Stella couldn’t seem to shake the uncertainties from her mind. Leaving had seemed to make some change within her, but she had to be absolutely sure Dana was doing the right thing for herself.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m happy you’re here.” Stella whispered, gently running her fingernails along the redhead’s skin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too. I can’t believe this is even real.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella hummed, thinking through what to say next. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I… Are you sure? I just want to make sure that you are absolutely positive that this is what you want for yourself.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana sat up to face Stella and rested on her elbows, her brows raising. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just mean… I don’t know, leaving the states has seemed to really help you, but I feel like it hurt you too and I want to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is what you want. I just want you to be happy, D.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The corners of Dana’s lips curled up into a small smile. “I’m positive, Stel. In fact, I’ve never been more sure of something in my entire life.” She paused for a moment to take a breath, entwining Stella’s hands into her own. “I’ve spent so many years punishing myself. After everything that happened with the FBI, and the X-Files, and William, I didn’t think I deserved to be happy. That miserable feeling just became normal, and I accepted it but… But now there’s you. You’re here, and I’m here. We’re in London, your home. Before I met you life felt hopeless. I was just going through the motions, and everything seemed so pointless. With you, I feel like I have a new beginning. There is hope again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A tear fell onto Stella’s cheek and Dana quickly reached up to wipe it away, despite a few spilling onto her own. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just want you to be happy. I love the idea of you being happy and hopeful, it’s all I could want. I want to give you that, always. You’re leaving so much behind, though. For me. I don’t want you to regret it or resent me for it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana shook her head. “I’m not just doing it for you. I’m doing it for me. I’m doing it for us.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella looked up into her girlfriend’s own pale blue eyes and smiled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just hope that I can somehow learn how to be enough for you.” The blonde placed her hand on her cheek, softly brushing her thumb against it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stella, don’t be ridiculous. You are already more than enough for me. Most times I think you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>too good</span>
  </em>
  <span> for me.” She stopped to wipe a few tears away and cleared her throat, “Honestly the only thing that’s made me hesitate is the fear that you’ll stop loving me too... that you’ll decide I'm too much and get tired of me and just…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana trailed off, her eyes suddenly glued to their hands, a lump building in her throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The other night when I told you I had a nightmare, it was actually about you. Sort of. I dreamt that we were doing this… coming to London. That you loved me and wanted me. We got here and everything was beautiful and warm and bright and I felt… Well just… Elated. But then I woke up- in the dream- and I was alone in that basement again. You’d decided not to bring me with you, and Mulder was off chasing some monster, and I was by myself, again.” Her voice caught in her throat and she choked back a sob, “When I woke up for real and realized it was just a dream I was so relieved. I can’t even begin to tell you. Since then, though, I’ve just had this fear that it’ll come true. That you’ll decide I’m not enough for you, or that I’m too much for you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella lifted her chin, looking into her eyes for a long moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I promise you, that will never ever happen. Never. You have my word on that. I love you, Dana Scully, and quite frankly I’d kill myself before I allowed myself to hurt you like that. I am so completely and unconditionally in love with you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The air suddenly grew heavy as Dana stared at Stella, her face unreadable. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can you show me?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can you show me just how much you love me?” Dana asked as she leaned forward, eyeing her lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella smirked as her heart began to beat rapidly in her chest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course I can.” She whispered, leaning in to place the softest kiss against her cheek. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana huffed slightly, and looked at the blonde with warning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t you worry, babe. I can’t wait to fuck you in my own bed. But I am going to take my time with it. ” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With that, Stella reached to push Dana back, grinning as her head hit the pillow. She leaned in and kissed her fervently, moaning as she felt Dana’s tongue brush her bottom lip. As much as she wanted to pull away and kiss her neck, Stella felt glued to her sweet lips, never wanting this moment to pass. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their kiss, passionate and heated, lasted a few more moments before Dana pushed on Stella’s chest, gasping slightly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want you.” She whispered, looking up at the blonde through hooded lids. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella smirked again, leaning down to trail kisses along her neck, occasionally biting down lightly before running her tongue over the spot to soothe it. Dana squirmed beneath her, her brain fogged with lust as Stella untied her robe. She couldn’t help the deep moan that escaped her lips as Stella made her way down, taking a nipple into her mouth gently. She’d wanted to tease her, touching her soft yet intentional, bringing her to the edge again and again, though she decided now was not the time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella paused for a moment just to stare at her, admiring the beauty of the woman she got to call her girlfriend. Dana let out an impatient groan and grabbed ahold of Stella’s hand, leading it to her breast, encouraging her to knead it slowly. Stella pulled her hand away with a smirk, shaking her head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Patience, Dana, patience.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She slithered her hand down, massaging the sensitive skin of her thighs. Dana let out a soft sigh, spreading her legs further. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please, Stella. I need you inside me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The desperation in the redhead’s voice was enough to break Stella, and she could no longer keep her lover waiting. She leaned down and slipped her tongue between Dana’s swollen folds, prompting a strangled moan to escape from her throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is this what you wanted, baby?” She asked, wrapping her lips around Dana’s clit and starting to suck languidly.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana closed her eyes and whined, nodding. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, yes like that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her words came out in pants and Stella quickened her pace as she slowly inserted a finger into Dana’s dripping heat. The redhead cried out, reaching out for blonde hair, tangling her fingers in it desperately. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to come?” Stella whispered against her pussy, her tongue immediately returning to make rough circles on her clit. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes!” Dana cried out, her hips bucking to create more friction. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella smiled, using her free hand to hold Dana’s hips against the mattress as she squirmed beneath her. She inserted a second finger, quickening her pace, meeting the rhythm of her tongue against her clit. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana was panting, grabbing at blonde strands of hair as if it was all she had to keep her on the ground. She wanted to move against Stella’s fingers but she couldn’t, her body being kept in place by Stella's strong grip. She could feel the tension building, she felt the warmth beginning to spread in her lower belly and she knew she was close. Her loud cries slowly faded out into soft whimpers, barely audible as she reached her peak. She was seconds away from tipping over the edge when she felt Stella’s fingers pull out and she groaned loudly, looking up at her in disappointment. Before she had a chance to protest or question it, Stella’s finger was pressed against her clit, rubbing against it vigorously, instantly taking the words out of Dana’s mouth. She ran her tongue up and down her slit a few times before smiling up at her partner. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to taste you while you come.” She stated, before dipping her tongue into her warm, delicious entrance. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana threw her head back, tears forming in her eyes as her orgasm washed over her. She came hard, and Stella smiled as she lapped up her juices. Her fingers continued to circle her clit slowly, helping her to ride out the rest of her climax. When she finally stilled, she looked down at Dana with wide, twinkly eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“God you’re so beautiful.” She whispered, leaning down to place a kiss on her lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She slipped her tongue inside Dana’s mouth to make her taste herself, and the redhead hummed with tired approval. They stayed in the same position for a moment so that she could catch her breath, and Stella leaned to place gentle kisses all over the redhead’s face. All she wanted for the rest of her life was to end every day kissing each individual freckle on her girlfriend’s beautiful face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, Dana. I hope you have no doubt about that, now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana smiled with a warm laugh, only giving herself a moment to recover before she hooked her leg around Stella’s and flipped them over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My doubt is nearly gone. Though I do think,” She started, leaning down to kiss Stella, “I will truly have no doubt about it once I have you screaming my name.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>An hour later they laid quietly, holding each other close, buzzing in their afterglow. Dana’s head rested against Stella’s chest, and it was quiet for a while, the only sound coming from the fan above them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dana?” Stella murmured, breaking the silence. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How are we going to make sure that you’re happy? That we’re happy?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana looked up at her with furrowed brows. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I talked to Mulder a little bit while we were still in the office and… I don't know, I just… I want you to be happy. I don’t want anything other than that for you, but I’ll need to know if you’re ever feeling unhappy or uncomfortable or unappreciated.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The redhead sighed with a nod, thinking for a moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess I’m not totally innocent in the way things happened between Mulder and me. I wasn’t ever honest about how I was feeling… But at the same time I didn’t think he’d really care. He probably deserved the benefit of the doubt.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella ran her fingers through Dana’s hair, urging her to go on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I promise, I will work on allowing myself to ask for help and make it known when I’m needing love or support or something that I don't feel you’re giving me.” She stopped for a moment and laughed, “Though so far you’ve given me everything and then some… I can’t imagine ever needing more.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella smiled. “Right well, I promise you that I will listen. I will love you, I will support you, and if needed I will drop everything when possible to make sure you get what you need from me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana’s heart began to flutter in her chest. She couldn’t help the tears that were starting to spill down her cheeks, causing Stella to reach up and wipe them away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I need one more promise from you.” Dana whispered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anything.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Promise me that you’ll do the same. I want you to have everything you need too. I want you to know how much I love and cherish you, beyond a shadow of a doubt.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella shot her a toothy grin she’d never seen before. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I promise.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>well, here’s chapter 3! i hope you liked it. i’m sorry it took so long, i’ll try to be faster with chapter 4. <br/>any feedback is welcome!! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Bell of Belfast</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Stella and Dana arrive in belfast, and Dana meets Jim Burns.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so here’s chapter 4, chapter 5 will follow very soon as i already have it written. this chapter is a bit of a calm before the storm so enjoy. </p><p>thank u bisexualreina for, as always, being a lovely beta</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Stella jolted awake, images from the upcoming case flooding her unconscious mind. She looked over to see Dana still fast asleep and sighed, not wanting to wake her jet lagged partner. Considering she’d spent hours looking through case files and getting up to speed, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that it was now affecting her dreams, but she couldn’t help the annoyance she felt. Quietly, she clicked on her bedside lamp and scribbled into her dream journal, occasionally glancing over to ensure Dana was still asleep as she wrote. She was used to cases feeling a bit personal, to getting a bit lost in them, but she suddenly found herself in a new predicament now that she had someone she cared so deeply for. What at one time would’ve been a nightmare about the case where control was taken from her and she was unable to do anything to help the victims, was now suddenly Dana being in danger at the hands of this mysterious man, and she was unable to stop him. This new type of nightmare left her feeling chilled to the bone. </p><p>Lost in thought as she wrote Stella forgot to check on Dana, and missed her stirring. The redhead’s eyes opened slowly and watched as Stella wrote, her back turned away from her. </p><p>“You okay?” She asked softly, still causing Stella to jump. </p><p>“Oh Jesus! I thought you were still asleep.” </p><p>Stella held her chest as she took a few deep breaths, eliciting a look of concern from her partner. </p><p>“It was just a bad dream, I’m <em> fine </em>.” </p><p>She knew that was technically a lie, but she certainly wasn’t about to tell Dana the truth. While it had left her feeling quite shaken, she wasn’t ready to admit the reality behind the nightmare and the feelings that came along with it. It may have been no secret that she was crazy about Dana, but she didn’t feel ready to admit, even to herself, just how much. </p><p>Dana nodded, knowing better than to push it, and leaned in to press a gentle kiss against her shoulder. </p><p>“Are you all packed for tomorrow?” She asked, knowing Stella was very particular about her packing. The blonde nodded, turning to lay face to face with Dana. </p><p>“I am. I noticed you aren’t, though.” She smiled teasingly, though there was a small bite in her tone. </p><p>“I just got everything settled, the thought of packing half of it back up again is exhausting!” Dana whined, yawning involuntarily. </p><p>Stella reached out to push strands of red behind Dana’s ears, kissing her forehead softly. </p><p>“I know you’re not used to jet lag, and it’s only been a couple days. You only have until nine tomorrow morning though, and we <em> both </em>know you’re not a morning person.” </p><p>Dana nodded with an amused smile before sighing dramatically and tossing the covers away from her body. She slipped out of the bed, stumbling towards the floor where her suitcase sat. </p><p>“What are you doing? Come back to bed!” </p><p>“No! If you’re going to make fun of me until I’m packed then I’m going to pack, right now!”  </p><p>Stella couldn’t help but laugh as she watched Dana throw her clothing onto her suitcase in one big heap. The concentrated look on her face as she carefully chose which items to bring filled Stella to the brim with adoration. </p><p>Realizing she would not be going back to sleep anytime soon Stella pulled out her laptop and started to look through the case files once again, drawing a glance from her partner. </p><p>“Stella, should you be looking over that stuff <em> again </em>?” She asked, her voice laced with concern. When Stella looked at her with confused eyes Dana shook her head. </p><p>“I’m assuming your bad dream was about this case, considering you’d been staring at all of this until the moment you went to sleep. It’s ugly, and daunting.” She paused for a moment, “I know spending too long looking at death gets to me, I can’t even imagine how bad it must be with something as horrific as this case.”</p><p>Stella sighed as she considered Dana’s words for a moment, recognizing the truth in them. There was something warm about being with someone who truly <em> understood.  </em></p><p>“Crimes are crimes,” Stella said after a moment, “But violence against women really just <em> pisses me off. </em>” </p><p>She continued to flip through the files, gritting her teeth as she looked through photos. Dana continued to pack, but she watched Stella, knowing she wasn’t quite finished. </p><p>“Some cases weigh on me more than others… I’m a bit afraid this will be one of those.” </p><p>The redhead nodded in understanding as she continued to fold her clothes, taking a mental note of Stella’s distress. </p><p> </p><p>Both women worked in silence for a while, packing and studying, getting ready for what was bound to be an interesting trip. The more Dana thought about it the more she realized she wasn’t quite sure what she would be doing every day, as Stella was the only one with obligations, but she decided she would try to go with the flow for once. She’d spent her life working day and night and while the thought of a break deeply unnerved her, she tried to tell herself that this could be a good thing. In Belfast she could focus on herself and on Stella, and wouldn’t have the ghosts of her past staring her down at every turn. For the first time in her life, this was Dana’s time. This next few months was about <em> her </em> and <em> her </em> happiness and quality of life. It was a strange feeling, but the more she thought about it the more she realized she liked the idea of it.</p><p>Dana looked up through long lashes to the blonde sitting on the bed in front of her and couldn’t help the smile that crossed her lips. <em> My girlfriend </em>, she thought, feeling giddy at just the simple notion. She truly could not fathom that she was in London, soon to be departing for Belfast, with the woman of her dreams. She had not seen Stella coming, she had thought her chances had run out and her life was destined to be nothing more than painful and unsatisfactory, yet as she sat and watched her she felt as though the world was at her disposal. Her possibilities were endless. </p><p>An hour had passed and both women had finished what they were doing, laying back down in each other’s arms. Neither of them felt like sleeping anymore, but they stayed in bed with their eyes resting, holding each other close. </p><p>“What is tomorrow going to look like?” Dana asked after a while, trying to make a mental plan of what she would do the following evening. </p><p>“Well, I don’t know. Airplane, which I assume you’ll be in a self-induced drug coma for,” Stella started with a lighthearted chuckle, “And then I imagine once we get there I’ll have someone take us to the hotel, but I don’t think I’ll go in with you… Do you think you could handle getting us checked in and getting our things up to the room?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Dana gasped, teasingly, “Not sure I can handle such a <em> difficult </em>task.” </p><p>Stella rolled her eyes but her smile never wavered. </p><p>“I think I’d like to go straight to the station once we get there. That way I can be back at a decent time in the evening, so I can be with you.” </p><p>Dana smiled, nodding. She wanted to keep talking, keep mapping out their plans, but she felt exhaustion overtaking her. She yawned, leaning up to peck a kiss on Stella’s cheek, before resigning to sleep. It took Stella a bit longer to nod off, her mind swimming with details of this case, along with her nightmare from earlier. As she felt the gentle rise and fall of Dana’s sleep-heavy breathing against her chest, she began to relax and allowed herself to rest. </p><p> </p><p>——</p><p> </p><p>Despite the flight being quick, Dana had slept from the moment they stepped foot on the plane; once again leaving Stella to endure it alone. Stella never minded flying, in fact she found it relaxing, though now that she had the company of Dana it seemed lonely with her being unconscious. </p><p>When they landed Stella woke the redhead gently, aware of how groggy she was going to be for the next few hours. Dana protested lightly at first, but once she remembered what they were doing she sighed and forced herself to wake up. </p><p>They exited the plane, found their luggage, and headed towards the main entrance of the airport, and Dana suddenly realized she wasn’t sure how they would be getting to their hotel. </p><p>“Are we renting a car from here?” She asked, noticing they’d passed the car rental desk, and Stella promptly shook her head. </p><p>Stella looked for a moment before pointing towards a group of people towards the exit, “Chief Constable Burns arranged for a car to pick us up.” </p><p>Dana registered the slight disdain in Stella’s voice as she spoke but chose to look past it and followed her towards the crowd of people at the exit. She watched as Stella led the way towards a man holding up a white piece of paper that read <em> Gibson </em> in black ink. </p><p>“That’d be Detective SuperIntendent Gibson?” She asked. </p><p>“Yes ma’am.” </p><p>“Then that would be us.” </p><p>Dana couldn’t help but smile to herself at Stella’s small insertion of power as she followed her and the man to a black sedan. The man took their bags and Dana hesitated for a moment at the notion of allowing him to load all of their luggage himself, but Stella took her hand and pulled her towards the car. She saw Stella’s shoulders drop slightly as she opened the door, though she realized why once she followed her in and saw the man in the far side of the back seat. </p><p>“Stella, it’s nice to see you.” The greying man said with a smile, though it immediately dropped as his eyes fell on Dana. </p><p>“So… This is your guest?” He asked in a disapproving tone. </p><p>“Jim, this is Dr. Dana Scully… <em> My girlfriend, </em>” Dana’s eyebrows raised at the mention of their relationship status, “Dana, this is Assistant Chief Constable Jim Burns.”</p><p><em> Burns, </em>Dana recognized that name. Stella had said it many times in the past couple of days, and she’d noticed each time she said it with a disdainful tone. Before Dana was even able to greet the man he laughed to himself and spoke under his breath, though loud enough for them to hear.</p><p><em> “ </em> You’ll really just let <em> ANYONE </em> into bed with you, won’t you? <em> ” </em></p><p>Both women clearly heard it, and it seemed as though he’d expected them to. </p><p>“EXCUSE me-” Dana’s blood was suddenly boiling and she was ready for a fight, until she felt Stella’s hand rest against her thigh firmly. </p><p>“We’ve been here for ten seconds, not now.” Stella said in a quiet, pleading tone. </p><p>The blonde turned back to him and her lips turned up into a performative smile, “Lets not have any blood baths <em> just yet </em>, yeah?” </p><p>Jim looked Dana up and down for a moment and Stella felt her stomach turn slightly, shifting so that she could block her from his view. She attempted to distract him by bringing up the case, and so they chatted back and forth for a while about where they were at and what leads they had. Though he didn’t allow the change of topic for long before his sights fell back on Dana. </p><p>“You know, Stella and I slept together once.” He bragged. </p><p>Dana looked up at Stella’s face to see her eyes wide and her mouth agape. There was no need for her sexual history to be mentioned, and Stella was clearly horrified he would bring it up. She shifted awkwardly in her seat, pulling her skirt a little bit further down, past her knees, and Dana didn’t miss it. Stella was never one to be small or self conscious, yet in this moment she saw it and her blood began to boil again. </p><p>“You’ll really just let <em> anyone </em>into bed with you, huh?” Dana mocked, rebutting his clearly uncalled for admission. </p><p>The words just slipped out and for a moment Dana was worried she may have offended Stella, though she was relieved when she saw the blonde trying to hold back a genuine laugh. She knew what kind of laugh it was, in fact it was her favorite sound in the world. The car grew silent for a while as Jim nursed the wound on his ego, and Stella continued to try not to burst out laughing. She was grateful she wasn’t alone, and she was even more grateful Dana had been there to cut through the tension.</p><p>Once they finally arrived at the hotel Stella got out with Dana to say goodbye, assuring her she’d be back just after dinner time. Dana nodded and told her she’d wait, leaning in to kiss her lips softly. She peaked behind Stella to see Jim still sitting in his seat, watching them with a pitiful expression. </p><p>“Stella, I don’t mean to shame you or make you feel bad but… him? Really?” Dana whispered with a giggle. </p><p>Stella snorted as she let out a deep laugh, quickly covering her mouth so he wouldn’t hear. </p><p>“Not my finest moment. <em> Not </em> proud of that.” She said as she kissed Dana’s forehead before turning back towards the car. “I’ll see you later, love.” </p><p>Dana watched the car drive away, making her way into the hotel lobby as a man dragged their luggage inside behind her. She checked in, assured the friendly hotel staff she could manage herself if they could just get her a luggage cart, and then made her way up to the second floor. She was impressed by how nice the hotel was, and once she got settled she couldn’t stop herself from laying on the welcoming, luxurious bed. The effects from the Xanax she’d taken for the flight were still weighing heavily on her and it didn’t take long before she was dozing off again. </p><p> </p><p>——</p><p> </p><p>Stella and Jim arrived at the station, and he showed her to her office, allowing her to get settled. </p><p>“Once you’re ready come find me and I’ll introduce you to everyone.” He stated, and she nodded in response. </p><p><em> Just don’t tell everyone we slept together, </em>she thought. </p><p>Stella got her things settled and rearranged the desk so that it was in a way she was content with. Part of her was dreading going to meet everyone, and she would’ve much rather just stayed in her office and got to work. Knowing that wasn’t an option, though, she got up and left the room to look for Jim. </p><p>Stella became acquainted with everyone, finding that for the most part they were all friendly and seemingly accustomed to hard work. In particular Stella took quite a liking to a young officer, Danielle Ferrington, and made a mental note that she would like her to be a part of the task force. </p><p>After a while of getting work done Stella was also introduced to the medical examiner, Dr. Reed Smith, who she also found a particular liking to. She laughed to herself slightly, thinking that the two people she seemed most fond of both reminded her of Dana. Dani with her red hair and kind spirit, and Reed with her strong personality and brilliant doctor mind. </p><p><em> Everything always goes back to Dana </em>, she thought. </p><p> </p><p>——</p><p> </p><p>Dana woke just before five pm, and sighed in relief that Stella hadn’t yet arrived. She’d been planning something special for her, and she needed some time to get it properly prepared. She checked her phone and saw that Stella said she’d be leaving soon, which she gauged gave her about an hour to get everything ready.</p><p>Grabbing her suitcase from the floor Dana lifted it onto the bed, pulling out the bath salts and candles she’d packed, smiling to herself. In the days leading up to their arrival to Belfast Dana had noticed how much the trip was weighing on her, so she took it upon herself to plan something nice for Stella, at least for the first night. Though, she figured the bath salts would last well into their trip. </p><p>She picked up the hotel phone and ordered room service, asking them to deliver it around eight o'clock, figuring that provided enough time for Stella to arrive, and relax for a while before the food came. After the order was placed she made her way into the bathroom, lighting the candles she’d brought, and placing them around the room. To her surprise the lights in the bathroom were dimmable so she adjusted them to a soft yellow glow, bright enough to see but dark enough to relax in. </p><p>Once Stella texted her that she was close, Dana started the bath water, adding the salts and smiling as the scent of vanilla and lavender filled the bathroom. She made sure everything was perfect, and her heart jumped when she heard the click of the hotel door opening. </p><p>“Dana?” Stella called out, looking around at the place they’d call <em> home </em>for the next few months. </p><p>Dana emerged from the bathroom and Stella smiled warmly once she saw her. It had been a short day, yet it had somehow felt achingly long and she was happy for it to be over. She was happy, too, that Dana was there, though a part of her wished she could just be alone. </p><p>“I have a surprise for you!” Dana said giddily, pulling Stella out of her thoughts. </p><p>She ran over and grabbed Stella’s hand, pulling her towards the bathroom hastily. </p><p>“I know this case is going to be stressful, so I wanted you to be able to relax on your first night here.” </p><p>Stella felt her heart flutter at the sight of the bathroom, a warm content feeling spreading in her lower belly. </p><p>“Dana, you didn’t have to do this.” </p><p>“I know, I <em> wanted </em> to.” </p><p>Dana walked over and planted a soft kiss on Stella’s lips before snaking her hand to her backside, unzipping her skirt slowly. Once it was fully unzipped she tugged at the hem of it, inching it down her legs at an agonizingly slow pace. Next she went for her blouse, her fingers lightly brushing against her skin as she unbuttoned it, never breaking eye contact. Stella sighed, letting her eyes flutter closed for a moment. </p><p>“Dinner will be here at eight, and until then you can soak in the bath.” </p><p>Stella opened her eyes again to watch as Dana unclasped her bra, slipping it down her arms, before dropping to her knees and hooking her index fingers into her underwear. She dragged them down slowly, staring into Stella’s soul as she did so. </p><p>Once she was fully undressed Dana urged for Stella to get in, leading her towards the bathtub. Stella stepped into the warmth and sighed deeply as the warm water engulfed her. She hadn’t realized her muscles were tense until she was submerged and felt them relax one by one. She opened her eyes at the sound of Dana’s footsteps and almost laughed at the notion that the redhead thought she was going to leave. </p><p>“Excuse me,” She stated, stopping Dana in her tracks, “I think you better join me.”</p><p>Dana turned back with wide eyes, looking at an expectant Stella. </p><p>“I figured you’d want some time alone, to relax.” </p><p>The blonde shook her head, gesturing for her to come back. </p><p>“I want you in here with me. Now.” </p><p>Dana shuttered at the request as she nodded. She felt Stella’s eyes on her as she undressed slowly, admittedly teasing her. </p><p>Once her clothes were abandoned on the floor with Stella’s, Dana made her way over to the tub, stepping into it and allowing a moment to adjust to the hot water before swinging her other leg in as well. She eased herself down, in between Stella’s legs and sighed as her head fell back against her chest. </p><p>“I missed you.” She blurted quietly, reveling in the combination of the heat from the water and Stella’s arms wrapped tightly around her. </p><p>They sat quietly for a while, enjoying the serene atmosphere. Dana was on the edge of falling asleep again when she suddenly felt Stella’s hands exploring her body. She opened one eye, looking down to see the blonde’s hand drawing light circles over her belly, and she sighed softly. The sensation was enough to lure her straight to sleep, but before she could doze off, Stella began to play with her taut nipples, her other hand snaking between her legs, lightly massaging her thighs. She was gentle but firm with her movements, causing Dana’s entire body to tingle. The redhead let out a soft moan and managed, </p><p>“Stella this bath was supposed to be for you.” </p><p>“Is that so?” </p><p>Stella smirked against the back of Dana’s head as she nodded. </p><p>“Well then I guess it’s a good thing this is how I want to spend my bath time.” She said as she flicked her nail over Dana’s nipple causing her to whimper, splashing water as her arm flailed to grip the back of stella’s head. </p><p>Stella smiled, reveling in how Dana’s body reacted to her touch. She inched her hand up from its spot on Dana’s thigh, and teased her folds, running her fingers through them. Her index finger pressed down firmly on her clit and Dana moaned, shifting beneath the water. Stella began to rub slow methodical circles against her, feeling her squirm against her ministrations. Dana was beginning to breathe heavily, splashing water with each movement as she grabbed for Stella’s hair behind her. </p><p>“Do you want to come?” Stella asked quietly against her ear, prickling her skin with goosebumps. </p><p>Dana nodded, “Mhmm.” </p><p>”You have to say it.”</p><p>Dana swallowed hard as her eyes fluttered open so she could look Stella in the eye. </p><p>“I want you inside me.” She said breathlessly. </p><p>Needing no further invitation Stella moved her free hand to Dana’s pussy, slowly running her finger along her slit before shallowly pushing it into her entrance. Dana whimpered, moving her hips to meet Stella’s hand, encouraging her further. Stella slipped a second finger in and eased all the way into her. She was soft and slow, fingering her languidly, no hurry or rush, her left hand continuing its slow rhythm against her clit.</p><p>Dana came quietly, euphorically flushed against Stella's chest, her head thrown back on her shoulder. Stella didn’t let up, continuing to pump into her slowly and circle her clit, urging her quickly towards another orgasm. Dana’s eyes shot open as she realized what Stella was doing and looked to see the blonde smirking against her hair. She quickened her movements, causing Dana’s previous quiet moans and whimpers to raise in volume as she edged towards her second climax. </p><p>“Stellaaaa.” She cried as her breathing became ragged, and it was music to Stella’s ears. </p><p>“Almost there baby, almost there.” Stella encouraged, dipping her head down to kiss along her neck. </p><p>As Dana’s sounds returned to soft inaudible moans, her body tensed, her head fell back. Stella felt her come undone beneath her hands again, and everything bad about the day began to fade away. Everything she’d once considered important suddenly paling in comparison to the triumph of pleasuring the woman she loved. </p><p>Once Dana had finally calmed Stella insisted it was time to get out, and to her surprise the redhead didn’t argue. Though she quickly realized why after they dried off and Dana dragged her out of the bathroom, straight to the bed. She sat her down and straddled her quickly. Dana crashed her lips on hers hungrily, tangling her fingers into damp blonde hair. Her tongue brushed against Stella’s bottom lip before slipping its way inside her mouth, exploring and tasting. Stella felt herself sigh against Dana’s mouth, wrapping her arms around her bare waist. </p><p>“I want to <em> taste </em> you.” Dana whined, suddenly pulling away and pushing Stella flat against the bed. </p><p>She gestured for her to scoot up, and so Stella did, letting her head rest against the pillows. Without hesitation Dana lowered herself between Stella’s legs, darting her tongue out between her folds. She was wet, <em> so </em>wet, and Dana was pleased. She licked her all the way up until her tongue found her clit and she pushed it down gently causing Stella to gasp. Dana began to make slow lazy circles with her tongue, feeling as Stella’s clit pulsed beneath her. Her hands reached out to entangle in her red hair, and Dana smiled. Dana’s tongue descended again until it found her entrance, slowly pushing its way in. Stella moaned, tightening her grip on Dana’s hair, causing her breath to hitch. Dana reached up with her finger, replacing her tongue against her clit, continuing her slow methodical circles as she fucked her slowly with her tongue. Stella’s breaths were shallow and thready as the room filled with her soft whimpers. Dana continued at her same pace, slow and sensual, wanting to prolong Stella’s pleasure as long she could. It wasn’t long before Stella came against her mouth, moaning loudly as her hands pulled against her hair. When Dana pulled away she smiled down at her partner whose usual kept appearance was now disheveled. She leaned down to kiss her softly, letting her taste herself. </p><p>For a brief moment they basked in their afterglow, buzzing lightly as their nerves tingled. Everything was calm and quiet and they felt perfectly content as they laid in each other’s arms. A harsh knock at the door penetrated their tranquil oasis for a moment, before they remembered it was their dinner and they both realized they were starving. They reluctantly got out of bed, putting on the fluffy hotel robes as Dana made her way over to answer the door. </p><p>They sat and ate quietly, enjoying each other’s company. Dana found that she had never felt more whole. Her body was buzzing with happiness and comfort, and she couldn’t imagine herself in a more perfect place. Stella, however, felt something brewing deep inside her and it scared her too much to acknowledge. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>well there’s some fluffy smut for you bc the never chapter is angsty as hell. i’m sorry in advance!! i hope you enjoyed! &lt;3 </p><p>as always any feedback at all is welcome!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Room 203</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Stella cheats on Dana, and learns a little something about forgiveness.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this chapter is angsty as hell i am sorry in advance. </p>
<p>thank you bisexualreina for the lovely beta!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Upon meeting Dr. Reed Smith, Dana had found herself an equal. They had been in Belfast a total of a week when Stella first introduced them on a day that Dana joined her for lunch, and the two of them quickly bonded in their own seemingly nerdy yet endearing way. By the time lunch was over Reed asked if Dana would like to hang out that evening, offering dinner and to show her around her morgue. Stella found that to be quite morbid, but encouraged Dana to accept the offer, as she was in desperate need for some time alone to process a few things.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Since arriving in Belfast Stella had begun to feel panicked over the speed at which her and Dana’s relationship was moving. Dana was always there, always around, and while she loved it, it felt a bit overwhelming at times. Stella wondered if maybe she’d allowed this to happen too fast. She thought she would be able to get past it but it was hanging heavily on her mind, and she needed time to deal with it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Something about Dana so quickly becoming friends with Stella’s colleague felt oddly domestic. It was as if she was the husband in a sitcom, introducing his wife to his coworker and they instantly bonded over shopping and romance novels. Only replace shopping and romance novels with science and morgues. She felt herself cracking, on the brink of doing something reckless, but she thought that if she could just have an evening alone to clear her mind, she would be able to breathe again. Stella wanted this life with Dana, she knew that deep down, but it didn’t stop the doubts from filling her head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dana took the rental car and left to meet Reed at the morgue, leaving Stella stranded at the station. Burns had offered to give Stella a ride, which she quickly turned down as she headed back into her office before he could insist on it. </span>
  <span>Having overheard the offer, and seeing the way it seemed to make Stella uncomfortable, Dani Ferrington took it upon herself to offer to drive Stella back to her hotel. With little hesitation the blonde accepted, thanking her before grabbing her bag to indicate she was ready to leave. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The drive was silent as Stella stared out the window, deep in thought. Her thoughts were loud, intrusive and destructive. She so badly wanted to shut them up, but she rather found herself feeding them as time went on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She would be better off without you anyways. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re going to fuck it up at some point. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>If you do it now, then it’ll save her some heartache. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re not made for this kind of life, you’re not worthy of someone who’s loyal. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You don’t deserve Dana. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella let the negative thoughts consume her, nodding with them as if she agreed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They were about halfway to the hotel when they hit a rough stretch of traffic, eventually moving forward to see that the road had been closed off and there was police tape and officers all around. </span>
  <span>Stella instructed Dani to pull over, and the younger redhead quickly obliged. Stella got out of the car, heading towards the scene, intrigue filling her. She stopped when she saw a man; handsome, young, brooding. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I help you?” He asked as she approached the police tape. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dani scurried up behind Stella, quickly intervening to say, “This is DSI Stella Gibson, sir. She’s on loan to us from the Met.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The man nodded, admittedly impressed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“James Olson.” He offered, reaching his hand out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella shook it firmly, never breaking eye contact. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What happened here?” She asked, suddenly no longer truly interested in the details of whatever crime had occurred. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The man explained to her that there had been a shooting, and it was drug related. She nodded, though that information had lost its intrigue. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They exchanged a few more pleasantries; Stella explained a bit about what she was there for and how long she’d be staying. All the while Dani stood behind her, waiting for her to decide it was time to leave. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m staying at the Hilton.” Stella said abruptly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The man was caught off guard by the random statement, but he nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very nice.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Room 203.” She stated suggestively before turning on her heel and nodding to Dani that she was ready to leave. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>——</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Stella paced the carpeted floors of her hotel room ceremoniously as she considered what she’d just done. She could lie and say she’d simply made small talk; sharing with this local man that she was visiting and residing in a swanky hotel, though she knew realistically that’s not what it had been. It was an offer, a proposal, a dare. Asking him to her hotel room was all too blunt, especially with Dana here. She would never come right out and ask him, but what she would do is drop a hint and hope he was bright enough to pick it up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Many possibilities raced through her mind as she considered the outcomes. He could not come at all, and she would be left to lay on the bed in wait for her redheaded lover to return, and they would go to bed as if nothing ever happened. On the other hand, he could show up. If he showed up, she would fuck him. If she fucked him, Dana could return prematurely and find them. That thought sent a shiver down her spine. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The last thing she wanted was to hurt Dana. She wanted to give Dana every beautiful thing in the world, but she panicked as she realized she couldn’t. She didn’t feel capable or good enough. Stella wasn’t one to allow a good thing to last. She was destructive, and the moment something potentially positive happened to her she sought to destroy it because, in her experience, it never lasted. She didn’t believe she deserved loyalty, love or permanent satisfaction, so the moment she began to receive any of those things she ruined them before they could ruin her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Things were quickly becoming serious between her and Dana, domestic in nature, and it overwhelmed Stella to her very core. She found herself wanting to retaliate and be sure it couldn’t go any further. She knew she’d eventually fuck it up, so why not get it over with. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her thoughts were derailed by a knock at the door, her blood turned to ice as she moved towards it. </span>
  <span>If it had been Dana, she would’ve used her key. If it was hotel staff, they would’ve announced themselves. There were few individuals that could be standing on the other side of her door, and she knew deep down that her bait had been taken. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella didn’t bother to check the peephole before she opened the door, seeing exactly who she’d expected to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wasn’t sure that’s what you meant?” His thick accent greeted her as she leaned against the opened door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She moved to place the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Do not disturb </span>
  </em>
  <span>sign on the handle, stepping backwards. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s what I meant.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He entered hastily, and she closed the door behind them, securing the chain to prevent Dana too abrasive of a discovery, should one occur. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She followed him into the hotel suite, back to where the bedroom was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I should shower.” He stated, but she simply shook her head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No need. I like it.” While she was not completely truthful in that statement, she didn’t have the time nor patience to allow him a shower. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella leaned forward, kissing him slowly, wincing slightly at the rough feeling of his incoming facial hair against her skin. She’d forgotten just how soft women’s skin was in contrast to men’s. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She removed his gun and it’s holster, his t-shirt following next. He reached out to touch her, but she quickly grabbed his arms, holding them firmly back at his sides. That’s not how this was going to go, and she made sure he understood that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their lips met again and she forced back a feeling of disgust towards herself as her tongue entered his mouth. He pulled a condom out from his back pocket, and she watched as he took it out of the wrapper. She pushed him backwards until the back of his knees hit the bed and he fell back. He watched with wide eyes as she reached underneath her skirt, languidly pulling her panties down her legs until they dropped to the floor. She stepped out of them, never breaking eye contact. He quickly rolled the condom on as she straddled him, beginning to unbutton her shirt, slowly and tauntingly. He reached up once there were a few buttons remaining, pulling her hands away so he could gawk at her chest. She allowed him a moment, before she returned to her task, pulling the blouse open completely as the last button was undone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wouldn’t undress fully. Her bra would stay on, her skirt and shirt too, but she would allow him to see just a glimpse of her. His eyes grazed her body hungrily and she felt a small jolt in her stomach as she remembered what exactly she was about to do. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella lowered herself onto his length, moaning softly and then quickly realizing this wasn’t actually what she wanted. She began to ride him, despite the protests in her brain trying to remind her how wrong this was. She was slow for just a moment, easing herself into it, though she found herself rushing, not allowing herself a moment to adjust. Even as pleasure started to override her doubts, she was unable to shake the reality that this was not truly the sensation she’d been craving… Dana was. She felt his hips buck to meet her and she let out a small whimper, lust beginning to fog her brain completely. She quickened her pace, desperate for nothing more than the release of an orgasm. She was close, and she felt her walls tighten around his cock as a small tear shed from her eye. She quickly wiped it away before he could see it, refusing to seem anything other than in full control.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He let out a grunting sound, and she felt him come inside her, her own climax following suit. There was a brief moment of euphoria where her mind went blank, her body tingling with sweet relief, but before she had even fully come down from her high the guilt set right back in. She lifted herself up, off of him, and flipped onto the bed next to the man, disgusted and ashamed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had fucked him, despite her better judgement, and worst of all she had betrayed Dana in doing so. Dana. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dana</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Suddenly all she could think of was Dana. When would she be back? How would she tell her? What would she think? How would she respond?  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The reality that it may be the end for them hit her and she felt bile rising to her throat. She remembered the promise she’d made to her. The promise that she’d never hurt her, that she’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>kill herself</span>
  </em>
  <span> before she’d let herself hurt Dana. Yet here she lay, in bed with a man, who obviously was not Dana, for no reason other than a quick, disappinting, half hearted fuck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a few minutes she suggested he leave, taking him by surprise. She didn’t offer him a shower, or a drink, or her phone number. Simply handed him his clothes and sent him on his way. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hours passed as Stella lay there, thin tears pooling in her eyes and spilling down her cheeks. She wasn’t pitying herself, nor was she sad; the tears were simply out of anger. She was so unbelievably angry with herself and she didn’t know how to cope with it. The thought of Dana returning to her, buzzing with excitement to tell her about the innocent outing she’d had with Reed, only to be met with the harsh unfair truth of what Stella had just done, made her feel physically ill. Stella had been the one who fucked up, yet it was both of them who would be paying greatly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>——</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At about half past ten Stella heard the click of the door opening, and her heart raced painfully in her chest. She watched through hazy, damp eyes as the redhead came into view. Her face was relaxed, a small resemblance of a smile on her lips. She stopped abruptly at the sight of Stella, her face instantly filling with concern. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stella, what happened?” She rushed over, setting her hand on the blondes cheek tenderly. “Are you okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella felt sick at the embrace, disgusted with herself that she’d betrayed her gentle, caring, trusting partner in this way. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I fucked up.” She said, her voice nasally from crying. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She pulled Dana’s hand from her cheek, forcing it away from her, only furthering the redhead’s confusion. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Stel. I’m sure whatever it is, it can be fixed.” She reached out to softly push a piece of blonde hair behind Stella's ear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no. I don’t think it can.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana watched as Stella looked up at her and for the first time she was able to see just how puffy her eyes were. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stella, I hate seeing you so upset. Please just tell me what’s happened.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With that a sob escaped from the blonde’s throat and she threw her hand against her mouth to stifle it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dana… I… Oh god, I’m so sorry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The break in Stella’s voice was enough to nearly bring Dana to her knees. She tried to think of what could possibly have distressed Stella to this extent but came up empty handed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? Why?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I… I cheated on you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana tried to process the words that came from the blonde’s mouth, but they simply weren’t computing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucked</span>
  </em>
  <span> someone else, Dana.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It felt as though the air had been sucked from her body as the words fell to her ears, though she still wasn’t convinced she’d truly heard them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You… Wait you… What?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella closed her eyes tightly, breaking at the sudden panic in Dana’s voice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t… I don’t know. I don’t know why I did it, I shouldn’t have. He wasn’t worth it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>he’</span>
  </em>
  <span> caught Dana off guard as she continued to try to process it all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just started to feel so panicked. Everything between us has moved so quickly, and believe me I'm glad it has. You’re everything to me Dana, I mean that. But I just. I panicked.” Stella stopped to inhale sharply, “It’s not an excuse and it’s not fair to you, but I just started to feel trapped. I am not used to this kind of intimacy, and my brain’s immediate response is to destroy it. Self destruction is one of the only things I’m truly good at.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana still hadn’t said a word, while Stella felt more word vomit rising. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re so present. You’re good to me, you’re attentive, you’re loving. I’m not used to that. And when you so quickly bonded with Reed, who’s a work colleague of mine, it just felt so reminiscent of… of domesticity. I got scared. I felt destructive, and I gave in to that. Except this time I didn’t only destroy myself along the way… I hurt you too and I’m not sure I can </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> forgive myself for that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana sat with Stella’s words, ruminating on them, tight lipped, silent. She knew Stella; the old Stella, the new Stella, the warped version of herself that Stella saw. She knew what was real and what wasn’t. She recalled Stella’s wording. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucked</span>
  </em>
  <span> someone else.” There was a coldness, a detachment to her words that Dana didn’t miss. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fucking</span>
  </em>
  <span> was all it was to her, and Dana knew what they had was far more. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> hurt. She wanted to scream and cry and throw things, but she didn’t have it in her. Not as she sat and watched Stella sob with remorse. It wasn’t just the empty plea of forgiveness she was used to that Stella was asking for, in fact she hadn’t even asked for forgiveness. It was pure, unwavering remorse for what she had done, and Dana recognized it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana knew Stella’s MO was to become destructive when someone got too close, she’d tried it once when they’d first started dating. Granted, on a much smaller scale than she had now. She knew Stella did things that she knew would ruin relationships, she would let it come between her and the other person and never look back. But this was different. Stella wasn’t fleeing, she was staying. She was explaining herself. She hadn’t asked forgiveness, but Dana knew she wanted to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you do it because you’re done with me?” Dana asked, finding that was the only question she needed answered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella shook her head violently, reaching out to grab Dana’s hands before hesitating, thinking she probably didn't want to be touched by her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No! God, no! I will never be done with you. It wasn’t because of you, it was because of me.” Stella’s voice cracked, “You’re everything to me, Dana. I did this because <em>I’m</em> fucked up, not because you did anything to warrant such betrayal.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was all Dana needed to know. If Stella wasn’t done with her, if she wanted to fight and work on their relationship, then Dana would allow her to. Old habits die hard, and Dana knew that better than anyone. One set back, were it to truly only be one, was not enough to throw away everything that they had. Their potential far outweighed one moment of weakness. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clearing her throat Dana nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I need some time. I need to think. I need to be alone.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella nodded back in understanding, sure that in this moment she was losing the thing that had mattered most to her, and she was solely to blame. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I understand. I’m sorry, Dana. I’m so sorry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The redhead sniffled, leaning down to place a gentle kiss on Stella’s cheek before turning towards the bathroom. The lingering feeling of Dana’s lips burned Stella’s skin as she blinked back tears. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>This is it</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thought. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She tried to lay down; to think, to write, to pick out an outfit for the following day, but all she could do was curse herself. She stared at the bathroom door for a long moment, hearing quiet weeping from the other side. Dana was hurt, and Stella felt sure there was no way she would be able to make it up to her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a while Stella heard the sound of the shower running and decided to take action. She didn’t feel right staying here. It didn’t feel right to force Dana to be in the same room, the same bed, as the person who’d just broken her trust. Acting quickly, she grabbed her duffel bag and threw a change of clothes in it along with her laptop, journal and cell phone. She scribbled a note on the pad of paper on the side table, and took one last long glance toward the bathroom door before she left the hotel suite, en route to the creaky cot in her office. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dana emerged from the shower feeling somewhat refreshed; more clear headed. She was angry, rightfully so, but she more than anything just felt sad. All she wanted was to wrap herself up in Stella’s arms, despite the anger, and never leave. She knew Stella loved her, and while it may have been naive to forgive her, she had. All she wanted was to move past this, to give Stella a second chance that she felt confident Stella would honor. Once she was dressed and ready for bed she left the bathroom, looking around the room to find it empty. She frowned, checking every corner of the suite, until her eyes fell to the scribbled on notepad. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>D- </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry about everything.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dana stopped reading after those four words, fearful that she has been wrong, that Stella was giving up. Her chest grew tight and she felt tears well in her eyes, but she forced herself to continue.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I understand that you need space and time. I respect that, and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable because of my mistakes. I’m going to stay at my office tonight so you can have some privacy. Again, I’m sorry. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And Dana, I love you. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>-Stella.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dana’s chest released lightly, relieved Stella hadn’t left for good. She sat on the bed and clutched the letter tightly against her and swore she could smell Stella’s scent lingering on it. She allowed a few tears to fall before wiping them away, and laying down on Stella’s side of the bed. It felt empty, heavy, wrong without her there. A bout of anger filled Dana again, though not because Stella cheated, but because she’d left. While she recognized it was for her own comfort, she was upset Stella hadn’t consulted her first, as it was not what she wanted. She didn’t want to sleep alone, she wanted Stella by her side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sighing, Dana closed her eyes, feeling the pooled tears stream down her cheek as she did so. She held Stella’s letter close, hugging her pillow and breathing in the scent of her shampoo. In the morning, they would talk. They would resolve this, and everything would be okay. She just had to make it til morning, she told herself. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>——</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dana woke with a dull headache, intensified by the reality that dawned on her as she continued to regain consciousness. Stella wasn’t there. Stella had cheated. Stella had left. She felt the anger engulf her once more, though this time it had nothing at all to do with the cheating, and everything to do with her leaving. Dana was mad that she’d woken up alone, mad that Stella had hidden herself away instead of staying and facing the consequences. She just wanted Stella to be there with her. She allowed herself to cry a little while longer before she took a deep breath and picked up her phone. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At the police station Stella had barely opened her eyes when her phone chirped, yanking her out of the throws of sleep.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Come back to the hotel, please. We’ll do breakfast. We need to talk. -D</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella felt her stomach drop as she read the message. She was sure this was it. She got up and threw her coat on, collecting her things, and stopping on her way out to ask Dani to cancel her morning meetings. She got into her car and sighed deeply before starting the ignition and heading towards what she was sure was a breakup. Driving in silence only allowed her brain to run wild, but she couldn’t stand the sound of the radio right now. She needed silence, despite how it was eating her alive. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After 20 minutes of unexpected traffic, Stella found herself pulling into the hotel parking garage, and reluctantly dragged herself towards the elevator. She hesitated before pushing the </span>
  <em>
    <span>2</span>
  </em>
  <span>, making it light up. Once she got up to the second floor Stella stood outside of </span>
  <em>
    <span>203</span>
  </em>
  <span> for a few minutes, hesitating. She didn’t know what to expect would happen once she entered the room, but the possibilities formed a knot in her stomach. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She entered slowly, seeing Dana sitting on the couch, breakfast already there and waiting on the table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I figured you’d be hungry, so I didn't want to wait until you got here.” Dana explained, patting the spot next to her on the couch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella dropped her bags and made her way over, sitting stiffly. There was a heavy silence for a moment as both women contemplated where to go from here. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t know what you’d be in the mood for so I kind of just got everythi-” The redhead started to explain but was cut off by a small huff from Stella. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had turned on her cold, icy demeanor, and she was holding onto it for dear life. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to face Dana, face what was to come, without it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Save it. Just do it. I fucked it up. We’re done, yeah?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stella, stop it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana’s tone was harsh, and it caused Stella to soften some, finally looking up at her. Her eyes met Dana’s and saw that they were red and swollen, as were her cheeks and her nose. She had been crying, and it was all her fault. Stella was trying to be stoic, not to cry, not to break, to be void of emotion; but the moment she looked at Dana she dissolved. Tears ran down her cheeks and she inhaled a sharp painful breath. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t get to be this way,” Dana started again, “You’re not the victim here, but you’re not the villain either. Yes, you fucked up. Yes, I am hurt and angry, but we can work past it. We can move on from this, and I want to, so don’t act like that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella nodded, taking a few more deep breaths. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I just… I thought this was it. I thought I was coming here to be dumped. Rightfully so.” She added the last part under her breath. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana caught the utterance, but chose to ignore it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want to break up with you. I want to give you a second chance, and truthfully I feel confident that you won’t let me down again. Maybe that’s naive, but I believe in you, Stella. I know this is all different and new for you. It is for me too. People make mistakes, and while I wish you hadn’t, it can’t be changed now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella took in her words, but she didn’t speak. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> second chance, Stella. Do you hear me? You’re my chance at something better, so I’m giving you a chance to come back from this. Not only because I want to, but because I need to.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella broke down slightly, letting her face fall to her hands as she cried. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Dana. I am, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I did this to you, and I promise you I will not fuck up again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana pulled her hands from her face and looked into her eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You will fuck up again. You’re human. We both are. We’re both going to make mistakes. Just, maybe don’t fuck up like </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>again. I don’t expect you to be perfect, Stella. I love you exactly the way you are. Just don’t let your self destructive thoughts cause you to do things that you can’t come back from.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella nodded in understanding, a wordless promise. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t believe this. I can’t believe you’re going to give me another chance. People like me aren’t meant to be loved. All I do is bring about chaos and destruction. How can you forgive me so easily?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana’s heart sunk in her chest, knowing that Stella’s words weren’t for pity but simply a truth that she deeply believed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stella, </span>
  <em>
    <span>hey.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Dana’s voice cracked as she dropped off the couch and onto her knees in front of Stella. </span>
  <span>She pulled her hands away from her face again, and forced her to look at her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are human. Humans make mistakes. Humans fuck up. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You </span>
  </em>
  <span>aren’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>a </span>
  </em>
  <span>mistake. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You </span>
  </em>
  <span>aren’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>a </span>
  </em>
  <span>fuck up. Don’t say things like that about yourself, okay? You are fucking amazing, and you absolutley deserve love and understanding and forgiveness.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella nodded, cursing herself for letting such an insecure and vulnerable moment occur. Dana shouldn’t be comforting her, Dana was the one who had been hurt. She nodded several more times before she took a deep breath. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay. I’m sorry.” She looked up at Dana, “I truly am sorry, and while I could never expect you to forgive me, I’m so grateful that you have. I promise you, I won’t do something like this to you again. I’ll talk to you. I’ll vocalize if something feels wrong, rather than destroying things.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana smiled warmly as her thumb ran across Stella’s cheek. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you. That’s all I’m asking for. I love you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They sat quietly a while longer, finishing their breakfast and continuing to talk about a few things. The air was calmer, there wasn’t the heaviness there had been before. Dana felt loose, released. She felt like she could breathe again, and she felt as though everything would be okay. Stella, however, still couldn’t shake the anger she felt. She had done something terrible, and even though she’d been given a second chance, she didn’t feel she deserved it. She knew she’d spend the rest of her life trying to make it up to Dana, though she wasn’t sure she could. Dana had entrusted her with a heart that had been broken, seemingly beyond repair, long ago and Stella took it into her hands, mended it and then allowed herself to drop it. In her mind, that was unforgivable. Though, as she stared at the redhead who seemed more at ease, smiling as she picked through the bowl of fruit and ate only her favorites, she forced herself to try to let go. Dana had forgiven her, and it was now her duty to be sure she wouldn’t let her down again. Trust was everything, and she would not break it again. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>An hour later they both laid in bed, exhausted after such a daunting evening and morning. Neither of them had slept well, apart and in pain, and now that they were together again they could barely keep their eyes open. As Stella laid with Dana's back pushed up softly against her, she felt the guilt seep in again. Dana sighed softly, moving closer to her still, having utmost trust and love for her, and Stella felt unworthy. Dana may have forgiven her, but she hadn’t forgiven herself and wasn’t sure she ever would. She couldn’t fathom how Dana could be so understanding and willing to move past this. So willing to love her despite her faults. Nobody else had ever cared about her like this. Nobody had ever been willing to fight for and with her, they just left.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For a brief moment she found herself feeling angry with Dana. Angry she </span>
  <em>
    <span>hadn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> kicked her to the curb. Angry she hadn’t chosen to protect herself, to give herself the chance of escaping to something better. Stella deserved to be left. Why was she choosing to stay even after she’d betrayed her? Just as quickly as the thoughts entered her head she realized they were foolish and unfair, and pushed them away disdainfully. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As if Dana could read her mind, feeling her body tense against her back, she turned her head to look at her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not mad at you anymore, stop being mad at yourself.” She whispered, smiling at the blonde and leaning up to place a gentle kiss on her nose. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella’s heart fluttered in her chest and she suddenly couldn’t help the smile that spread on her lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just because someone is not perfect does not make them any less worthy of love. I will not stop reminding you of that until you believe it.” Dana said before turning back around and closing her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella sighed, nuzzling her nose into Dana’s hair as she finally let her eyes close, desperate to sleep for a few hours before she had to return to work. She smiled at the sweet smell of Dana’s shampoo and sighed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, I love you, I love you.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>yo not gonna lie to you i cried writing this and hurt my own feelings. but i love them both and i couldn’t draw out their fight bc i just want them to be happy. <br/>as always any feedback at all is welcome!! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Yearning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Stella has to face James Olson’s death and the aftermath of infidelity.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hiya! this is a little bit of a filler chapter but there’s still some good drama in there.<br/>a lot of dialogue from the fall is included in this chapter, and that obviously does not belong to me! </p><p>thank you to my lovelies stellaxxgibson and bisexualreina for being the most wonderful betas. i love you both!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Stella stood outside Sarah Kay’s flat, the presumed third victim of her unknown killer, signing off on final orders before heading back to the police station. She’d been on the scene for almost two hours, taking in all evidence she could as well as speaking to the distraught sister of the victim. Eager to get back and begin her research, Stella made her way to the cab waiting on site for her, noticing someone approaching her in her peripheral.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Stella.” She heard a deep, familiar voice grumble, instantly catching her off guard.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “What are you doing here?” She asked, looking up to meet James Olson’s gaze. “How did you get through the security officers?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m a police officer, remember?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Not part of this investigation.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> For a brief moment her heart stopped, hoping he hadn’t somehow gotten himself assigned to the case without her knowledge.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’ve been trying to reach you, why do you keep ignoring me?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Stella laughed dryly to herself for a moment, “I never gave you my number… I would love to know how it is that you got a hold of it.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Olson’s eyes dropped to the ground and Stella cleared her throat.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Hmm?” She waited.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I uh, I got it off of someone at your unit. I told them that... that I had info for you about your case.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Stella rolled her eyes, a feeling of regret and disgust filling her.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “It was a mistake. Thought I was good at reading people. I’m sorry, it seems I read you wrong.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Stella moved towards the cab again and he reached out to grab her arm.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I have a girlfriend, alright? You need to back off. Delete my number.” She said firmly before ducking into the car.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Stella sat replaying the moment over and over again in her head. Of course this wasn’t the first time a man decided to ignore her clear signs that she wasn’t interested in anything more than a casual one night stand, but this time was different. This time she had Dana, and the last thing either of them needed was a lingering reminder of her infidelity.</p><p>A sickening feeling built in the pit of her stomach as she thought of the media messages he’d sent that sat unopened on her phone. She couldn’t help but worry that he wasn’t going to let this go. What would she do if he continued to message her? What would she tell Dana? The last thing she wanted to have to do was get someone like Jim Burns involved, but she feared if he didn’t stop she may have to.</p><p>Another thought flooded her brain, sending a shiver down her spine. What if he continued showing up at her crime scenes? What if he started talking, spreading information about her? It was already hard enough being an outsider coming in to take over a task force, and would be even harder if rumors were being spread. Just as the thoughts were threatening to consume her, Stella’s attention was ripped away by the sound of Dana gasping in bed next to her. She looked over to see the redhead shoot up, clutching at her chest before letting out a long strangled breath. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>——</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Mulder sat tapping away on his keyboard, his eyes glued to the computer screen as Dana sat in front of him with wet, heavy eyes. She was speaking, though she couldn’t hear what she was saying as the words fell from her mouth in silent jumbles. Mulder stayed fixed to his screen, seemingly unfazed by Dana’s mere existence. She might as well be invisible, she realized, and it unsettled her deeply. She stood up, looking around for someone though for a moment she couldn’t remember who. A haze of blonde hair and blue eyes flashed across her mind, refreshing her memory and an ache settled deep within her. Stella was gone. Stella left her. Stella no longer wanted her. A harsh sob escaped her lips, though no sound could be heard. She looked back over to Mulder, desperate for someone to see her, only to notice his chair empty. Dana didn’t know how, but she knew he wasn’t coming back. He was gone too. She had left him. He no longer wanted her. She was alone, completely and utterly alone.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Dana startled out of her sleep, panicking as she failed to recognize her surroundings. She panicked even more, though, once she realized where she was and who she was with. She looked over to the blonde laying beside her with her back turned and felt a heaviness build on top of her chest. Everything seemed different and unfamiliar, making her feel uncomfortable and insecure. Her thoughts roamed to Mulder and the heaviness on her chest deepened as she thought of him being an entire ocean away. She no longer had him to fall back on, and she no longer had his strong, familiar arms to hold her when the weight of the world became too much to bear. Despite the difficult reality her life with him had become, Mulder was familiar, therefore by default he was safe. He had been a safe place for her to land for as long as she could remember, and he’d been someone she knew would always be there, whether or not it was in the way she truly needed. </p><p>She had needed something new, though, and so she ran off with Stella, leaving Mulder behind and a part of her knew that meant she could never go back. It hadn’t been an issue in the beginning, because Stella made her feel warm and safe, making her decision to leave the states with her a no brainer, but now a cold and eerie energy had crept into the warm oasis she’d built with Stella, making her feel insecure. </p><p>The weight on her chest suddenly became too much to bear and Dana gasped, sitting up and clutching her chest desperately. She tried to let out a breath, though it just caught in her throat, forcing her chest to rise and fall shallowly. She felt hands on her arm as Stella pulled her close and hugged her, holding her tightly against her chest. Dana’s eyes filled with tears at the warmth of Stella’s embrace and for a brief moment all of her fears and uncertainties melted away.</p><p>She looked up into Stella’s eyes as she leaned in to kiss her, but the blonde turned her face slightly, causing Dana’s lips to meet her cheek. She reached up to try to caress Stella’s face but she quickly pulled away, making Dana’s heart sink. </p><p>“Please don’t shut me out.” She whispered, her voice breaking. </p><p>Stella shut her eyes, running her thumb against Dana’s cheek softly. </p><p>“I’m not… I’m here, I’m with you.” </p><p>“Stella I can‘t… I don’t want to lose you. I absolutely can’t lose you.” </p><p>The fear in Dana's eyes as they looked into Stella’s was nearly too much to take and she felt her chest convulse as she fought back a sob. </p><p>“You aren’t going to lose me, Dana. I promise you, I’m not going anywhere.” </p><p>The redhead still didn’t seem convinced and Stella realized a much deeper concern was to blame for this moment of insecurity. </p><p>“Love, I know you said you want to move on from this, and that you don’t want to talk about it… But I think we have to.” </p><p>Dana instantly knew what Stella was referring to and shook her head firmly. </p><p>“Dana, we <em> have </em>to. I know you. I know you’re avoiding conflict and I know that you’re afraid of losing me. I promise you, though, you needing answers from me is not going to make me leave you. You deserve answers, you deserve to process this in any way you need to, and I just have to accept it.” She stopped to brush a strand of red hair behind Dana’s ear before she continued, “Don’t you have questions, at least? God, you’ve got to have questions. I know you’re not completely over this, there’s no way. We haven’t actually talked about it. I don’t want you to pretend it’s fine and let it eat you alive.” </p><p>Dana’s firm face softened slightly, knowing Stella was right. </p><p>“You can’t just deny yourself the closure you need out of fear of upsetting me. All that will cause is resentment, and that <em> will </em> ruin us if we let it.” </p><p>The redhead laid with her head against Stella’s chest for a while, tracing light circles against her shirt. </p><p>“Who was it? Was it someone I’ve met?” Dana finally asked. </p><p>“No. It was a police officer, but not anyone I’m working with. He’s working a completely separate case.” </p><p>“Will you be seeing him again?” </p><p>Stella’s breath hitched slightly, “Ideally, no. But… even though I told him to drop it and leave me alone he’s been messaging me. He got my phone number from someone on my task force and keeps calling and texting. He also showed up at my crime scene yesterday… Used his police status to get in.” </p><p>Dana looked up to meet Stella’s gaze and frowned. </p><p>“I’m so sorry. That’s not okay.” </p><p>“It’s my own fault. I fucked up.” </p><p>“No. You cheating does not mean you deserve to have him harassing you, not at all.” </p><p>Stella sighed, ignoring Dana’s protest. </p><p>“I thought I was good at reading people. I thought he was going to be able to understand it for what it was but… I guess I was wrong.” She paused to take a deep breath, “Anyway, no. I don’t work with him so ideally I won’t be seeing him anymore.” </p><p>“Did you um… use protection?” Dana asked hesitantly, and Stella squeezed her hand as if to remind her nothing was off limits. </p><p>“Yes, we did.” </p><p>“Did it… Happen here? Did you do it here?” </p><p>Stella nodded and cleared her throat, “Yes, and I already requested a new room. They’re moving us tomorrow morning once the people currently staying in the room check out.” </p><p>“You didn't have to do that…” </p><p>“I did have to, Dana. It’s already done, and it will be better for both of us I think.” </p><p>Dana nodded, knowing Stella was right. </p><p>“Thank you.” </p><p>“You don’t have to thank me. You deserve these answers, and I am more than willing to give them to you. Anything else?” </p><p>Dana shook her head, “No. But I promise if I think of anything else I’ll ask you.” </p><p>Stella smiled as she leaned in to kiss Dana’s forehead. </p><p>“Good.” </p><p>She kissed her on the lips and Dana sighed at the contact, reaching up to run her hand through Stella’s hair, instantly causing her to break away. Dana frowned, searching Stella’s eyes as she reached up to try again, being met with the same response. </p><p>“Stop it.” She whispered, “I know this is you still trying to punish yourself, but you have to stop. It isn’t changing anything, and all it’s doing is upsetting me. I want to touch you.” </p><p>Dana tried again, this time being allowed to settle her nimble fingers in Stella’s blonde waves, though her eyes were shut tight. </p><p>“I don’t deserve you.” Ghosted across Stella’s lips, so quietly that Dana almost didn’t hear it. </p><p>“Shut up, Stella.” The redhead whispered with a tiny grin, “I love you.” </p><p> </p><p>——</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>As Stella sat in the drivers side of her rental car, racing towards the police station, she realized she hadn’t said goodbye to Dana. They’d held each other for a while after they’d finished their talk, until Dana’s growling stomach prompted them to order room service before getting ready for the day. By the time Stella was dressed and ready to go the food had arrived, and they sat and ate together as the news played on the tv, serving as background noise. Dana had gotten up to go freshen up herself when the news began reporting  a shooting that had occurred the night before. Stella had been half heartedly listening up until a familiar name caught her attention, causing her heart to briefly stop beating. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Among the victims of last night's shooting, PSNI officer, Detective Sergeant James Olson.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The words played over and over in Stella’s head, causing her to feel nauseous. She’d gathered her things and left as soon as she heard it, being driven by pure uncertainty. As she headed toward the door she heard them mention his wife and children and a small lump formed in her throat, and for a moment she felt as though she may lose the breakfast she’d just eaten. </p><p>She wasn’t sure what she was doing, what exactly she was rushing for, but she felt as though she had to. </p><p><em> You have to tell Burns, </em> she thought, though the simple notion made her head throb. </p><p>She went into autopilot as she drove the rest of the way, parking and making her way inside the station before requesting a meeting with Burns. </p><p>An hour passed and she found herself sitting across from him, an uncomfortable feeling spreading within her as she thought about what to say. She slid the newspaper with Olson’s name as the headline towards him and pursed her lips. </p><p>“He came to my hotel room.” </p><p>Jim’s eyebrows raised as his forehead creased with confusion. </p><p>“When?” </p><p>“Sunday night.” </p><p>“Why?”</p><p>Stella stared at him, tilting her head slightly. He knew her, he knew what she meant. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. </p><p>“Did you talk about his case? Or yours?” </p><p>“No.” </p><p>He was silent for a moment, and she knew what he was about to say before he could say it. </p><p>“James Olson was a married man, Stella. <em> Married </em>. Two kids.” </p><p>“That’s his business.” </p><p>Something felt wrong about that statement. In the past, that had always been her take, but now that she’d hurt Dana and saw the effects of it, it didn’t quite sit right with her. </p><p>“He wasn’t wearing a ring.” </p><p>Jim scoffed, his lips tightening into a thin line. </p><p>“I’m sure that’ll be of some comfort to his wife, when she finds out that her husband spent his last night on earth in <em> your bed. </em>” </p><p>Stella kept her stoic stance, though she felt it wavering slightly. </p><p>“You were a married man. When you spent a night in my bed.” She reminded him, the slightest trace of accusation in her words. </p><p>He was quiet for a moment as he searched for a way to change the subject. </p><p>“An SIO should display high levels of personal integrity. Demonstrate professional, ethical and moral standards. Show some self control!” He was nearly yelling by the end as Stella continued to sit silently. </p><p>Jim scoffed again, laughing slightly. </p><p>“Are you in the least bit upset that Olson is dead?” </p><p>Stella stared at him, “It was a one night stand, Jim. I am sorry that he died, but I did not know him. I’m simply reporting to you in case it comes up later on.” </p><p>She stood up to leave and heard him chuckle. </p><p>“What about that girlfriend of yours, <em> Dana </em>?” </p><p>Stella despised the sound of her name coming off his lips. </p><p>“What about her? I told her. We’re working through it. That’s not any of your business, anyway.” She considered her next words carefully for a moment, “Frankly, I think you should stop bringing up my personal life. Your comments about my sexual history have been uncalled for and I’d appreciate it if you’d stop bringing it up. It’s unprofessional. <em> Show some self control. </em>” She smiled to herself as she threw his words back at him. </p><p>With that she left the room, shutting the door behind her with a firm click as she leaned against the wall and exhaled a shaky breath. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>——</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The rest of the morning had been fairly quiet as Stella worked diligently, desperately needing the distraction of work to keep her sane. She’d gotten into a rhythm, feeling somewhat like her normal self again, when a knock pulled her out of her work. </p><p>“DCI Eastwood is here to see you, ma’am.” Dani said as she popped her head into her office. </p><p>Stella was confused for a moment, until she realized it probably had something to do with Olson and nodded for Dani to bring him in. Moments later a man with light grey hair had entered her office, taking a seat in a chair off to the side of her desk. She made her way around to the front of her desk, leaning against it as she reached out to shake his hand. </p><p>“DCI, Matt Eastwood,” He started, “I’ve spoken with Assistant Chief Constable Burns. He tells me that Detective Sergeant Olson visited you in your hotel room on Sunday evening.” </p><p>“That’s correct.” Her voice was crackly. </p><p>“Can you tell me the purpose of that visit?” </p><p>“Sexual intercourse.” She stated, her bluntness clearly catching him off guard. </p><p>“Did you… converse at all?” </p><p>“Very little.” </p><p>There was a pause for a moment as Eastwood waited for her to elaborate, but she continued to stare at him without speaking. </p><p>“We retrieved two phones from Sergeant Olson’s body. One a contract phone, the other one an unregistered pay-as-you-go. Does your number feature on that list?” </p><p>Stella sighed as she snatched the paper from him, skimming her finger along the names before she replied. </p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>“Mark the calls for me.” </p><p>With an annoyed sighed Stella turned to grab a highlighter, marking the dozens of times her number was listed on the sheet. </p><p>“Several of these are media messages. Can you tell me what he sent you?” </p><p>“I didn’t open them.” </p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“I didn’t want to.”</p><p>“Because he was a married man?” </p><p>“I didn’t know that at the time.” </p><p>“But you didn’t think to ask?” </p><p>Stella smirked, a bit shocked at the blatant misogyny. </p><p>“He didn’t think to tell me.” </p><p>There was another pause as Eastwood waited for her to speak again. Before either of them could say another word there was a light knock at the door. Stella looked over to see red hair peeking through the crack in the door, though to her delight, it wasn’t belonging to Dani as she’d expected it to. </p><p>“Dana! Hi, love.” She smiled warmly. </p><p>“Hey, I’m sorry to interrupt. I brought you lunch, I just wanted to let you know I’m here.”</p><p>Stella smiled, turning to Eastwood. </p><p>“This is my girlfriend, Dr. Dana Scully. Dana, this is DCI Matt Eastwood.” </p><p>Dana nodded, greeting him politely before slipping back out of the office to wait for Stella in the break room. Stella turned her attention back to Eastwood, briefly checking the watch on her wrist. </p><p>“I know nothing that will help you with your inquiry, and I have a lot of work to do.” </p><p>He nodded, smirking to himself slightly as he gathered his things. Stella made her way around her desk to sit in her chair, her eyebrow raising as she watched him walk to the front of her desk. </p><p>“Your girlfriend, huh? Does she… does she know?” He asked. </p><p>“Yes. I told her.” </p><p>A somewhat puzzled look adorned his face as he watched Stella for a moment. </p><p>“When did you first meet Sergeant Olson?” </p><p>Stella laughed to herself dryly. </p><p>“That’s what really bothers you, isn't it? The one night stand?” She watched him with a slight smirk on her face, “Man fucks woman. Subject, man; verb, fucks; object, woman. That’s okay. Woman fucks man. Woman, subject; man, object. That’s not so comfortable for you, is it?” </p><p>A somewhat amused– potentially even impressed– look crossed Eastwood’s face as he turned to head towards the door. He left the room without another word, leaving Stella at her desk to breathe for the first time since he’d entered her office. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>——</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Dana sat in Stella’s office, across from her as they both picked at the food she’d brought. The air between them was a bit heavy, which left Dana feeling disappointed. They’d spent so long talking only hours before, and she’d thought that things were better between them, though this was making her second guess. Stella sighed after a while, letting her fork drop as her face fell into her hands. </p><p>“You know how I told you the guy was a police officer?” Stella asked, still holding her hands over her face. </p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>“He was shot last night. I had to tell Burns about the affair, and he told DCI Eastwood, that’s why he was in my office when you got here.” </p><p>Dana stared for a moment, unsure of what to say. </p><p>“Shit… I saw that all over the news this morning. That’s… fuck, that’s crazy.” Her gaze met her girlfriend’s and Stella smiled awkwardly, relieved to finally be talking to someone who wasn’t judging her. </p><p>“Are you okay?” </p><p>“I’m fine. I didn’t actually know him. It’s just crazy, and the way these men are treating me because of it really isn’t sitting right with me.” </p><p>Dana reached across the desk and tucked a stray piece of Stella’s blonde hair behind her ear as she watched her intently. </p><p>“I’m fine, really. It’s just been a long day already. I can't wait to leave here and be with you.” </p><p>Stella reached over and set her hand against Dana’s cheek, softly running her thumb along it. </p><p>“Well text me when you do leave here, and I’ll make sure dinner is waiting for you when you get back. Be ready for dinner, a bath and maybe even a movie. I’m going to make sure you relax tonight.” </p><p>Dana reached her hand up and pressed it lightly against Stella’s that was still caressing her cheek. Stella’s gaze met the table, and Dana instantly knew what she was thinking. </p><p>“Don’t say it… Don’t even think it. You do deserve me, Stella.” </p><p>Blue eyes tore away from the table to meet her own and Stella’s face softened. </p><p>“You don’t know what I was thinking.” She said with a playful grin. </p><p>“Oh but I do, Stella. I know every thought you have before you have it.” </p><p>Dana suddenly pushed her food away from her, towards Stella, and got up, dragging her chair along with her. She planted herself right next to Stella on the other side of the desk and turned to look at her. </p><p>“I didn’t like being so far from you.” She said with a dramatic pout, causing the blonde to throw her head back chuckling. </p><p>“Well I'm glad you came closer, then.” </p><p>Stella leaned in to kiss Dana on the lips, both women sighing at the contact. Dana’s hand reached up and planted itself on Stella’s cheek as she deepened the kiss, reveling in the intimacy that had been missing the last few days. The redhead stood abruptly, lowering herself on Stella’s lap just as fast, all the while never breaking the kiss. Stella thought about protesting for a brief moment, though it felt too good to have Dana so close to her, so she let the thoughts melt away as she held her close. Their tongues explored each other’s mouths as the kiss gradually became more passionate, nearly on the edge of being unable to stop, when the sound of Stella’s office door flying open tore them away from each other. </p><p>Jim stood in the doorway, mouth agape, with a giant stack of papers in his hand. His mouth closed and his lips turned up into some resemblance of a smile as he fought to find words to say. </p><p>“Knock! You’ve got to knock!” Stella spat, feeling annoyed at the interruption, especially because it had come from Burns. </p><p>“I’m… sorry… We got a little break in the case, thought you’d want to know.” </p><p>A mixture of excitement and disappointment filled Stella as she looked at her girlfriend who was no longer in her lap but rather back in her seat next to her. </p><p>“Go on, you’ve got work to do.” Dana assured her with a smile. </p><p>Stella nodded at Burns and informed him she’d join the rest of them in a minute as she turned her attention back to her girlfriend. </p><p>“I’m sorry we were cut short.” She said with a frown, taking another piece of fruit on her fork and quickly shoving it into her mouth. </p><p>“No worries, you have work to do, I understand that.” </p><p>Stella went to stand but Dana quickly rose with her and grabbed her arm, pulling her flush against her. </p><p>“Besides, I'll have you all to myself later, and I’ve already got a million plans, baby.” She whispered, causing a shiver to shimmy down Stella’s spine. </p><p>The blonde looked at her with dark, twinkling eyes and grinned. </p><p>“I can’t wait for tonight then. I’ll see you later, love.” She stated before pecking one last kiss to her lips and making her way out of her office. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>aye, hope you enjoyed. don’t know when another update will come through, i’m starting to hit a little bit of a wall with writing but i will keep pushing through when i can.<br/>if you’ve read this far thank you, it means more than i can say. </p><p>any feedback is welcome, as always!! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Closure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dana has a talk with Mulder that leads her to lay down some roots. She and Stella explore new territory sexually.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i put a lot of love into this one but also it’s half smut so... make that make sense. anyways, i hope you enjoy!</p><p>thank you to bisexualreina and stellaxxgibson for, as always, being wonderful betas and a wonderful support system!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dana chewed the inside of her cheek nervously as she stared down at her phone, contemplating whether or not to hit the call button. Mulder had been on her mind a lot since the dream she’d had and she desperately just wanted to hear the sound of his voice. Things between her and Stella had settled and she was beginning to feel secure again, despite the loneliness she felt while Stella worked tirelessly. A chat with an old friend, something deeply familiar, seemed necessary for the sake of her sanity. </p><p>When her cheek was raw and sore she took a deep breath and picked her phone up off the bed, pressing the call button with a trembling finger. It only rang a couple times before she heard a rustling through the receiver. </p><p>“Scully? Is everything alright?” </p><p>She sighed at the sound of his deep, comforting voice. </p><p>“Yes, yes. I’m fine Mulder. I just… wanted to talk to you. I um… I was thinking about you.” </p><p>The other line was silent for a moment. </p><p>“How’s everything going for the FBI’s most unwanted?” She asked, praying this wasn’t going to be how the entire phone call would go. She heard him clear his throat, mumbling an inaudible sentence to someone else. </p><p>“Uh, yeah. It’s fine. Really great actually.” He stopped to clear his throat again, “They assigned me a new partner. His name is Tim Jefferies. He actually believes in aliens and paranormal phenomena and all that other crap you thought was foolish.”</p><p>For a reason she couldn’t quite put her finger on his words slammed against her chest like a freight train. The dismissive way he was approaching their conversation, the way he was dangling the news of this new partner over her head. She knew, realistically, he had a point. She had never been one to believe in his conspiracies, and she had never been shy in telling him so. Surely it had to be tiring having someone, your partner especially, questioning your every move as you made them. Still, Dana couldn’t help the pressure that built on her chest as she thought about being replaced. </p><p>“That’s <em> great</em>, Mulder.” </p><p>Her words were forced, her voice barely above a whisper. There was another silent pause and for a moment Dana felt as though she might shatter. She heard chatter in the background again before Mulder’s breath could be heard against the receiver. </p><p>“Hey Scully, want me to ship your ‘<em>I want to believe poster</em>’ to you? Jefferies and I took it down and it’s just been in a heap on the floor.” </p><p>At that Dana felt the damn in her chest burst and she stifled a harsh sob. Something about his words felt so final, so heartbreakingly dismissive. He had moved on without her, seemingly without a shred of difficulty. Not once had he mentioned missing her or thinking about her- even after she admitted she’d been thinking about him. His new partner was apparently everything she could never be, and they were settling in nicely together, even going so far as to redecorate the place.</p><p>Dana had dedicated so much of the last decade to Mulder. Trying to get him out of his rut, trying to remind him that a world existed outside of the X files. He had become a hermit, and in turn she had too. She’d worked tirelessly for and with him, hoping that someday he’d come out of the shell he’d become, yet he never did. </p><p>Despite her efforts, he refused to change and she began to realize that she wouldn’t be able to make things better for either of them, not in the way she hoped to. Her decision to leave had not been one she’d seen coming, but then again, she hadn’t seen Stella Gibson coming either. Leaving was something she decided she had to do for herself, and so she did. Never in a million years, though, did she think her departure would be what would pull Mulder out of his rut. </p><p><em> He’s better off without me there</em>, she thought as her heart shattered, <em> All I did was hold him back.  </em></p><p>She suddenly felt so easily replaceable, and it was too much for her to take. She zoned out as Mulder rambled on about the case he and Jefferies were working on, wishing more than anything he would just talk to her. Really talk, no bullshit about work or ghosts or aliens. She missed him, so deeply it threatened to break her, and yet he seemed to be utterly indifferent. </p><p>“Mulder,” She cut him off mid story, “I actually have to go now.” </p><p>“Oh, okay. I should really get back to work anyway. Goodbye Scully!” </p><p>His tone was cheerful and then he clicked off, ending the call without a moment's hesitation. She felt the pressure push against her chest again but she exhaled shakily and jumped up from her spot on the couch. This wasn’t happening, not today. The last week had already been filled with its fair share of sadness and uncertainty and she didn’t have the mental energy to endure it any longer. </p><p>Without thinking, Dana packed her laptop, phone and the novel she’d been half-heartedly reading since arriving in Belfast, into a bag and headed straight for the door. She was seemingly in survival mode as she walked down the hall, stopping only once she reached the elevators. She didn’t take another breath until she’d made it outside of the hotel, taking in the cool Belfast air. </p><p> </p><p>Dana’s feet carried her as her mind followed aimlessly until she reached the cafe just a block away. A few minutes later, she’d ordered a coffee and a muffin, finding a seat by the window to settle herself into. She sat and tried to read, though her conversation with Mulder was weighing too heavily on her heart for her to truly focus. It momentarily felt as though the metaphoric rug had been ripped out from under her and she no longer knew what to do with herself. Her thoughts briefly wandered to Stella and she felt herself calm, though she hadn’t seen the blonde in two days which only fed into the loneliness she felt. </p><p>In the throws of her sadness about Mulder, Dana found herself making a decision. Her conversation with him had made one thing abundantly clear, there was truly nothing for her to go back to. Her parents were gone, Melissa too; Charlie hadn’t spoken to the family in over a decade, simply leaving Bill Jr. who Dana had no desire to keep in contact with. Her only connection was Mulder. She had no friends, no family, no one who even missed her once she’d left. All she currently had was Stella, and that thought unnerved her. Though, the more she thought about it, she realized she was in a much better position now than she had been back in the states. Mulder consumed her and her life; neither of them had friends or even colleagues who regarded them in any respectable way. One week with Stella had already led to a new potential friendship with Reed Smith, and that realization warmed her almost immediately. </p><p>Stella was good for her, and she knew that. That’s why she’d followed her. However, she needed to get back on her own footing a bit; and so she opened her laptop and began to research. She skimmed through all potential job openings in London that she could qualify for and found herself feeling giddy at the prospect of a few of them. Teaching jobs, medical jobs, law enforcement jobs; with her credentials the world might as well have been her oyster. She bookmarked as many of the options that caught her attention as she could, sighing contently as she finished up. There would still be a while before she’d be back in London, but the idea of having some sort of plan filled her with a whole new sense of security. </p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>——</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Stella let out a deep breath as she closed the case file in front of her, rubbing her hands over her face a few times. It had been two days since she’d been back to the hotel, or seen Dana. She was stressed, achy and miserable, but most of all she just missed her girlfriend. The task force had planned to work into the late evening hours but Stella found herself too exhausted to focus and decided she was of no use to them in the condition she found herself in. </p><p>After notifying Jim and Dani that she’d be leaving for the evening, she made her way out to her rental car, barely able to think straight as she got into the driver's seat. She grimaced at the rain coming down in a hefty shower, knowing it was going to make her drive even more difficult. Images of crime scene photos flooded her brain and she couldn’t flush them from her mind no matter how hard she tried. They still had little to no information to go on as far as who the killer might be, and Stella found herself feeling simply deflated. </p><p>Blaming it on the exhaustion, she started the car and started to hazily drive to the hotel, fighting with herself to even keep her eyes open behind the wheel. Loud claps of thunder kept her from ever truly dozing off, though it did little to settle her nerves. The rain was blinding and the only relief was when sharp flashes of lightning would shoot across the sky, though she knew the thunder would follow straight after. </p><p>Stella let out an exasperated sigh of relief when she finally made it safely to the hotel, and made her way towards the elevators. The moment she reached them, however, the relief vanished. She felt tears of frustration threaten to spill from her eyes as she stared at the orange <em> Out of Order </em> signs plastered on each elevator door. She stood for a moment, wallowing in her self pity, before she turned to find the stairs, sighing deeply as she walked towards them. Forgetting that they had been moved to room 529 just a few days before, Stella hiked her way up the stairs until she reached the second floor, a wave of relief washing over her as she made her way to room 203. She stopped abruptly when she saw the door as unwanted, intrusive memories flashed through her mind. The realization struck her that this was no longer their room and a deep grumble escaped from her throat as she turned and stomped her way back towards the stairs.</p><p>When she made it to the fifth floor she was out of breath and her legs shook slightly beneath her, though she was grateful to have had a minute to clear her head from the details of the strenuous case. She made her way into the hotel room and barely noticed that everything had been dimmed.  Without hesitation, she made her way over to the bed and immediately removed her coat before crawling onto it and collapsing, kicking her shoes off beside her. Stella was so tired she didn’t even think about Dana for a moment, not until she heard the water running in the bathroom and saw her standing in the doorway with a small smile on her face. </p><p>“Stella.” Dana beamed, causing a smile to turn up on the blonde lips. </p><p>“Aren't you a sight for sore eyes.” </p><p>“Rough day?” Dana asked, making her way over to the foot of the bed. </p><p>“Try a rough few <em> days</em>. <em> Especially </em> since I wasn’t able to be with you.” </p><p>The redhead chuckled, reaching out to grab one of Stella’s feet, massaging it methodically with the pad of her thumb. Stella couldn’t help the moan that escaped her lips and the room instantly felt heavier. </p><p>“I missed you.” Stella confided, her eyes opening again. </p><p>“I’m quite sure I missed you more.” Dana said, crawling her way onto the bed until she was hovering over the blonde. </p><p>“I don’t think that’s possible.” </p><p>Dana leaned down and kissed Stella, softly at first, though it quickly became sloppy and desperate. Stella reached her arms up to wrap around Dana’s torso and pulled her in closer to her, reveling in the warm pressure of her body against her own. Dana pulled back suddenly, kneeling between Stella’s now parted legs. She reached for Stella’s blouse, slowly unbuttoning it as her fingers grazed the skin beneath the fabric. A soft whimper escaped the blonde's lips at the gentle contact, and Dana couldn’t help but smile. A sudden eagerness could be felt between them and Dana hastily reached underneath Stella to unclasp her bra as she made quick work sliding it and the blouse down her arms. She dipped her head and took a nipple into her mouth, feeling Stella’s tensed muscles release at the sensation. She sucked gently, kneading both breasts with her hands before switching her mouth to the other nipple, repeating her ministrations. She reveled in the soft sounds escaping Stella’s lips, like music to her ears. Her fingers hooked into the waistband of Stella’s skirt and languidly slid it down her legs, repeating the same motion with her panties. Stella was dripping already and it made Dana’s mouth water. </p><p>“You’re <em> so </em> wet.” She whispered as she laid beside Stella, snaking her hand in between her legs. </p><p>She rubbed gentle circles on her clit, feeling Stella squirm beside her, encouraging her to speed up. After a long, sloppy kiss, Dana returned to her spot in between Stella’s legs and replaced her finger with her mouth, sucking her clit generously. She reached up and laid one arm across Stella’s hips before moving her free hand to her pussy, collecting the juices she found there before shallowly dipping her fingers inside her. </p><p>This was the first time Stella was letting Dana touch her like this since the affair with Olson, and while she was enjoying it, memories of that night flooded her mind momentarily. She felt repulsed and disgusted with herself for what she’d done, unwilling to forgive herself for it. She was fighting her pleasure, denying herself the release she’d been craving since she’d last been <em> with </em>Dana; though as she continued to slowly finger her, Stella’s will to fight it faded. The way Dana made her feel was so different from whatever that moment with Olson had been, and it didn’t take much for her to recognize that. Her touch was soft, intentional and loving. As Dana worked her closer to her climax, the thoughts of him began to erase from her mind and she found herself fully present for Dana, willing to take everything she was giving her.</p><p>She came on a strangled moan, her fingers laced in Dana’s hair, pulling slightly as her orgasm overwhelmed her. </p><p> </p><p>They laid in silence for a while, the exhaustion Stella had felt before returning as she held Dana close. Her fingers were gently massaging her scalp, leaving red curls messily scattered. They had enjoyed the quiet, until thoughts of Mulder began to torture Dana again and she fought with her urge to weep to Stella about what had happened. Stella noticed the change in her breathing and looked down at her with concerned eyes. </p><p>“What’s the matter, love?” She asked, placing her finger underneath Dana’s chin to meet her gaze. </p><p>Dana’s lower lip quivered, involuntarily jutting out into a small pout, and she quickly threw her hands over her face to hide it. Stella reached to pull her hands away, though by the time she was able to pry them off, Dana had returned her face to a stronger facade. </p><p>“I’m fine.” She stated, looking down as she began to bite the inside of her cheek. </p><p>“Do you wanna know how I know when you’re not fine?” Stella asked, causing the redhead to look up at her with quizzical eyes. </p><p>“Because you bite your cheek like that.” She said, gently placing her index finger against the soft skin and pushing back against her teeth that were gnawing the tender flesh. </p><p>“I spoke to Mulder today.” Her voice was hoarse and low. </p><p>“Oh yeah?” </p><p>“Yeah… It was- It wasn’t good.” </p><p>“How so?” Stella frowned. </p><p>“I just wanted to hear his voice. I miss him, you know. He was such a big part of my life and it feels wrong to just have him missing completely from it now.” She stopped for a moment and Stella squeezed her tighter, urging her to continue. “He has a new partner. One who shares all of his same… views. He took <em> my </em> poster down. I told him I’d been thinking about him and he didn’t even respond… No ‘I miss you’, or ‘I’ve thought about you too’. It was as if we were strangers. Despite everything we’ve shared he makes me feel so god damn invisible.” </p><p>Stella felt Dana’s breath hitch slightly as she held in the sobs that wanted to escape. </p><p>“It was just so hard and reminded me just how <em> replaceable </em> I am.” </p><p>Stella leaned in to kiss her temple, lingering for a moment to let the warmth radiate between them. </p><p>“You’re not replaceable. There is only one Dana Scully, and she should be treasured at all costs.” She paused, “I’m sorry it was so hard for you, baby.” </p><p>Dana nuzzled her nose into Stella’s neck and took a deep breath. She sat on her words for a moment before speaking, her spine tingling nervously. </p><p>“Stella... <em> Why </em> do you love me?”</p><p>The question came as a shock to the blonde for a moment, but she knew this was reassurance that Dana needed desperately, and she knew her answer without having to really think about it. </p><p>“I love you ... Oh god. I love you because… you’re brilliant, and you’re funny, and you’re hopeful and thoughtful and forgiving. I love you because you love me.” She stopped to inhale sharply, feeling tears threaten to pool in her eyes, “Because despite all the things you’ve been through that you could’ve let harden you, you love so deeply and fully and completely. You love so <em> fearlessly</em>, Dana, and you make me want to be a better person. You make me want to be someone who’s deserving of you.” </p><p>Dana wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting as a response when she’d let the question slip from her lips, and nothing could’ve prepared her for the thoughtfulness of Stella’s answer. A few tears escaped from her eyes as she looked up at the blonde, truly in awe. </p><p>“You also happen to be incredibly sexy and give me earth-shattering orgasms, but that’s just a bonus.” </p><p>Dana let out a laugh, it was deep and genuine and Stella couldn’t help but join her, interlacing their fingers so that Dana couldn’t hide her face. As their laughing subsided, Stella's gaze fell on Dana’s lips. The air shifted again, and the need to be close to her was overwhelming. Stella lifted Dana’s chin so she could look into her eyes and smiled warmly. She leaned in to kiss her softly before rolling herself over on top of her. The urgency both women felt when they’d first been reunited had melted away and Stella slowly planted light kisses all over Dana's face, neck and chest. She was delighted to find that Dana wasn’t wearing anything other than a t-shirt, and hastily slipped her hand under the soft fabric to massage her tits. Dana’s head rolled back as she sighed softly. </p><p>“Dana,” Stella said as she suddenly rolled off of her, catching the redhead off guard. </p><p>“Hmm?” </p><p>“Sit on my face.” </p><p>Dana blinked a few times, equally touched and shocked by Stella’s request. This wasn’t something they’d done before, not this way around, and Dana knew that Stella was relinquishing a bit of her power in this moment, all for her. She nodded, feeling a bit shy as she sat up in the bed and threw her legs around Stella to straddle her. She let her hips rest on her torso for a moment, leaning down to place a loving kiss on her lips. </p><p>“Are you sure?” She asked and Stella replied with an eager nod as she slid down further on the bed. </p><p>Dana nodded in reply before slowly inching her way up until her pussy was aligned with Stella’s face. She eased herself down slowly and gasped as she felt Stella’s mouth on her, instantly spreading a warmth throughout her. She began to grind against her face, whimpering as Stella fucked her with her tongue. Her hands reached out for the headboard, her knuckles turning white as she grasped it tightly. She looked down to see Stella looking at her with hooded, lustful eyes and it was nearly enough to send her over the edge right then and there. She moaned loudly, grabbing and kneading her tit as she continued to grind against Stella’s mouth, reveling in how deeply this angle allowed her to fuck her. The pleasure began to build to a point of almost being painful, and Dana shied away from the sensation for a moment though Stella quickly grabbed her hips to hold her back in place, causing Dana to cry out. They were on the verge of risking noise complaints, as Dana vocally appreciated riding Stella’s face, but soon enough her moans and cries turned to soft inaudible sounds as she came undone on top of Stella. When she finally felt Stella release the grip on her hips she collapsed next to her, shuttering as she came down from her high. The blonde flipped over on her side, admiring her handy work as she watched Dana tremble next to her on the bed. She gently stroked red strands of hair out of her face, kissing her temple softly. </p><p>“I love you Dana, so very much.”</p><p>“Oh, Stella. I believe you.” </p><p>She laid her hand on the blonde’s cheek and stroked it gently with her thumb. She sighed softly. </p><p>“I love you too.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i hope you enjoyed! thank you for reading. </p><p>any feedback is appreciated, as always!! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Sick day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dana has a head cold, and Stella leaves work to take care of her.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this chapter is purely fluff, just something calm before things pick back up again. i hope you enjoy! <br/>i used a tiny bit of dialogue from the fall, so again that doesn’t belong to me. </p>
<p>thank you, as always, to stellaxxgibson and bisexualreina for being my most favorite betas.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Stella sat flipping through paperwork at her desk, reading and re-reading the gruesome details of Annie Brawley’s attack. Ms. Brawley was the fourth and only surviving victim of the unknown killer, though she was incompasitated and unable to provide any more information to the case. Stella was antsy, feeling discouraged after so many weeks with so few leads. She needed a win, something to remind her what she was doing there. Spending hours upon hours away from home, working night and day, used to be right up Stella’s alley, though recently, something had shifted. Lately she found it tedious more than anything else. The more time she spent at work with no leads and no action was just time that could’ve been spent with Dana. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her frustration of the day only increased due to the fact that she had yet to hear from Dana who, like clockwork, called her every morning once she was up for the day. It was nearly two pm and there had been no word from the redhead, which deeply unsettled her. She tried to put it aside, focusing on her work, though she found it difficult when all she had to do in the way of work was read through the same old notes and files they’d had since the beginning and hope that something new jumped out at her. Nothing ever did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The last straw came when Stella caught Jerry, one of the male officers, snickering at something. She went over to investigate to find that he was laughing at a video he’d found of Annie Brawley. The video displayed Annie sitting in front of her webcam, stating explicit things she would like done to her. Stella’s stomach dropped as she watched, knowing if the media got a hold of this video they would tear the poor girl to shreds. Her blood began to boil as she watched the officer half-heartedly attempt to hide his amusement.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now there’s an invitation to dance if ever I heard one.” He said once the video stopped playing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella pursed her lips, glaring at him for a moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Check every message she ever sent and received. Get the details of anyone she contacted or who contacted her. This could be pure fantasy webcam fun. Cybersex and nothing more. So prioritize any correspondence that even hints at a real meeting in the real world.” She paused for a moment, “And Jerry, I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> interested in judging, just in finding the killer.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With that she stormed away, grabbing her bag and heading toward the exit. Her anger and frustration had built to intolerable levels and she felt as if she might explode when she heard the shrill ring of her cellphone, pulling her out of her thoughts. A relieved sigh escaped her the moment she saw Dana’s name appear on the screen, and she hastily accepted the call.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dana?” Stella answered, concern laced in her voice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi babe. I’m sorry I haven’t called you yet… I slept most of the day.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you alright? You sound awful.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana let out a small laugh followed by a deep crackly cough and a sharp inhale. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine, Stella. It’s just a head cold.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you need me to leave work? I can. I actually–” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No Stella really, I’m fine. Besides, the less time you’re here with me the better… We don’t need you getting sick too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay. Whatever you say Dr. Scully.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When you leave tonight will you bring back a few things for me?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella smiled, already pulling her notepad from her pocket, “Of course.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have cold medicine, but I’m going to need more. Also my chest is so tight, I need some Vicks Vapor Rub.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The blonde nodded, jotting down her girlfriend’s requests.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Got it. Anything else? Anything at all, just say the word.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana paused for a moment, and Stella heard her take in a deep, wheezy breath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well… Some soup does sound quite nice and also…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella waited but when Dana didn’t elaborate she cleared her throat expectantly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want to tell you the other thing. You’ll make fun of me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No I won’t, I promise. Just tell me so I can get it for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to watch a movie.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay… Have a specific movie in mind?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s what I don’t want to tell you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just </span>
  <em>
    <span>TELL</span>
  </em>
  <span> me Dana.” Stella said, feigning annoyance, though she was mostly amused.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to watch </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mean Girls</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella rolled her eyes, but scribbled it down, keeping her mouth shut as she’d promised she would.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You got it. I’ll see you after a while, love. Please rest.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m the doctor, not you.” Dana said, pulling another smile from the blonde.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh hush up. Doctors always make the worst patients. I love you. I’ll see you later.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella hung up, and despite Dana’s insistence she had already made up her mind- she was leaving early. She turned around to go find Jim, walking into his office to see him typing away at his computer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m leaving early. Dana’s ill.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright… Is she okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t know,” Stella lied, “Guess I’ll find out when I get there. Let me know if anything comes up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded, and before he could ask any more questions Stella turned to leave his office, walking swiftly back down the hallway. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Stella stopped at the drugstore, picking up the items Dana had asked for as well as water, Gatorade, cough drops and chapstick. She had to go to three different stores to find the movie, but she was determined and eventually found it. Dana had mentioned many times how much she liked the soup at the cafe down the street from their hotel, so rather than getting her something from a can, Stella stopped in, ordering their chicken noodle soup before finally heading toward the hotel.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>——</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella walked into the dark hotel room, switching the light on to see a small lump of blankets sprouting red hair on the bed. She walked over, leaning in to place a kiss on Dana’s warm forehead, causing the redhead’s eyes to flutter open.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stella? Is it 7 already? I swear I just closed my eyes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No love, it’s only 4. I came home early.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana sat up, swaying slightly and holding her head as a wave of dizziness hit her. Stella reached out to put her hand against her cheek, and felt as the weight of Dana’s head began to fall against her embrace.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stel, I told you </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> to leave. I’m fine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The blonde sat down and rested her girlfriend’s head against her shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know what you said, but I didn’t listen. I had a disaster of a day, and I really just wanted to be here, taking care of you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t need you to take care of me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you don’t, Dr. Scully. I want to though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella held up the bags in her hand, smiling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Medicine, soup, a few extra things and…” She groaned before she could say, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Mean girls.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana laughed and lifted her head, “I’m sick and I want to watch a cheesy romcom.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re only getting away with this because you don’t feel well.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella stood up and walked over to the couch, sitting as she got all of the things she’d purchased situated on the coffee table. Once she was pleased with the setup, she walked back over to the bed, holding her hands out to Dana. The redhead reluctantly took them into her own, allowing Stella to pull her up from the mattress, wincing as the dizziness returned from the sudden movement. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella looked at her with concern but Dana simply stared back at her, as if to remind her she's </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>. They made their way over to the couch and Stella sat Dana down before walking to the other side, sitting next to her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Eat your soup. Eat all of it, and then I’m going to help you relax some.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana’s eyebrow perked up and she looked over to Stella who quickly shook her head. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“We’re not doing that. You’re ill. I’m thinking more along the lines of a bath before you watch your god awful movie.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re watching the movie with me.” Dana stated as she took a sip of the warm soup. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The broth was bordering on too hot but she didn’t mind as it soothed her throat as it went down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s a spoon in the bag you know.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know. I want to drink it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella sighed as she stood up, knowing taking care of her doctor girlfriend was going to be a pain in the ass from start to finish. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“I’m going to run your bath. Eat your soup.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Stella walked into the bathroom, turning the faucet on and letting the water heat up. She didn’t want it to be too hot, but she knew the warmer it was the more steam there would be, which would help Dana breathe a little easier; she didn’t need a medical degree to know that much. She added some bath salts, though only a little as she didn’t want to irritate her skin. Once the bathtub was full she turned the water off and dimmed the lights as she walked out, shutting the door behind her to keep the steam inside. Dana was still planted on the couch where she’d left her, finishing off the rest of the cup of soup. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Was it good?” She asked as she made her way over, cracking open the water bottle she’d bought. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think so. To be honest I can’t taste much.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana’s lip jutted out into a pout and Stella couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle. She leaned down and captured the pouty lip with her own, kissing her softly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stella!” Dana protested, pushing the blonde away, “You’re gonna get sick!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hydrate.” Stella ignored her warning as she held the water bottle out to her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana took it reluctantly and only took a few sips before she rejected it. Stella sighed, making a mental note to make her drink more later, and held her hand out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, your bath is ready.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana took one step into the bathroom and sighed deeply. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s steamy in here.” She croaked as Stella pushed on her shoulders lightly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s the idea. Go faster, you’re letting it all out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana began to undress, wincing with each movement. She no longer had any smart comments to make as she felt the aches throughout her body. Stella moved over to the tub, feeling the water to make sure it wasn’t too hot, then held her hand out to Dana. She grabbed onto it, stepping one foot into the water and then the other, easing the rest of her body down until she was fully submerged. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is the temperature okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All Stella got was a nod as Dana’s eyes shut slowly. The room was quiet for a few minutes as Stella watched her closely, analyzing the way her chest roughly rose and fell with each breath. Dana tried to inhale deeply but it got caught in her throat, forcing her eyes open as she wheezed a little. She let out a small whimper as a deep cough rattled her chest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella stared at her with wide, concerned eyes. She knew Dana simply had a cold, though it’d been a long time since she’d cared for someone she truly loved while they were ill… In fact the last time had been her father. She shook the morbid thought from her mind as she felt Dana’s hand grab hers, causing her to look back at the redhead to see that she’d settled again, though her breathing remained broken and wheezy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll be right back.” She said as she got up from her spot next to the tub and stepped out into the room, closing the door behind her. She grabbed a fresh pair of pajamas from the closet, the Vicks Vapor Rub off the table and made her way back to the bathroom hastily. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Obviously you’ll need more of this once you get out, but for now…” Stella set the clothes down on the counter, and brought the vapor rub over to the tub with her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She scooped a generous amount into her hand as she kneeled, rubbing it gently on Dana’s chest. A sound that resembled both a moan and a groan escaped the redhead, but her body visibly relaxed as the vapor rub sat upon her skin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Better?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So much better.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella smiled softly, reaching her hand out to push strands of red hair behind Dana’s ear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The bathroom grew silent again, the only sound being Dana’s light wheezing. Stella let her sit there until the water began to chill and she worried it would make her sicker. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on love, time to get out.” She stated, holding up a fluffy white towel. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana grumbled in protest, shifting slightly beneath the water. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dana, the water is cold now. You have to get out.” She waited, but got no response. “The sooner you’re out the sooner we can watch your awful movie.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At that, one of Dana’s eyes shot open and a smirk spread across her face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well you should’ve led with that.” Her voice was hoarse, and her throat was slightly sore. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella helped her out and began drying her off, placing gentle kisses on random places on her body as she went. Once she was dry, Stella left her to get dressed while she went to get the dvd set up. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My whole body hurts.” Dana whined as she walked in and plopped herself down on the couch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella didn’t respond, though she made a mental note as she continued getting the movie ready. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hydrate.” She said again, pointing toward the water and Gatorade on the table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana took a sip of the water, stopping when its cool temperature made her cough. Stella watched as she grabbed the bottle of cold medicine and popped two pills in her mouth, hesitating before taking another drink of water. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The movie’s ready.” Stella stated, walking over to where Dana sat on the couch. She gestured for her to turn, and laid her back against the arm rest, covering her with a blanket. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where are you gonna lay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Next to you, don’t worry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella started to massage her shoulders, gently working out the knots and kinks she found there before moving to her neck. Dana moaned, feeling her aching muscles release slightly under Stella’s skillful hand. The blonde went back and forth between her left shoulder and neck a few times until she felt that her muscles had loosened. She grabbed the tub of vapor rub, scooped another generous glob into her hand and slowly massaged it against Dana’s chest, feeling her skin prickle into goosebumps under her touch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that better?” She asked once she finished, wiping her hand off on a towel. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Much.” Dana whispered as she relaxed back into the couch cushions. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella took her spot next to her and hit play on the dvd player, dread filling her as she did so. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why this movie?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Stella. It’s a comfort movie I guess.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella draped Dana’s legs across her lap and reached for her foot, beginning to massage it methodically. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Refusing to feign approval, Stella watched Dana intently as she watched it, smiling to herself as the redhead quoted lines from the movie sleepily. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a while of begging, Dana broke Stella and got her to pay at least some attention, though she quickly found her mind wandering back to work. She was deep in thought about Annie Brawley when the sound of Dana’s voice interrupted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tina Fey is so hot.” Dana muttered, her speech slurring from the cough medicine. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella let out a small laugh, “Is that so?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes. Look at her.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella looked up to see her on screen wearing only a bra, as her shirt clung to the sweater she was trying to take off. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not as hot as you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up, this is about Tina Fey right now, Stella.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She laughed again, thoroughly amused by her girlfriend’s drug induced state. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Stella continued massaging Dana’s legs and feet, noticing as her eyes began to grow heavy, barely staying open. The movie continued to play, though Stella’s sole focus was on her partner. She watched the rise and fall of her chest, relieved to see it wasn’t nearly as labored as it had been before. She seemed peaceful and relaxed and it made Stella’s heart flutter knowing she’d helped her to get there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Taking care of Dana was something that had felt right but also terrifying, as she was unsure she would be any real help. She considered her track record to be poor, thinking of her father and his outcome yet again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a while of watching Dana rest, Stella was sure she’d fallen asleep and carefully reached for the remote to turn the movie off. Within seconds one of Dana’s eyes popped open. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Turn it back onnnn.” She whined as she turned over on her side. “And leave it on.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella sighed with defeat, feeling caught, and turned the tv back on reluctantly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sat through the entirety of the movie, worried that if she turned it off again Dana would wake from her much needed slumber. She refused to budge until the credits finally began to roll, it was only then that she felt safe to switch the tv off before carefully sliding out from underneath Dana’s legs. She watched the redhead quietly for a moment, smiling to herself as she scooped her up off the couch. Dana’s arms instinctively wrapped around Stella’s neck as she carried her, making the blonde swoon. She laid her on her side of the bed gently, exhaling at the realization she hadn’t woken up through the transfer. She placed a soft kiss on her forehead and covered her with the duvet before leaving to get herself ready for bed, coming to terms with their early bedtime of 7:30 pm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once her clothes were changed, face washed and teeth brushed, Stella joined Dana, slipping underneath the covers that were already warmed up from her girlfriend's sleeping body. She let a deep breath out through her nose as she realized just how content she was with the way her afternoon had been spent. The grueling work she had faced in Belfast would have typically been her cup of tea, but as she lay next to her sick partner she realized that her taste had begun to change. She was less hungry for chaos and danger, she was starting to realize her craving was for something much deeper. Something stable. Something domestic. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella was pulled out of her thoughts by a small wheeze from the redhead next to her as she began to stir. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stella?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, love?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How did I get to bed?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I carried you… You’re like a little feather, Dana.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did the movie finish?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella nodded, brushing red hair from her face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes. I let it play until the very end.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The corners of Dana’s mouth curled up into a small smirk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ha! You liked it didn’t you? Don’t lie!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella rolled her eyes, “No. I was just afraid if I turned it off you’d wake up again, since you did the one time I tried to. And no, I wasn’t watching it. I was watching you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana laced her fingers into Stella’s that were resting on her cheek and brought her hand down to her mouth, gently kissing each knuckle. She coughed a couple times, groaning as she clutched her chest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can you hold me?” She asked, her voice barely above a whisper as her eyes squeezed shut. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Without hesitation Stella pulled her in close, kissing the top of her head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I really was watching you, and I must say Tina Fey doesn't even hold a candle to you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana smiled, though she didn’t open her eyes, as she nuzzled in closer to Stella. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why are you letting me cuddle up to you? You’re going to get sick.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because you asked me to, and because I wanted to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stella tightened her grip and began to run her fingers through her hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t care if I get sick. I just want you to be comfortable.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana smiled, “I care if you get sick. I don’t want you to feel the way I do right now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyes remained closed as she talked, and Stella leaned down to peck a kiss on her red puffy nose. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go back to sleep, darling. Don’t worry about me. You need to rest.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dana tried to move in closer still, nuzzling her face into Stella's neck as she took a deep breath. The room was silent again and Stella felt herself relax as she held her girlfriend close. She began to realize that </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> was exactly what she wanted. She was done running from it, done lying to herself. It terrified her and shook her to her very core, but she couldn’t deny it any longer. Stella wanted nothing more than a warm, full, beautiful life with Dana Scully. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>if you got to the end, i hope you enjoyed!! chapter 10 has a lot happening so i wanted to do something more relaxed and this seemed perfect. also i 100% inserted myself into this chapter with dana swooning over tina fey, lol. </p>
<p>as always, any feedback at all is appreciated! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Control</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Stella is always in control. *wink wink*</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is a bunch of non sense and smut but i hope you enjoy cause chapter 10 is gonna be a lot.<br/>once again i used quite a bit of dialogue from the fall, and i do not own it.  </p><p>thank you to stellaxxgibson and bisexualreina for saving my life with their betas, as usual.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Stella stood in her office considering her options as she processed that their killer had taken her bait and called to speak specifically, and only, to her. After speaking to Rose Stagg, a prior victim of their newest suspect, Stella had obtained a name and a police sketch of a man who could very likely be their killer, and since then his identity had begun to unravel. </p><p>It had been revealed that Sarah Kay, his third victim, was pregnant at the time of her death, which had shockingly seemed to deeply upset the killer, and led to him sending a letter to her family apologizing. Stella took that as an opportunity, a way in. She called a press conference with Sarah’s father, hoping to draw the killer in. She’d painted her nails the bright red color his victim’s nails had been painted and offered herself, a private conversation with her, were he to call. </p><p>Now as she sat, awaiting him to be patched through to her phone, she shuddered at the varnish on her nails. She had done it on purpose– lured him in– yet now that she knew he’d taken the bait she felt a bit on edge, resisting the urge to bite the polish off her thumb nail nervously.</p><p>A few moments later her work cell phone began to ring and she took a deep breath before quickly accepting. </p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Who’s this?”</p><p>“Detective Superintendent Gibson.”</p><p>“<em>Stella</em>.” </p><p>Her name on his lips sent a slight shiver down her spine. </p><p>“At long last.” </p><p>“You wanted to talk to me?” Stella stated, moving him along. </p><p>“You offered a private conversation.” </p><p>“Yes I did.” </p><p>“This isn’t private.”</p><p>“Isn’t it?”</p><p>“I need another number I can call you on.” He paused for a moment. “A private number. A really private number.” He waited, and when she didn’t speak he added, “I have something to tell you.”</p><p>Stella hesitated, looking around her before turning away in a failed attempt at privacy, as if there weren’t a dozen people in the other room listening in.</p><p>“0 double 7 double 0 9 double 0 1 3 1.”</p><p>“What number is that?” She heard Burns’ voice echo from the other room. “Has she just given her personal number to a serial killer?” </p><p>The panic in Burns' voice was off putting, though she didn’t have time to ruminate on it as she turned to the only person she’d allowed in the room with her.</p><p>“Dani, in my briefcase, there’s my phone with a recorder.”</p><p>Stella paced back and forth nervously as she waited for Dani to hand her what she’d asked for. Part of her was worried he wouldn’t call back. Part of her was concerned over the fact that this man wanted to ‘tell her something privately’. He clearly <em> knew </em> of her in some way, calling her by her first name the first time he ever spoke to her. Had he been watching her? What else did he know about her? She didn’t fear for herself necessarily, more so for Dana. She knew the redhead was more than capable of taking care of herself, but she despised the idea of Dana being on anyone’s radar because of her. More than anything, though, she was simply intrigued. They had such little luck with this case so far, and despite her uncertainties, this most definitely felt like it was a step toward finding the man who was terrorizing the women of Belfast. </p><p>She was pulled from her stupor at the sound of her phone ringing, and she checked the connection of the recorder to her phone before she took a deep breath and accepted the call.</p><p>“Hello.” Her voice came out an octave lower than normal.</p><p>“Hello again, <em> Stella.</em>”</p><p>Once more, Stella felt herself shiver at the way her name fell from his lips.</p><p>“Now you’ve got me to yourself. What do you want to say to me?”</p><p>It was quiet for a brief moment and all she could hear was his breathing. It was calm, rhythmic. Clearly he had no hesitations at all about speaking to her; or if he did he was damn good at hiding it.</p><p>“I liked the red nail varnish. Was that for me? It was a nice touch.”</p><p>Stella’s mouth and throat felt impossibly dry.</p><p>“I’m glad you think so.”</p><p>“I’ve been watching you with interest…”</p><p>Another chill ran down her spine, “Have you?”</p><p>“We’re very alike, you and me.”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t think so.” Stella involuntarily huffed.</p><p>“Both driven by will to power. A desire to <em> control </em>everything and everyone. Obsessive. Ruthless. Living and breathing moral relativism.” He paused for a moment, giving his words a moment to hang between them. “It’s just you’re bound by conventional notions of what’s right and wrong. And I’m free.” </p><p>“How are you free? You’re a slave to your desires. You have no <em> control </em>at all. You're weak.” For a brief moment her mind slipped back to James Olson, to her mistakes, her own weakness, “Impetent. You think you’re some kind of artist but you’re not.”</p><p>“Art is a lie. Art gives the chaos of the world an order that doesn’t exist.”</p><p>Stella huffed out a dry laugh, “Is that really why you called me? To expound some half-baked philosophy? I’m disappointed.” </p><p>Stella had found her footing; her controlled, confident demeanor returning. </p><p>“I called to say goodbye. I called you to say it’s over.” </p><p>Stella felt her stomach drop. </p><p>“In what sense <em> ‘over’ </em>?” </p><p>“I’m walking away.”</p><p>“You can’t.” </p><p>“Watch me.” </p><p>“I am.” She paused, “It’s never over for someone like you. It won’t be over until I <em> stop </em>you.” </p><p>“You had your chance. Now it’s too late.” </p><p>“You think I'd let you walk away? You try to dignify what you do, but it’s just misogyny. Age-old male violence against women.” She stopped to take a deep breath, feeling anger rise within her, “For Fiona Gallagher, Alice Monroe, Sarah Kay, Annie Brawley, I won’t let you.” </p><p>The line was silent for a moment and she feared he’d hung up until she heard his breath against the receiver. </p><p>“You fucked up. You moved against Annie too soon. You didn’t prepare properly, you didn’t do the groundwork, and you didn’t kill her.” Still, all she could hear was his breathing. “You fucked up and we’re onto you.”</p><p>“If you’re onto me you’ll come for me.” He finally spoke, and then the line went dead.</p><p>Stella stood for a moment, unable to take a breath. For a brief moment she felt wetness threatening to spill from her eyes, but she held it back as if her life depended on it. Their conversation had unnerved her, more than she wanted to admit. Mostly because he said he was going to stop, and while the expert in her knew there was no way that was true, a part of her feared it and what it would mean. She wanted, no <em> needed </em>, justice for his four victims. There was little she wouldn’t do to get it, and her willingness to risk putting herself in his sights proved just that. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>————</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Dana drove in silence, her stomach growling loudly as she pulled up to the front of the police station and texted Stella, who, within minutes, was already walking towards the car. She could tell just by the look on Stella’s face that it had been a particularly intense day for her, and for a brief moment, she considered whether she should offer to cancel dinner. Before she had a chance to offer up anything, Stella poked her head into the car and smiled tiredly.</p><p>“Okay if I drive?” She asked, catching Dana a bit off guard.</p><p>The redhead nodded, unbuckling and, rather than getting out, simply threw her legs over the center console to scoot herself into the passenger seat, earning a hearty laugh from the blonde. </p><p>“Okay then,” Stella murmured, making her way around to the driver’s side door. </p><p>She settled, throwing her purse into the back seat before buckling and turning to look at Dana.</p><p>“Ready to go to dinner?” Dana asked.</p><p>Stella sighed, a guilty look adorning her face as her gaze shifted to her lap.</p><p>“I actually needed to talk to you about that. Some things came up with the case today… I talked to our main suspect.” The admission caused a small jolt in Dana’s stomach but she remained silent. “I’m really on edge and I want to get this son of a bitch so badly.”</p><p>Dana nodded in understanding, finding herself wondering what this had to do with dinner.</p><p>“Stella?” She said quietly, noticing that Stella had seemed to get lost in her thoughts for a moment.</p><p>“Sorry. Anyway, I would love to go to dinner with you, but I really need to stop by his most recent victim’s home. I need to look around and I asked Jim to meet me.” Stella paused for a moment, realizing he had yet to respond, before focusing back on Dana, “I don’t plan on it being too terribly long, but it won’t be quick either. I can drop you off at the hotel if you’d like, or if you’d be willing to wait, we could go to dinner after.”</p><p>Dana smiled to herself, finding it almost laughable that Stella would question it.<br/>“I want to have dinner with you. Of course I’m willing to wait.”</p><p> </p><p>Stella drove towards Annie Brawley’s flat, lost in thought and entirely engulfed in work mode. She felt guilty, knowing she’d promised her evening to Dana, but anytime she glanced over to her she seemed perfectly content. Truthfully, Dana was just happy to be spending time with her, no matter what that looked like.</p><p>Upon arriving at the flat Stella was surprised to find Jim already there, as he had yet to respond to her texts. She leaned in to kiss Dana softly before whispering, “I’ll be right back, call me if you need anything,” and getting out of the car. She locked the car doors as she walked up the street, looking back to see Dana slumped in the passenger seat with her feet propped on the dash, tapping away on her phone. </p><p>As Stella approached Jim he greeted her with an awkward smile, holding the gate open for her to enter first. </p><p> </p><p>Thirty minutes later, Stella felt that she’d looked at everything she could, gathered all the evidence she would need, and no longer wanted to leave Dana waiting. She made her way towards the door with Jim following close behind, stopping once they reached the outside of the gate. </p><p>“Where’s your car?” </p><p>Stella nodded towards her car that sat parked a little ways down the road.  </p><p>“I'll walk you.”</p><p>“In those shoes?” Stella teased, and they both smirked for a moment until Stella shook her head. “I’m fine. Dana's waiting for me.” </p><p>Stella patted his shoulder and started to walk away, wanting to avoid any awkwardness that could come. She strolled along, lost in thought about where she would take Dana for dinner and how she needed to pick up her dry cleaning, when she noticed several men appear seemingly out of nowhere. They began to surround the car and her heart sank in her chest as she thought of Dana sitting in the passenger seat. She continued walking, seemingly unphased, until she reached the bald man standing in front of the driver’s side door.</p><p>“Is this your car?” The man, who was the clear ring leader, asked. </p><p>“It is. And I'd like him to get off it.”</p><p>“What are you doing here?” He asked again, and her face remained stone cold and stoic.</p><p>“I want <em> all of you </em> to move away from my car.” </p><p>The two of them stood for a moment, sizing each other up.</p><p>“What's the difference between James Olson and a black cab?” </p><p>The mention of Olson’s name made her stomach drop, though she maintained her icy stare. She knew rumors of their affair had been leaked to the news, though it still unnerved her being confronted about it by a complete stranger.</p><p>“A black cab can take five in the back.” </p><p>The men around her began to laugh and Stella squinted at him, pursing her lips tightly. </p><p>“What’s your name?”</p><p>“What’s that got to do with you, Little Bo Peep? Who’s lost her sheep-”</p><p>Feeling a sudden wave of annoyance and worry for Dana's safety, Stella snapped and stomped her right foot towards the man, causing him to jump back and stop speaking instantly. </p><p>She moved to the driver’s door, unlocking the car and throwing her purse inside. </p><p>“Don’t come back here again. Do you hear me? You’re not welcome.”</p><p>She ducked in, glancing over to Dana before shutting the car door and starting the engine. Dana took note that despite the circumstances, Stella neglected to lock the doors, clearly unafraid. The blonde watched in her side mirror as they dispersed, and only when they were gone did she begin to drive away.  </p><p>“Stella, what the fuck was that? That was… intense.” </p><p>“It’s fine. They were just looking for drama.”</p><p>“You didn’t even flinch.” Dana had a slight smirk on her face, though Stella couldn’t quite decipher her tone. </p><p>“I’m not afraid of them… I was only worried because you were in the car.”</p><p>“Stella I can take care of myself, you don’t have to worry about me.” </p><p>“I know… I know, but I can’t help myself.” </p><p>Stella didn’t miss the darkening look in Dana’s eyes, the way she was biting her lip and clenching her thighs together. She chose to ignore it, instead turning her attention to the road. There would be plenty of time for that later.</p><p>“Shall we go to dinner?” She asked, earning an eager nod from the redhead.</p><p>Though truthfully, food wasn’t the main thing on Dana’s mind any longer. </p><p>“Why don’t we just go back to the hotel and order in?” </p><p>Stella nodded in agreement, knowing exactly what Dana had in mind. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>————</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Dana laid horizontal along the foot of the bed, watching as Stella put away her dry cleaning, placing each piece of clothing in its own designated spot. She was deep in thought, replaying the earlier encounter outside of Annie Brawley’s flat. Stella’s strong, bad ass demeanor had always been one of the things that drew Dana to her, though the image of a man scurrying away at the simple scuff of Stella’s foot was making her absolutely feral. </p><p>“Stella.” </p><p>“Mmm?” </p><p>“That was so hot.” </p><p>It took Stella a moment to register what she meant as she continued to tidy her wardrobe, but when it hit her, her lips curled up into a smirk. </p><p>“Yeah?” </p><p>“Yesss.” The hiss in Dana’s voice was enough to make Stella want to take her right then and there. </p><p>She sauntered over to where Dana lay on the bed and knocked the hand that was holding her head up out from under her, earning a gasp from the redhead as she fell flat against the mattress. </p><p>“You like when I’m in control, huh?” </p><p>Dana involuntarily moaned as she felt the bed dip slightly under Stella’s weight. </p><p>“Answer me.” She whispered as she leaned down to nibble on her ear lobe. </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Stella contemplated her actions for a moment, knowing her next words, and Dana’s reaction to them, would set the stage for their evening. </p><p>“Good girl.” She rasped flush against her ear, causing a low growl to escape from Dana’s throat as she pulled Stella’s lips down to hers. </p><p>She allowed it for a brief moment before pulling away and shaking her head. </p><p>“Uh uh,” Stella grabbed hold of Dana’s wrists as she moved to reach for her face again, “I make the rules tonight.” </p><p>Dana gasped as she looked up at Stella with dark twinkling eyes, feeling a gush of arousal soak her panties. She nodded, letting Stella push her arms up above her head as she leaned down to kiss her neck sloppily. Soft sighs escaped the redhead as Stella sucked her pulse point, running her free hand up and down her body. Stella groaned against the skin of her neck, sending a shiver through her and causing her to yank one of her hands from Stella’s grasp. It took a moment as Stella struggled to get both hands back into her own. Dana knew with how eager she felt there was little chance Stella’s hands– which were only slightly bigger than her own– would be able to keep hold of her. Despite the conclusion, Dana allowed Stella to try a bit longer until it became clear to them both that it wasn’t going to work. Stella let go of her wrists, but looked down at her with stern eyes. </p><p>“Keep them there. Don’t move them.” </p><p>Dana shivered, relishing in the arousal she felt as she let Stella take control. Dana knew there would be no way she could keep still, and she liked the idea of being completely at Stella’s mercy far too much.</p><p>“Tie me up.” She heard herself blurt out in a soft, whispered pant. </p><p>Stella stopped abruptly, looking down at her partner with wide eyes. She stared down at her for a moment, her eyebrow perched high as she considered the request.</p><p>“You’re sure?”</p><p>“Completely.”</p><p>Stella stared at her a moment longer, giving her a chance to counter her decision, but when she didn’t, she got off the bed and practically sprinted over to the wardrobe. She fumbled around for a moment, throwing her clip on ties across the room, desperately searching for the real deal. For a moment, she feared she’d forgotten it, until she felt the sleek material against her fingertips at the very bottom of her bag. </p><p>A soft whine escaped Dana’s lips as she watched Stella carry the silky black tie back over to the bed. She felt herself trembling slightly, and she was grateful when Stella set her hand against her cheek. </p><p>“Move up so that your head is resting against the pillows.” Stella’s voice was low and soft and Dana found herself lost in it for a moment before she did as she was told. </p><p>“Hands above your head.” </p><p>Once again, Dana complied. She felt her heart beat faster in her chest as Stella straddled her, looping her hands into the tie before securing it to the bed frame. </p><p>“Is that too tight?” </p><p>She shook her head, pulling against the restraint to make sure it wouldn’t come loose. </p><p>“It’s perfect.” </p><p>Stella smiled, leaning down to place a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth before she sat back up, her demeanor changing entirely. She hooked her index fingers into the waistband of Dana’s pants, dragging them down her legs at an agonizingly slow pace. </p><p>“Want to know what I found the other day?” </p><p>Dana nodded frantically, very quickly becoming malleable putty in Stella’s hands. Stella stood up, earning a groan of protest from the redhead as she walked away from her again. She grabbed Dana’s bag, digging around for a moment until she found the item she was looking for. As Stella pulled the smooth pink pebble from the bag, Dana felt a blush creep into her cheeks. </p><p>“You thought you were <em> so </em> sneaky, hiding your vibrator from me. You can’t hide from me though, I noticed it the first day we got here.”  </p><p>Dana’s cheeks continued to grow red, though she felt the shyness fade as Stella’s lips turned up into a devious smirk. </p><p>“I’m going to fuck you, and I’m going to use your vibrator to do it.”</p><p>Dana opened and closed her mouth but no words would come out as her breath quickened to short pants. Stella walked back over to the bed slowly, watching as her girlfriend squirmed, silently begging her to hurry along. She switched the vibrator on and the sound of it caused Dana’s hips to jerk up off the mattress, untouched. When Stella finally reached the bed she lightly grazed the toy against Dana’s inner thighs drawing soft whimpers from the redhead’s lips. She slipped it inside her panties, leaving it to lightly buzz against her clit as she straddled her and leaned down to hungrily capture her lips into a kiss. Dana tried to lift herself up, desperately wanting to close the gap between them, but Stella kept her distance; the only part of her she allowed to make contact was her lips. Their tongues fought for dominance and Dana moaned into the kiss as the light vibrations on her clit slowly began to build her pleasure. </p><p>“Stella please.” She begged, craving more friction than she was receiving. </p><p>Stella pulled back for a moment, catching her breath as she admired the want written all over Dana’s face.</p><p>“Say it again,” She whispered. </p><p>“<em>Please!”  </em></p><p>For a brief moment she considered teasing her further, making her beg until she couldn’t take it any longer, but she didn’t have the heart to as she watched the woman under her complete control writhe beneath her. Another <em> please </em> escaped her lips and before Dana could even form another thought Stella closed the distance, dropping her body weight on top of Dana, trapping the vibrator between their bodies. They both moaned as the vibrations buzzed between them and their lips reconnected. Dana's mind vaguely wandered for a moment to the fact that Stella was still fully clothed, though the thought was quickly erased from her mind as she felt her hand slide between them to snake between her legs. She pushed her panties to the side, running her fingers along the wetness she found there for a moment, gathering it on her fingers before stopping at her entrance. </p><p>“What do you say?” </p><p><em> “Please,” </em> Slipped from Dana’s lips again before Stella could even finish her sentence. </p><p>“Please what?” She shifted her weight slightly, pushing the vibrator tighter against Dana’s clit. </p><p>“Please, just fuck me.” </p><p>Without another moment’s hesitation Stella slipped two fingers inside her, a deep moan forming in the redhead’s throat as she arched her back off the bed. </p><p>“Is this what you wanted?” Stella teased as she slowly slid her fingers in and out.  </p><p>“Y-Yes… But…” Dana was panting again. “Faster.”</p><p>Stella arched her brow. “So many requests. I’m supposed to be the one controlling this.”</p><p>“<em> Please.” </em>Dana breathed again, her eyes fluttering closed as pleasure began to wash over her. </p><p>“Fine,” Stella’s breath was hot against her ear. “But you better open those eyes and look at me.” </p><p>As soon as Dana’s eyes shot open Stella’s fingers picked up their pace and she began to grind down, eliciting her own low moans as the toy rubbed against her. Dana felt her climax building, her limbs tingling as pleasure overwhelmed her brain and reality slipped away; the only thing to ground her being the silky tie that was keeping her hands restrained. </p><p>Dana was on the edge of her orgasm, her eyes closed again as the different sensations overwhelmed her. She felt like she was almost ready to let go when a loud knock at the door stopped Stella in her tracks. </p><p>Dana heard herself laughing momentarily when Stella said, “I should probably get the door,” though her face immediately dropped and a whimper escaped her lips when she realized Stella was serious as she turned the vibrator down to the lowest setting and rolled herself off the bed. </p><p>“Be a good girl and stay still. I’ll be right back,” Stella purred as she walked over toward the door. </p><p>Dana let out a low frustrated groan and she quickly shushed her. </p><p>“You don’t want our guest to hear you, now do you?” </p><p> </p><p>Stella opened the door and greeted the food delivery man with a smile, stepping into the hallway so the door was open only a crack behind her. </p><p>She paid the man, and took the bag of chinese food from him, checking through it quickly as he began to walk away. </p><p>“Excuse me,” She called after him, “There’s supposed to be Sashimi in here, and there’s not. This is the third time we’ve ordered from your company and two of those times the Sashimi has been left out.” </p><p>Normally, Stella wouldn’t be one to complain, but it was Dana’s food they continued to forget and that, she couldn’t accept. </p><p>The man apologized and asked for her information so they could issue a refund. She took her sweet time reading off her credit card information, acting as if she only vaguely remembered she’d left Dana wet and whimpering on the bed. </p><p>Stella took the food inside and set it on the table, before turning to her girlfriend to see she had pressed her thighs together. She was humming as she tried to create more friction against the vibrator still buzzing slowly in her panties. </p><p>“Naught naughty.” She tsked. </p><p>Dana’s eyes opened wide, as if she hadn’t even noticed Stella had returned. </p><p>“I-I’m sorry… But Stella how the <em> fuck </em> does you yelling at the food delivery man turn me on so much?” </p><p>Stella chuckled as she resumed her spot on the bed. </p><p>“I didn’t <em> yell. </em> I just firmly requested he fix the mistake.” Stella leaned down so that her lips were against her ear, “I’m sorry they forgot your sushi… But I think I can make it up to you.” She whispered before she dropped her weight back on top of Dana. </p><p>Her fingers found her entrance again and without hesitation she pushed back inside of her, continuing to grind the toy against her. Dana squirmed beneath her, knocking the toy slightly out of place, so Stella quickly reached her free hand up to pin her hips down to the mattress. </p><p>“Stella, oh god,” Dana moaned breathlessly, “I’m so close. I’m right there.” </p><p>“I know, baby.” </p><p>Stella used her body to readjust the toy, grinding it down into her clit again. </p><p>“Come for me, Dana.” </p><p>As soon as the words left her lips, Dana’s orgasm crashed into her, causing her to cry out as the mixture of the vibrations and Stella’s fingers overwhelmed her. Stella removed the toy, seeing Dana wince at the sensation, and replaced it with her thumb to help her ride out the rest of her orgasm. When Dana finally stilled she removed her fingers, sucking each of them languidly until they were nice and clean. </p><p>“God,” Dana whispered as she watched her, “Oh GOD, I love you.” </p><p>Stella smiled as she brushed strands of red hair from her face. </p><p>“Mmm, do you now?”</p><p>“Mhmm,” Dana hummed as she caught her breath, “Untie me and I’ll show you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>OOP yeah i don’t have anything to say really. i hope you enjoyed.<br/>thank you for all the comments i’ve been getting and for reading this story my silly little brain has created. it truly means the world to me. </p><p>chapter 10 is going to be a bit intense, and is going to include burns’ assault on stella and spector being in the hotel room, just a heads up. </p><p>as always, feedback of any kind is welcome!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Safe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim makes a drunken move on Stella, and Spector makes a threat on Dana’s life.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this chapter kinda took everything out of me and i’m still not sure it’s quite what i want it to be, but i really tried. </p>
<p>thank you as always to stellaxxgibson and bisexualreina for all your help and your betas. it especially meant a lot with this chapter. </p>
<p>TW // jim’s assault on stella and brief mention of past sexual trauma.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Paul Spector.  </em>
</p>
<p>Stella finally had a name to put with the actions of the sadistic murderer she’d been chasing for nearly two months. A rough sketch of a face, a voice, a name. He was finally within her grasp and yet still felt so far out of reach. Her entire drive after leaving work was spent thinking about him, about how to catch him, how to beat him. As long as he continued to be free he was a threat; he’d proven that when he kidnapped Rose Stagg less than a week after he’d told her he was going to stop. It was her fault he’d gone after Rose, and she would not be able to rest until he was caught and Rose was found. He was dangerous and it was all she found herself able to think about. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>By the time Stella arrived at the hotel she was over thirty minutes late to meet Dana and Reed for drinks, thanks to Burns who had disappeared the majority of the day, leaving everything to fall on her shoulders. The moment she got to the hotel room she made quick work of getting ready, smiling to herself when she noticed Dana had already laid a change of clothes out on the couch for her. She took the shirt and trousers into the bathroom with her, laying the black sweater across the chair as she thought the room seemed unusually warm. </p>
<p>After freshening up her makeup and hair and changing into her version of more comfortable clothes, Stella made her way out of the bathroom, stood in front of the closed wardrobe and sighed, contemplating whether or not she wanted to wear something different. Before she was able to make any kind of decision she heard a knock at the door, sending a wave of confusion through her. She glanced through the peephole and felt annoyance take over when she saw Burns standing there, nervously rubbing his beard. She let out a small huff as she reluctantly opened the door, instantly noticing something was off as she met his gaze.  </p>
<p>“Jim?”</p>
<p>“Stella… Can I come in?”</p>
<p>She sighed as she looked down at the floor, thinking about the women downstairs who she was now forty-five minutes late to meet.</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“Five minutes… Just five minutes, please.”</p>
<p>She stepped aside and nodded for him to come in, rolling her eyes as she shut the door behind him.</p>
<p>“How did you know I was here?”</p>
<p>“Why wouldn’t you be here?” </p>
<p>She felt a twinge of annoyance at his insinuation, especially after he’d gone MIA, leaving all responsibility on her and causing her to now be late. She pushed it away as she turned to follow him deeper into the room, watching as he walked towards the room service cart that sat along the far wall.</p>
<p>“Have you been drinking?”</p>
<p>“I have indeed.” He responded as he reached for the bottle of Scotch that was left over from the night before. “Do you have ice?”</p>
<p>“No. I just got here,” She paused for a moment, “How many years has it been?”</p>
<p>“What? Oh, uh, oh.” Her question momentarily caught him off guard, forgetting he’d revealed to her once long ago that he was a recovering alcoholic. “Five years, this Christmas.”</p>
<p>He went to hand her a glass and she shook her head firmly.</p>
<p>“Shouldn’t you be phoning your sponsor?”</p>
<p>He glared at her as he set the glass down, before turning to face her again. </p>
<p>“I just had a call from Eastwood. Aaron Monroe is back in custody. Made an attempt to kill his father in hospital.”</p>
<p>Stella raised her eyebrow, confused as to why he was telling her about this, considering it wasn’t a case she was actively working on.</p>
<p>“His own father.”</p>
<p>“Really?” She whispered, hoping to hurry him along.</p>
<p>“It was me who tipped off Morgan that Eastwood had warrants out for his son.”</p>
<p>Stella huffed, turning away from him slightly.</p>
<p>“Jim I don’t need to know this.”</p>
<p>“I was trying to outmaneuver Monroe Sr. If Aaron knows and tells Eastwood that it was me who tipped his father off I’m finished.” </p>
<p>She watched spit fly from his mouth as he spoke, his words slurred and jumbled. None of what he was saying was information she needed to know about, and she suddenly found herself wondering why exactly he was even there.</p>
<p>“You know what he said to me? Eastwood? He called me a <em> weak man. </em> Can you believe that? A <em> weak man.</em>” </p>
<p>Stella stared back at him, trying to keep a straight face at his question. She stayed silent, watching his breathing quicken and the contents of his drink suddenly disappear. It was quiet for a moment as they stared at one another. </p>
<p>“I’ve been weak. I am weak.”</p>
<p>The air in the room shifted as he looked up to her suddenly, watching her like a lion stalking its prey. </p>
<p>“Oh Stella.” He stood slowly, taking a step toward her. “I want you so badly.”</p>
<p>Stella felt her stomach drop as he continued to step closer, causing her to step back to put distance between them.</p>
<p>“Don’t, Jim, seriously don’t.”</p>
<p>“Oh please, Stella.”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“Why? Because of <em> Dana</em>? She didn’t stop you from sleeping around with Olson.”</p>
<p>She felt slightly taken aback by his comment, uncharacteristically wounded by it, though she didn’t have time to ruminate on it as he continued to get closer to her.</p>
<p>“Just one night. Just one night. I need to forget the shit, all the shit I see in my head.”</p>
<p>“No, Jim. Come on, <em> Jim</em>.”</p>
<p>She tried to talk him down through his pleading, though he continued to get closer and closer until suddenly she felt his hands on her face as they slid back into her hair.</p>
<p>“Please.”</p>
<p>“Stop.”</p>
<p>“Please, please, please, Stella.”</p>
<p>She struggled against him as one of his hands grabbed her wrist, the other resting firmly in her hair, holding her head in place as he tried to move his face closer to hers. The smell of alcohol was heavy on his breath and it only added to her disorientation. She felt panic fill her as he persisted, a million scenarios flooding her mind as she considered what might happen if she didn’t get out of his grasp. It took a moment of struggling before she was able to get her wrist free, and she stepped back as much as she was able before popping the bottom of his nose with the heel of her hand. </p>
<p>“For fucks sake!” </p>
<p>He instantly faltered back, his hands reaching up to his nose that was already leaking a pool of blood. She took a deep breath and exhaled it before finally looking up at him to see a pitiful, stunned look across his face. </p>
<p>“You need to go, Jim.” She said through gritted teeth, her eyes now glued to the floor. </p>
<p>He tried to speak but she just shook her head, pointing toward the door. She felt herself trembling slightly as he walked out and the door clicked shut behind him. However, she didn’t give herself even a moment to process it all before she grabbed the black sweater off the chair and headed toward the door. She waited a few moments before she opened it, sighing in relief when she saw that the hallway was empty. Her mind was racing, her body trembling, her eyes just barely wettening with the threat of tears; but she pushed it all aside as she stepped out of the room, en route to her girlfriend who was waiting for her downstairs. </p>
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<p>Dana sat in a booth, nervously toying with the rim of her glass as a man stood in front of her rambling on and on about nonsense. Reed had stepped away to make a phone call and Stella still had yet to arrive, nearly an hour after the time they’d all agreed to meet. She was close to excusing herself and abandoning their table completely when she saw Reed making her way back, sizing the man up from behind as she approached. Dana stared up at her and was instantly met with a look of understanding. </p>
<p>“Sorry I’m late.” Reed stated as she slipped into the booth, planting a quick kiss on her lips. </p>
<p>She sat for a moment, stunned, before Reed spoke again. </p>
<p>“It’s nice to see you.” </p>
<p>She began to lean back in slowly, giving Dana warning this time before their lips met again. The second kiss lasted a moment longer before Reed pulled away, turning to the man with a smirk. </p>
<p>“Why are you standing there?” </p>
<p>The man stared at the both of them with disdain, though Dana’s attention was quickly ripped away from him when she noticed Stella standing only a few feet away, causing her heart to sink. </p>
<p>“Sorry I’m late.” Stella intervened, moving toward the table and causing the man to scurry off at the repeated greeting.</p>
<p>Stella looked at Reed and Dana with a small smirk, though it didn’t meet her eyes and Dana didn’t miss it. </p>
<p>“Sorry I kissed your girlfriend, was just trying to get rid of a weirdo, you know?” Reed explained with a laugh. </p>
<p>Stella nodded, laughing back in response as she flagged the waiter down. Dana’s cheeks were bright red and she suddenly felt a bit overwhelmed as she sat there, trying to decipher what Stella’s actual reaction was. She found her girlfriend unreadable and it unnerved her as she watched the blonde chat with Reed as if nothing had even happened. </p>
<p>“Long day?” Reed asked as Stella ordered a whiskey, requesting that the waiter keep them coming. </p>
<p>“You have no idea.” Stella rasped, rubbing her face with her hands. </p>
<p>Dana knew something was wrong, there was something off about the energy radiating from Stella and she couldn’t help but blame it on the kiss. </p>
<p>Reed suddenly got another phone call and excused herself again, leaving the two women in silence. </p>
<p>“Don’t be mad…” </p>
<p>Stella raised her eyebrow. “Why would I be mad?”</p>
<p>“The kiss… It wasn’t… It didn’t mean anything.” </p>
<p>The blonde laughed dryly, taking a sip of her whiskey. </p>
<p>“I’m not mad, Dana.” </p>
<p>“Are you sure?” </p>
<p>Stella ignored her, throwing back the rest of the glass as she waved down the waiter for another. Dana watched her intently, noticing the phantom tears in her eyes and the way her hands were shaking. </p>
<p>“Stella,” She whispered, “I don’t want you to be upset with me I-”</p>
<p>“I told you, I’m <em> not </em> mad!” Stella instantly felt guilt seep in as she heard herself yell, quickly getting a grip on herself. “I’m sorry, I just… It’s fine, Dana. I’m the last person who gets to judge.” </p>
<p>Though Stella’s words said she was fine, it was clear to Dana that she wasn’t and she couldn’t help but feel it was her fault. As Reed returned, Dana excused herself for the evening, insisting they stay and finish catching up. Stella found that she was exhausted and no part of her wanted to be with anyone other than Dana, but as Reed got to talking she felt she had to let her friend speak, especially after showing up an hour late. She listened to her, nodding and occasionally trying to throw her own thoughts into the mix to make it seem like her heart was in it. All she found herself able to think about, though, was Dana and the way she’d snapped at her before she went upstairs. </p>
<p>Stella was close to telling Reed she needed to call it a night when she felt her phone buzz in her pocket and she absentmindedly reached for it, her blood going cold as she opened the message. </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>She stared down at her phone, blinking a few times in disbelief. Despite the random number, she knew exactly who’d sent it. </p>
<p>“I have to go,” She heard herself say as she stood from the table, nearly stumbling as she took her first step.</p>
<p>Not bothering to look back for a response from Reed, she broke out into a sprint, only stopping once she reached the elevator. She pushed the button frantically; every second she was still downstairs was another moment Dana was alone with <em> him</em>. Time seemed to be moving in slow motion and she found herself unable to wait on the elevator any longer. She bolted towards the stairs, starting the ascend to the fifth floor without a second thought. Despite her ability to run impossibly well in heels, Stella kicked her shoes off, abandoning them in the stairwell as she ran. Each floor passed her by in a haze as she continued to run, her lungs burning for air that she was unable to give them. She let out a small whimper of relief when she saw the fifth floor just a set of stairs away, skipping every other step as she hiked the rest of the way up. Her feet raced her toward their hotel room and she found herself wondering if the hallway had always been this long. The moment she arrived at the door she shoved the keycard in, pushing the door open and stopping for a brief moment to look around. Everything seemed to be in order, quiet and collected. She glanced around, seeing no sign of Dana nor Spector until she heard the water running. She scrambled into the bathroom and over to the shower, throwing the sliding door open to find Dana alone, in the middle of washing her hair, staring back at her with a confused expression. </p>
<p>“Stella?” </p>
<p>Dana reached her hand out to touch her arm, but Stella quickly intercepted it and pulled her wet body into a tight embrace. </p>
<p>“Oh my god.” She whispered through shaky breaths, “Oh my god. You’re okay. You're safe. You’re okay.” </p>
<p>“Stella? What is going on, what’s wrong?” </p>
<p>She pulled back to look into Stella’s eyes, concerned by the sheer terror she found there. </p>
<p>“I have to… He was…” Stella shook her head, closing her eyes tightly. “Finish your shower, and I’ll explain everything. I have to go check something.” </p>
<p>Not wanting to alarm Dana until she was sure he was gone, Stella made her way back out to the room, grabbing her gun off the chair and looking around for a moment. Everything seemed to be exactly the way she left it and her eyes roamed to the wardrobe as a chill went down her spine. She walked towards it slowly, taking a deep breath to center herself before she threw the door open. She exhaled sharply at the sight of it being empty, dropping her gun down in front of her. She hadn’t been sure what she would do had he actually been in there, but she knew she would have done whatever it took to keep Dana safe. </p>
<p>After she’d given herself a moment to calm down she noticed her dream diary sitting on the stool, the only thing out of place. When she’d left that morning it had been sitting on the nightstand on her side of the bed, and she was positive Dana hadn’t been the one to move it. With a shaky hand, she reached for it as if it might burn her if she touched it. She carried it over to the couch and sat down before opening it cautiously. She flipped through the pages, everything seemingly untouched, until she got to the page after her last entry. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Oh Stella, how revealing. How exposing. It’s all in these pages. Sweet little Stella, missing her daddy, lost and alone. Sexy Stella, expressing her deepest, darkest desires. Stroppy Stella, angry and misunderstood, lashing out against the world of men.  </em></p>
<p>
  <em> Oh Stella Gibson, how well I know you now.”  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As Stella stared down at the forgein words written in her diary she felt her chest constrict tightly. The weight of everything that had happened that evening came crashing down on her and for a moment she felt as though she might break. She covered her mouth as a single tear slipped down her face, begging herself to regain her composure. So focused on holding herself together, she didn’t notice Dana emerging from the bathroom, cautiously making her way over to her. </p>
<p>“Stel?” Dana asked softly, instantly noticing the tears brimming in her eyes. </p>
<p>“He was here, Dana.” </p>
<p>“Who was here?” </p>
<p>“Spector. Paul Spector. The killer, he was here. In this room.” </p>
<p>The panic laced in Stella’s voice was enough to bring Dana to her knees, and she nodded trying to comprehend what she was being told. </p>
<p>“I was so late… You had already been gone thirty minutes by the time I got here. He could’ve been here this whole time. He might have been here when Burns was here. He was probably here when I left… And then he was here with you.” </p>
<p>The redhead watched as her girlfriend frantically spoke, her mind seemingly a million different places. </p>
<p>“Stella, what are you talking about? Slow down. What do you mean he was here?” </p>
<p>Stella took a deep breath, looking up into Dana’s baby blues. </p>
<p>“Spector was here. In our room. I don’t know exactly how long, but it was long enough for him to do this.” </p>
<p>She held her journal out towards Dana, giving her a moment to read it as she contemplated how to tell her about the text. </p>
<p>“He also… He sent me this.” </p>
<p>Dana took her phone, instantly feeling a chill run down her spine at what she saw. A picture of her taken from the crack in the bathroom door, the words <em> ‘victim # 6?’ </em> accompanying it. She now realized why Stella had been so shaken up when she’d interrupted her shower. </p>
<p>“What the fuck?” She whispered, looking up at Stella with a furrowed brow. </p>
<p>“He sent me that when I was downstairs with Reed… I panicked and I got up here as fast as I could. But you were fine, taking your shower, and the room was empty. God, I was so scared Dana.” </p>
<p>She pulled the blonde into a tight embrace, feeling her heart sink at the admission. Stella Gibson wasn’t one to admit fear easily. She ran her fingers through her hair softly, letting a brief moment go by before she remembered something else. </p>
<p>“You said he might have been here at the same time as Burns… When was Jim here?”</p>
<p>Dana felt Stella stiffen immediately at the sound of his name, the slight tremble she’d noticed downstairs returning. Stella pulled away, sinking further into the couch cushions as a few more tears pooled in her eyes. For a moment Dana worried she’d shut down completely as she watched her stare at the ground. </p>
<p>“Jim came by shortly after I got off work.” She started, her voice barely above a whisper. “He’d been drinking, and he started telling me things that had nothing to do with me or my case.” </p>
<p>Dana watched as Stella took deep breaths, desperately trying to hold herself together and it made her heart clench painfully in her chest. </p>
<p>“After rambling for a while things shifted and he…” </p>
<p>The smallest sob escaped Stella’s lips and the redhead immediately fell to the ground, grabbing her hands in her own and squeezing tightly. </p>
<p>“It’s okay, Stella. It’s just me.”</p>
<p>The blonde stared at her with hazy eyes for a moment before nodding and bringing herself to continue. </p>
<p>“He said he ‘wanted me so badly’ and I immediately tried to shut him down but he just kept begging,” She paused to wipe a rogue tear from her cheek, “I tried to tell him no and talk him down but he just kept getting closer and begging and… And then he grabbed me and he tried to pull me closer and… kiss me and he had a hold of my wrist but I was able to get out of his grip and hit him so he finally let me go but…” She stopped and inhaled sharply, her breathing no longer under her control, “For a moment there I really wasn’t sure I was going to be able to get my wrist free and… And I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t.” </p>
<p>Dana felt anger course through her as she watched Stella shake in front of her, every ounce of control the blonde woman contained going toward keeping herself in one piece. It was unsettling seeing her so distressed.  </p>
<p>“I’m going to kill him. I will <em> kill </em>him!” Dana yelled, standing up and beginning to pace back and forth. </p>
<p>“Dana.” </p>
<p>“He is going to wish he never set foot in this room. I swear to god. He is going to regret ever being bo-”</p>
<p>“Dana!” </p>
<p>The break in Stella’s voice pulled her from her fit of rage, her eyes instantly softening as they fell back on the blonde. </p>
<p>“Please don’t. I’m barely keeping it together myself here…” </p>
<p>Dana nodded in understanding, sitting next to her. </p>
<p>“Okay, I’m sorry. Whatever you need, I’m here. I’m right here, love.” </p>
<p>Stella smiled weakly, her head falling forward to rest against Dana’s forehead. </p>
<p>“You should report him.” </p>
<p>Blonde hair flew frantically between them as Stella shook her head. </p>
<p>“I’m not doing that.” </p>
<p>As much as Dana wanted to insist, wanted to urge her further, she knew what Stella really needed was support in her decision, so she put her own thoughts to the side and nodded in acceptance. Whatever Stella wanted to do, she would support. </p>
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<p>Thirty minutes later their hotel room was flooded with officers, taking fingerprints and bagging up Stella’s dream diary to be logged as evidence. Dana caught Stella wince as they took the diary out of the room, a glimmer of tears threatening to fall, though she kept them from doing so. Not only had Spector read and violated something incredibly personal to Stella, but it was now being taken as evidence, for even more people to poke and prod at. </p>
<p>The officers were close to finishing up and calling it a night when Stella noticed a small commotion going on outside the hotel room and felt her heart sink as she heard Jim’s voice over the chaos. He was yelling at a male officer, demanding information that the man simply didn’t have, forcing him to turn to Stella for answers. He began to walk towards her and made it about half way across the room when Dana pounced on him seemingly out of nowhere. </p>
<p>“You can’t be here!” She yelled as she slapped him across the face. </p>
<p>She went to hit him again but Stella quickly grabbed her, pulling her back as Jim took a few steps away. The room was suddenly silent as the officers watched the confrontation occur. One officer took to Jim’s side asking if he was ok, to which he instantly responded yes. He fucked up and he had been drinking and the last thing he really wanted was to draw more attention to himself. In fact, he regretted going back in the first place. </p>
<p>Stella continued to hold onto Dana, resting her head against her shoulder. </p>
<p>“Dana, please just drop it.” She pleaded and the redhead immediately felt guilty. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Dana replied, turning around so that she was facing Stella, “I didn’t mean to lose it, I just wasn’t prepared for him to be here.” </p>
<p>Stella nodded, leaning in to kiss her softly before letting her go. </p>
<p>“I didn’t expect him to come back either.” </p>
<p>There was a heaviness to Stella’s words that made Dana forget all about her anger, instantly making her want nothing more than to hold Stella close and never let her go.  </p>
<p>
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  <br/>
</p>
<p>As people finally started to clear out of their room Stella felt herself relax a bit, though a gnawing ache seemed to settle itself in her chest and she wasn’t able to kick it. She knew it was partly thanks to Jim and the feelings from past experiences his actions had brought back up, but she also found herself growing increasingly more irritable as she thought about her dream diary. It was private and only meant for her eyes. Something not even Dana had been allowed to see, and yet Spector took it and consumed it all; read the deepest, darkest thoughts that came from her subconscious mind. Something so deeply personal had been violated and taken from her and she found that it was eating away at her. Her girlfriend had been threatened, had been left alone with a serial killer. She was now on his radar and it was all her fault. It all became too much for her to bear and she allowed herself a moment to cry. She broke down for only a moment, tears spilling from her eyes as she held her head in her hands, crying quietly while Dana was in the other room getting ready for bed. By the time the redhead emerged from the bathroom Stella had composed herself again, forcing a smile on her face as she joined her on the bed. </p>
<p>Stella laid in silence, holding Dana close, deep in thought about how when she inevitably had a nightmare, she wouldn’t be able to write about it. She fought to keep her breathing controlled, wanting nothing more than to sleep as exhaustion overtook her. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It took Dana a while to fall asleep as she laid against Stella’s chest, feeling her partner's uneven breathing as she struggled to fall asleep. Her mind was racing, fixated on Stella’s distress, a serial killer being in their room, a serial killer making a threat on her life, a man attacking Stella. So much had happened in just the last few hours and she found it nearly impossible to settle as she ran through it all in her head. The blonde’s breathing eventually evened out as she fell further into the throws of sleep, finally bringing Dana the smallest solace to allow her to drift off into an insubstantial slumber.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Stella jolted up with a small yelp, immediately pulling Dana from her sleep. She felt Stella’s arms tighten around her as she tried to pull her closer, though no matter how tightly she held her it didn’t seem to be enough for the blonde. They lay there for a moment, Dana uncomfortably crushed against Stella’s chest, as they both waited for the other to speak. Before either of them had a chance to, Dana felt Stella’s lips against her neck, softly feathering kisses down to her shoulder blade. She sighed softly at the feeling, leaning into the sensation with a content smile on her face. She stroked her hand against Stella’s, interlacing their fingers and reaching them up to kiss Stella’s hand softly.</p>
<p>The warm, content feeling faded away as Dana felt Stella’s free hand snake between her legs, her movements suddenly desperate and fervent. </p>
<p>“No, Stella. Not tonight. We’re not doing that tonight.” Dana said gently as she reached down to stop her hand from venturing further. </p>
<p>“Please,” The blonde whispered, a wave of unwelcomed emotions suddenly flooding her. “I need… I need to feel something else. I just want to be close to you.” </p>
<p>Dana shook her head and turned to her with a soft smile, reaching her hand up to caress her girlfriend’s face. </p>
<p>“No. Not like that, Stella. Not after everything that just happened.” </p>
<p>Dana watched in shock as her words hit Stella, instantly filling her eyes with tears. She was momentarily confused, unsure what was causing the sudden breakdown. </p>
<p>“Why don’t you want me? Is it because I'm… <em> damaged?”  </em></p>
<p>Dana felt a jolt in her stomach, having never heard that word leaves Stella’s lips to describe herself before. She knew something much deeper was going on and she couldn’t for the life of her decipher what it was that her girlfriend needed, or how she could help her. </p>
<p>“Stella, I have no idea what you’re talking about. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. But you went through some heavy shit tonight and what you need is to be loved and taken care of, not fucked.” </p>
<p>Despite the tears running down her face Stella managed a small condescending smirk at the notion of being “<em>taken care of</em>,” to which Dana nodded in understanding. </p>
<p>“I know that’s not your norm. I know you don’t allow yourself to break down, or ask for help. I am sure no one’s ever been allowed to take care of you, but I want to, Stella. I want to help you so just… let me.” </p>
<p>Stella let out a shaky breath, trying to pull Dana closer to her though there was no possible way to. Dana laughed softly, turning to face Stella and meet her gaze. </p>
<p>“Let me take care of you, at least just tonight.” She paused for a moment as she sat up, “Turn around.” </p>
<p>Stella hesitated, staring Dana down for a moment before she did as she was told. She shifted her weight, turning on her side and sighing as she felt Dana’s arms wrap around her tightly. The closeness she’d been grasping for before was suddenly palpable as she felt herself melt into Dana’s arms. She was engulfed, surrounded, supported. She felt safe, which was a feeling that had been foreign to her for as long as she could remember. She began to tremble again, though this time she wasn’t sure exactly what the culprit was. Dana felt her relax deeper into her, resting her head against her chest as she shook, her hands clinging to Dana’s arms around her waist. </p>
<p>“This just... Tonight was not the first time I’ve been... assaulted... or violated.”</p>
<p><em> There it is</em>, Dana thought, her grip on Stella tightening. </p>
<p>“But it’s been such a long time… I didn't expect it to still hurt this much.” </p>
<p>Dana let the revelation hang between them for a moment, giving Stella the chance to add to it should she want to. </p>
<p>“I’ve had a bit of an inkling that might be the case for a while. But I never wanted to push you. I still don’t. It’s completely your decision to talk about it when you’re ready to... but I just want you to know that when you are, I’m here.” She leaned down to place a kiss on her temple. “I want to know everything there is to know about you, Stella. The good, the bad, and everything in between. Whenever you feel ready, just know I’m a safe place for you to confide.” </p>
<p>Stella smiled up at her meekly, a million different emotions running through her head.  </p>
<p>“Thank you.” </p>
<p>Another thin tear fell from her eye as she nuzzled further into Dana’s embrace. </p>
<p>“Dana I don’t... I’m not weak.” </p>
<p>The redhead shook her head, her fingers gently playing with Stella's hair. </p>
<p>“I know you’re not. Nothing about this makes you weak. You’re the strongest person I know, Stella.”</p>
<p>Stella felt tears flood her eyes again, but rather than trying to force them back this time, she let them fall, letting her walls down as much as she was able. </p>
<p>“I’ve never been safe with my own emotions. But… you make me feel safe enough to let them in a little bit. To <em> feel </em> them.”</p>
<p>Dana smiled, pride overwhelming her as she watched Stella unravel in her arms. She had never loved another person the way she loved Stella, and getting to be the person she bared her soul to was something she would never tire of.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this chapter was a lot, but i hope the soft ending made up for it a little. </p>
<p>i think i might take a little writing break after this one, hopefully no more than like a week, but my brain is a little on the fritz. </p>
<p>as always, any feedback is appreciated. &lt;3 ily guys.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. To be loved</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Pure Dana and Stella fluff, a tiny bit of angst and Stella confronts Burns.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hellooooo. it’s taken me forever to get this chapter written but i finally did it. i’m not sure it was worth the wait but i hope you enjoy none the less.<br/>i used some dialogue from the fall but also changed it up quite a bit, so direct quotes obviously don’t belong to me. </p><p>thank you montana and lainey, as always, y’all are my everything.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Stella sighed in annoyance as she stared at the closed sign on the shop door. All she’d been able to think about since she’d woken up was replacing her dream diary. She’d planned to before work, but found herself running late after waking with a dull headache, forcing her to push it off until lunch time. Lunch time came around and she was needed at a crime scene, forcing her to skip lunch all together and push it off until after work. Seven o’clock rolled around and she found herself stuck in a debriefing, forcing her once again to push off her own needs for the sake of the case. Burns had been nowhere to be found again, leaving everything to fall on her shoulders for the second day in a row. Now there she stood at eight-thirty pm, staring at a closed sign, fighting off tears of frustration.</p><p>Defeated, she drove back to the hotel and made her way up to the room sluggishly. Once inside, she shrugged her bag and coat off quietly so as not to wake the redhead asleep on the bed. Leaving them in a heap on the floor, she made her way over to the couch and threw herself down against the cushions. Scribbling into her notepad, she tried to rack her tired brain to keep track of everything that had been discussed at the debriefing. She’d been writing for a while– deep in thought– when something caught her eye. Sitting on the corner of the coffee table was a brand new black, leather bound journal. She stared at it for a moment, wondering if it was truly what she thought it was, but when she picked it up a piece of receipt paper fell out and she instantly noticed Dana’s handwriting on the back. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Stel– </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I know it was difficult for you to have your journal taken away. I know I can’t fix it or get it back for you, but I wanted to make sure you at least got a new one. Here’s the receipt, in case you want to exchange it for something different.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I love you, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> –D </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Stella’s eyes welled up with tears as she stared down at Dana’s words. Her heart was swelling and for a moment she felt as if she might burst at the seams with love and contentment. She lifted the small black journal to her nose and sniffed, humming as the scent of leather and lavender invaded her nostrils. The receipt made her laugh lightly as she reread <em> ‘in case you want to exchange it</em>’. Everything about it was perfect and it was no surprise Dana knew her well, picking out something she absolutely loved. Her senses were overwhelmed with love and she found herself no longer caring about the debriefing that had occurred a couple hours before. She was exhausted and all she really wanted was to lay with Dana and hold her close.</p><p>Abandoning her shoes by the couch, Stella made her way over to the bed with her new journal clutched tightly against her chest. She set it on the nightstand before climbing into bed and nuzzling close to the snoring redhead. Her eyes closed for a few seconds and she focused on her partner’s breathing, hoping it would lull her to sleep, but to her disappointment she felt her begin to stir. </p><p>“Stel?” Dana asked, her voice heavy with sleep. She clumsily turned herself over in Stella’s arms, a warm smile spreading across her lips as she looked at the blonde. </p><p>“Hi love.” Stella’s words oozed love and adoration as she looked down at her groggy girlfriend. </p><p>She watched as Dana yawned, her eyes falling half closed as she continued to wake up. She wanted to tell her how much she loved her, how much the diary meant to her, though she found herself temporarily at a loss for words. Emotion welled up inside of her briefly and she was afraid that if she spoke it would all come spilling out. Dana sat up to meet her lips with a soft kiss, her eyes getting wider as she noticed the journal on the nightstand behind her.</p><p>“Oh!” She gasped against her lips, pulling away too soon for Stella’s liking, “You found the diary… I hope you like it? I looked at them for a while and wanted to make sure I got the perfect one. They had so many different kinds. If you want something else you can return it, I kept the receipt.”</p><p>Stella watched Dana fumble over her words with a smirk on her face, the adoration only growing with each passing second. She just looked at her in silence for a moment, letting the warmth radiate between them as she appreciated every little feature on the redhead’s face. </p><p>“I love it, Dana. It’s perfect. And the fact that you went and got me one in the first place means more to me than you will ever possibly know.” Stella rested her forehead against Dana’s as she held the back of her neck.</p><p>“I just didn’t want you to have to go another night without it. I know it’s important to you.”</p><p>Stella didn’t say anything more, but nodded to let her know that she’d heard her. Silence rested between them again as they held each other close, happy to be together again after a long day apart. Dana was surprised at how calm Stella seemed, and found a dreaded question overwhelming her brain.</p><p>“Did you see Jim today?” She let the words tumble out, cursing herself when she felt Stella tense slightly.</p><p>“No. He was gone again today.” She stated, letting out an exasperated breath, “I was stuck doing all the work, <em> once again</em>.” </p><p>Dana didn’t miss how dismissive Stella’s statement had been to the actual issue at hand, and she found herself unable to let her get away with it as she wondered what was going on in that beautiful head of hers. </p><p>“Will he be back tomorrow?”</p><p>“He should be.”</p><p>The redhead gave her a moment, hoping she would continue, but she didn’t. </p><p>“How do you feel about it? Are you nervous or afraid or-”</p><p>Stella scoffed. “He’s not dangerous, Dana. He’s just an idiot.” Her words came out harsher than she meant  them to and she softened when she felt Dana flinch. “I’m sorry. I– Yes. I’m nervous about seeing him. I don’t know what to do or say. I don’t feel like I can just go back to working with him as if nothing ever happened, but I also don’t think I can say anything to him.”</p><p>Dana thought for a moment, nodding against Stella’s chest. </p><p>“Well, I think you should do whatever you’re most comfortable with. Whatever makes <em> you </em>feel safe and content. Don’t think about him, or work, or the case. Think about you. If confronting him will help you to feel more comfortable then I really think you should consider it. But if that’s too much for you, you don’t have to.” She paused for a moment, “It’s all in your control, Stel.”</p><p>Stella nodded, closing her eyes as she nuzzled her nose down against Dana’s head.</p><p>“Thank you, love.” She yawned, “Can we just go to sleep now?” </p><p>“You’re still in your clothes, Stella.”</p><p>A grin spread across the blonde’s face, but she didn’t open her eyes.<br/>“So? I don’t mind it.” </p><p>“What if I do? What if they’re scratchy?” </p><p>One eye popped open and Stella sighed heartily before twisting her body toward the edge of the bed.</p><p>“Fine, fine. I’ll go change.”</p><p>Five minutes later she returned, clad in her white nightgown and silk robe, dragging herself sluggishly to the bed. </p><p>“Better?” She asked as she climbed under the covers next to Dana.</p><p>The redhead smiled as she felt her arms wrap around her again. “Oh yes. I just wanted you to be comfortable.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Steam rose from the water, creating a thin layer of dew on her face as she rested her head against the edge of the bathtub. Her eyes were shut, her lips parted in contentment. The water was warm, almost too warm, and her skin screamed in protest anytime she shifted beneath it. She felt fingers on her, massaging the skin of her arm and she hummed lightly in approval. Dana’s hand seemed rough, seemingly bigger, though she didn’t focus on it long due to the fog invading her brain. She heard a faint “help me” in the distance, and it caught her attention, though her eyelids felt too heavy to open. A deep, masculine sigh overtook her senses, causing panic to course through her, and another “help me” finally forced her eyes open. The voice was Dana’s, that much she was sure of. Her eyes fell on Spector’s face, his hand resting against her arm and she felt a jolt deep within her. She tried to tear her arm away, backing up into the far side of the tub, trying to create as much distance from him as possible. His grip on her wrist tightened, bruising her as he stood. She was preoccupied, trying to look for Dana, trying to find the source of the pleas for help, though all she could see was a cascade of red hair on the bed before Spector blocked her sight, leaning over her. Instantly, she was submerged, being held under the water. She thrashed around, trying to get out of his grip, though all she was able to manage was brief moments with her head above water. Each time she could hear the cries for help as she gasped for air, but she was useless as she was shoved back under after a few seconds, repeatedly. Panic overtook her as she struggled, however, she found it was not for herself, but rather for what would happen to Dana once she was taken out of the equation. That thought alone pushed her to fight against him for as long as she was able, but it wasn’t long before her vision began to fade. Her lungs burned painfully in her chest, begging for air. Everything went black. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> She shot up with a painful inhale, panicking for a moment as her body struggled to expel the breath. The room was mostly dark, the only light coming in through a small crack in the curtains. She took a few more deep breaths before laying back against her pillow, pulling the duvet up to her chin. Everything was silent again, until she heard bustling from the other side of the room. The mattress dipped slightly as a familiar figure sat on the edge of the bed.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Rise and shine.” She felt his warm, firm hand rest against her shoulder. “Time to get up. Stella for star.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Five more minutes, daddy. Please.” She whispered in protest, her eyelids growing heavy.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She heard bustling again and opened her eyes to see him standing at the foot of the bed.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I have to go now, Stella.” He stated, causing her heartbeat to quicken.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “No, please don’t.” She cried out, but he was already gone.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Stella startled, her eyes wide as she glanced around the room, looking for her father. He was nowhere to be found and she realized it had only been a dream. It had all been a dream. Her gaze fell to Dana, soundly asleep next to her and an array of emotions flooded her. Once she was a bit more grounded, sure that Dana really was safe next to her, she pulled out her brand new journal and cracked it open to the first page. She scribbled down everything she could remember from both dreams, glancing over as she did so to ensure that her partner was still fast asleep.</p><p>After she was satisfied and felt a bit calmer, she put the journal back on the nightstand and turned back towards Dana. She watched her for a while, smiling to herself at her little twitches and snores. No one had ever made her feel so completely whole and the love she felt for her was overwhelming. Eventually, Stella laid back down, pulling Dana flat against her chest and resting her head against her shoulder blade. She paid close attention to her breathing, matching her own to it and allowing it to slowly lull her back to sleep.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>——————</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Dread and anxiety gripped Stella as she made her way into the station, her eyes darting around, feeling like everyone was staring at her. She could see the light on in Burns’ office and made a b-line for her own, needing a minute to herself. It was short lived though, as she heard footsteps heading towards the door moments after she’d turned the light on. </p><p>“Good morning.” Jim said, his voice low and apprehensive. </p><p>Stella forced a smile, nodding in his direction as she began to unpack her bag. </p><p>“You’ll have to forgive me I’ve been a bit… Out of commission the last couple days,” He began and Stella quickly wondered where he was going to take the conversation, “What was it that went on with Spector the night before last? He was in your hotel room?” </p><p>She nodded, pulling a folder out from under her case files and opening it up to the map of her hotel room. </p><p>“Yeah. He was hiding in there.” She stated, pointing at the walk in wardrobe. “He was in there for approximately an hour. He was in there with Dana and he sent me a picture of her before he left.” </p><p>She shuttered having to relive that moment and noticed that Jim was hardly listening to her, his mind clearly elsewhere. </p><p>“He also read my dream diary.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I keep a journal. He left an entry for me.” </p><p>“Does your journal contain procedural stuff?” He asked and she shook her head. </p><p>“I trained myself to wake up and write down dreams. I did it at first as an investigative thing, but now I can’t stop doing it. It’s not procedural. It’s personal.” Her eyes averted away from him, giving herself a moment to collect herself. “And now it’s lost to me. Seized as evidence.”</p><p>She could see the glassy look still in his eyes and she knew he’d checked out the moment she’d confirmed it was personal. </p><p>“Do you think if I hadn’t come by last night he would’ve… Do you think he was planning to attack you? You were in the room alone.” </p><p>“Is that how you see yourself? As my protector?” She scoffed. </p><p>“I came here to apologize.” </p><p>She closed her eyes with a short huff, swallowing the lump forming in her throat. </p><p>“There’s no need.” She whispered as she laid her hand over her eyes. “Spector got too close. He broke into my hotel room, he read personal entries, he took a photo of my girlfriend. He’s escalating and not just in his crimes, but in his taunts against us. He’s getting sloppy.” </p><p>“He may be sloppy, but he’s not going to slip up.” </p><p>“He will slip up. He’s human.” </p><p> “I’ve been face to face with pure evil, Stella. Spector is cut from the same cloth. He’s not a human being, he’s a monster.” </p><p>“Stop, Jim. Please. You can see the world in that way if you want, but you know it makes no sense to me.” She paused, taking a moment to steady her breathing as she felt an unexpected wave of anger wash over her, “Men like Spector are all too human. Too understandable. He’s not a monster, he’s just a man. <em> Just like you </em>.” </p><p>When she realized what she’d said she felt guilty, but it was too late to take it back. </p><p>“I am a man, but I hope to god I’m nothing like him.” </p><p>She sighed, knowing it was unfair to compare him to Spector, but despite that, she felt the need to hurt him and make it known that what he’d done to her was fucked up. </p><p>“No, you’re not.” She paused, reminding herself what Dana had said the night before, “But you still came to my hotel room uninvited and mounted some kind of drunken attack on me.”</p><p>“It wasn’t an attack!” He took a step closer and she felt her heart sink in her chest. “That’s unfair. I was just… I just wanted…” </p><p>“What did you want? To fuck me? Nail me? Bang me? Screw me?” Her anger was growing, though she kept herself cool and collected on the outside. </p><p>“I wouldn’t use those words about you.” </p><p>She kept her gaze locked tight with his, unwavering as she spoke. “I was saying no, Jim. Quite clearly. You ignored me and carried on.”</p><p>“It’s not the same.” He spat. </p><p>“No. It’s not the same.” She looked down at the file in front of her, feeling a pressure building in her chest, “But you still crossed the line.” </p><p>With that she picked the file up off her desk and brushed past him, leaving the room before he could say anything else. She felt a sense of pride and regret and anxiety and contentment engulf her all at once as she walked toward the meeting room. Her legs shook slightly beneath her but she held herself steady and her head high as she entered the room to begin yet another debriefing. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>——————</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Dana watched Stella enter the hotel room with bright eyes, a small perk in her step that hadn’t been there in a while. She smiled at her, laying her book down on the coffee table and standing up to meet her in the middle of the room. </p><p>“You’re home early.” She smiled, kissing her softly. </p><p>“No I’m not, I’m just not late for once.” Stella corrected, setting her hand against Dana’s cheek before stepping to the side to kick her shoes off. </p><p>“I confronted Jim today. It wasn’t anything too intense but… I still said something.” </p><p>The smile on Dana’s face widened as she watched her girlfriend speak. She had hoped she would, but she also knew Stella wasn’t one to confront emotions– and admitting to Jim that what he’d done affected her meant confronting the fact that it had evoked an emotional response. The redhead listened to her talk for a bit longer until she remembered the bath she’d drawn after Stella texted her to say she was leaving work. Her attention was stuck on that, and the moment she got an in, she took it. </p><p>“Stel, I drew a bath. Figured you might need to relax.” </p><p>Stella’s eyes lit up and she nodded, holding her hand out and leading Dana towards the bathroom. She took one step into the room and flashes from her nightmare flooded her brain, making her stop abruptly and causing Dana to collide against her back. She could feel Stella tense up and slowly start to retreat, backing them both out of the bathroom. </p><p>“No– No I’m um… I’m just going to shower actually.” She stated, turning around once she was outside the doorway.</p><p>Dana squinted at her, her lips pursing. “Are you okay?” </p><p>“Yeah no um… I’m fine. I just want to shower.”</p><p>The redhead continued to stare at her, urging her to talk to her. She had been drawing baths for Stella after long days at work since the very first night they’d arrived in Belfast and the sudden urgent protest made Dana’s chest heavy. She found that she felt somewhat disappointed. </p><p>“I need to shower, please. I feel… dirty and a shower is the only thing that will fix that.” With that Stella turned around and stepped back into the bathroom, shutting the door in Dana’s face. </p><p>The click of the lock hit Dana right in the chest, her heart aching as a mixed feeling of worry and rejection formed a cocktail in her mind. Stella had been so open with her the past couple days, even just moments before, and it shocked her how quickly that had shifted. She thought about her wording, about her feeling ‘dirty,’ and her heart sank in her chest as she began to realize it was probably in relation to Jim Burns. </p><p>In the bathroom, Stella avoided the bathtub, not even bothering to drain it as she climbed in the shower. The water was hot, bordering on too hot, and she scrubbed herself until her skin was raw. She stood in the stream for a while, feeling as the scalding water stung her now tender skin. It was comforting in some way, and she felt no urgency to alleviate the pain it was causing. She welcomed it, reveled in it. </p><p>The water eventually ran cold and Stella took it as a sign to get out, shivering as the cool air tickled her heated skin. She wrapped herself in a robe and made her way out of the bathroom, finding Dana on the bed staring in her direction. The room felt heavy, but she ignored it and she shuffled her way over to the bed, climbing under the covers and facing away from the redhead. She felt arms wrap around her, pulling her close and she couldn’t help the small smile that painted her face as her body met Dana’s. </p><p>“What’s going on?” She whispered, her head resting on Stella’s shoulder as she pushed blonde pieces of wet hair from her face. Immediately, she noticed how red and inflamed Stella’s skin was. She lightly grazed her fingers against it, surprised by how hot she felt. Her brow furrowed and she couldn’t help but frown as she looked down at her girlfriend. </p><p>“I suppose you won’t believe me if I say ‘nothing’?” Stella asked with a smirk, causing Dana to roll her eyes light heartedly. </p><p>“Is it about Jim? Because you had to see and talk to him today?” </p><p>Stella shrugged, playing with the hem of the duvet. “No. I mean, maybe it does have some to do with that.” She admitted, considering her little stint in the shower, “But um… actually it’s far more stupid.” </p><p>“It’s not stupid, Stella. Whatever it is, I can promise you it isn’t stupid.” </p><p>“I had a nightmare last night. Spector was drowning me in the bathtub and you were off somewhere begging for help, but I couldn’t do anything to help you. I was powerless and all I could think about was what would happen to you if…” Stella trailed off, feeling ridiculous that a dream had affected her this deeply. “Anyway… I saw the bathtub and I panicked. He bathes his victims after he kills them. I don’t think that’s something you know. It’s not in the news and I don’t remember telling you. I hadn’t really thought anything of that detail, outside of the profile, but now, I don’t know. Between him being here and targeting you… me… And the nightmare I just- I feel out of control and I don’t like it.” </p><p>She stopped talking, letting out an exasperated breath as she shut her eyes. </p><p>“It’s not stupid, Stella. It makes perfect sense, and it’s perfectly valid.” </p><p>Dana laid there for a moment, her brilliant doctor brain racing as she considered her options. Without another word she jumped up from the bed and scurried into the bathroom, frowning to herself when she saw the tub still full of water. She pulled the plug, allowing it to drain before filling it up again, adding the usual oils and salts to it before making her way back into the room. </p><p>“Get up.” She demanded gently, confusing the blonde. </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“Get up, we’re taking a bath.” </p><p>“Dana, I <em> just </em>showered.” Stella stated, scrunching her nose. </p><p>“I know you did, but I don’t care. Come on, you’re going to take a bath and I’m going to take it with you. I’ll make sure you’re safe.” She walked over and pulled Stella up, dragging her toward the bathroom and stopping in the doorway. </p><p>“If you really don’t want to, you don’t have to. I just want to help, however I can. It’s up to you.” </p><p>Stella took a deep breath, glancing over toward the tub before looking back at her partner. She sighed heavily and nodded. </p><p>“Okay.” </p><p>She followed the redhead, watching her smile as she undid her robe and undressed herself. Dana didn’t hesitate before stepping into the water, leaning back against the edge of the tub. She held out her hand and Stella hesitated for a moment, waiting for her to scoot up so she could hold her. She quickly realized that’s not what Dana had in mind and, despite her own feelings about it, she took her hand and stepped into the water. Stella eased herself down, wincing as her raw skin burned at the contact. She relaxed into the warmth that engulfed her, letting her eyes close as her head rested against Dana’s chest. She hummed softly at the feeling of Dana’s touch, drawing gentle circles on her stomach. To her surprise, she felt immensely calm and was nearly falling asleep when she felt hands on her arm. </p><p>Suddenly, it was no longer Dana’s touch that she felt, but Spector’s. She shot up, splashing water as she did so, her eyes flying open to see the delicate hands of her girlfriend resting against her skin. She took a deep breath, leaning back again, though she couldn’t stop her body from trembling. Dana rested her chin on her shoulder, her hands moving back down to her stomach and embracing her tightly. </p><p>“I’m sorry.” Dana whispered. </p><p>“It wasn’t you. It’s okay. I’m okay.” </p><p>“I won’t let anything happen to you, okay? You’re safe.” </p><p>There was that word again.<em> Safe </em>. Stella felt her muscles loosen as she gave in to the comfort Dana was giving her, allowing her to hold her, to protect her. Her eyes stayed open, staring intently at the redhead’s hands as they grazed her skin. She started to feel sleepy, letting her eyes flutter closed again, and when she found herself involuntarily tensing, Dana reached her hand up to turn her face towards her. </p><p>“Look at me. It’s just me. It’s just us. We’re safe.”</p><p>Stella nodded, straining her neck to plant a kiss against Dana’s lips. </p><p>“Thank you. Thank you for… <em>taking care</em> <em>of </em>me. Thank you for not making me feel weak or broken in the process.” </p><p>The redhead’s lips curled into a wide smile as she looked down at her. </p><p>“You’re welcome, but you don’t have to thank me. You’re not weak and you’re not broken. Everyone needs a little help sometimes. And you’ve always done everything on your own, it’s time you got a break from that.” </p><p>Stella felt overwhelmed, once again, by the love she held for this woman. No one had ever made her feel so loved, cherished and secure, other than her father. When she lost him she thought she’d lost any chance of ever having that again, however, Dana was slowly but surely proving her wrong. It felt nice to let go, to trust someone so fully. Before Dana, showing emotion meant admitting weakness. Vulnerability put her in the line of fire and she simply could not afford that. But now, now she had a safe place to let her walls down and let every part of herself free. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you for reading! i hope you liked itttt. :) </p><p>feedback is always welcome, and i’m not sure about anything i’ve written recently so i’d really especially love your feedback. &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Feral</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Just two horny ladies in love.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is all smut, and smut is not my strength so let’s hope it doesn’t show.<br/>disclaimer: fuck bill jr still, i just wanted something nice n fuzzy for scully. </p><p>montana, as always, i owe you my life for your beta.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dana was pinned flat against the hotel door, Stella’s mouth trailing hot sloppy kisses down her throat. She hummed softly, craning her neck to provide more space for Stella’s venture. No matter how many times she had her, she would never get enough of the blonde. Stella had been insatiably horny lately, and Dana had not a single complaint. However, it wasn’t only sex she was horny for, it was all of it, every possible form of intimacy they were capable of. She was feral with devotion. The thought of being so completely safe and uninhibited with someone made her need to be close to Dana fiercely unquenchable. </p><p> </p><p>Stella could hardly wait to get her upstairs, every ounce of strength she had going toward not taking her right there in the elevator. They’d had dinner in the hotel restaurant rather than in their room, a small “celebration” of sorts since Paul Spector had been taken into custody that morning. However, as they sat in wait for their meals, Stella began to wish they’d opted for room service instead. Her leg bounced beneath the table the entirety of dinner, her misplaced energy needing to go somewhere. Dana had barely swallowed the last bite of their dessert before Stella was on her feet, pulling her towards the elevators and calling to the waiter to put their bill on room 529’s tab. </p><p>The moment the door closed, though, something shifted and the urgency went away. She had Dana all to herself and she wanted to savor her. Stella had her up against the door for a while, deliciously teasing her with feather light kisses all over her skin. A soft whine escaped Dana’s lips and Stella could see the want written on her face. She led her over to the bed and stopped at the foot of it, sliding Dana’s white tank top over her head. The sight of her braless chest pulled a low moan from the blonde. She dropped to her knees and unbuttoned her dark blue jeans, beginning to slide them down her legs. The fact that they were skin tight aided her teasing as it took a moment to peel them from her skin. Once they were off she tossed them aside, slowly trailing her hands up her legs until her index fingers hooked in the waistline of her panties. Dana moaned at the feeling of the lace grazing her skin as they were pulled down and her knees nearly buckled in anticipation. </p><p>Stella grinned before pushing her back, watching her breasts bounce as her body made contact with the bed. Dana laid flat on her back, watching with wide eyes as Stella began to unbutton her blouse, moving significantly faster with her own clothing. Within seconds Stella was completely naked, climbing on top of her with a hungry smile. Their lips crashed together and Stella’s tongue instantly slipped into her mouth. Her hand slid between their bodies and found Dana’s entrance with ease, collecting her arousal on her fingers before slipping two into her warm, silky pussy. Dana moaned contentedly at the intrusion as she no longer ached for Stella to be inside her. </p><p>Their tongues intertwined, exploring, tasting, fighting for dominance as Stella began an agonizingly slow rhythm, languorously sliding her fingers in and out of Dana’s pussy, working her up to a slow orgasm. It was deliciously torturous. Soft moans and whispers fell from the redhead’s lips as her eyes fluttered closed and her orgasm crept up on her, washing over her like a warm summer breeze. She sighed as she felt Stella’s fingers slide out of her, already missing the soft sensual pleasure they’d just given her. Her eyes remained closed as Stella stared down at her, playing with loose strands of hair. </p><p>“Stella.”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“I want to taste you.” Her speech was slightly slurred, entirely sleepy and sated. </p><p>“Yes, please.” Stella moaned, leaning down to trap Dana’s lips back into a sloppy kiss. </p><p>She broke the kiss almost as quickly as she initiated it and Dana considered objecting, but before she was able Stella moved to the foot of the bed. She climbed backward over Dana’s body, turning so that her pussy was lined up with Dana's mouth. </p><p>Without hesitation, the redhead melted her mouth onto her, humming as soon as she tasted her arousal. She licked her from top to bottom a few times before her tongue settled on her clit, circling it lightly as she started to suck. Stella grit her teeth, shooting a pain through her jaw, as she dropped her face down between Dana’s legs. Her tongue darted out and slid through Dana’s wetness, eliciting a low throaty moan from the redhead. Stella felt the vibration against her and thrust her hips back slightly. Her tongue slipped it’s way inside Dana and she could feel her breath hitch beneath her as she quickly started to pump it in and out, licking at her walls with fervor. It didn’t take long before she could feel Dana’s walls fluttering around her tongue. </p><p>“Stella… I’m gonna…” She trailed off as she returned her mouth to Stella’s clit. </p><p>“Do it, baby. Come for me.” Stella encouraged, but Dana shook her head. </p><p>“You first.” </p><p>Stella smiled against her, quickening the movements of her tongue and bringing her finger up to press against her clit. Dana had just made this a challenge. It wasn’t long before the redhead was crying out, her hips bucking up to ride out her climax against Stella’s tongue. The moment she collapsed with a sigh, her lips wrapped back around Stella’s clit, humming and moaning repeatedly as she sucked and licked and tasted her. The soft vibrations sent Stella over the edge and her orgasm slammed into her with more force than she’d expected it to. She flipped herself over so that she was laying on her back next to Dana’s legs and took several deep breaths. </p><p>“Fuck Dana.” She finally spoke, raising her head up to see the redhead already looking at her, her lips gleaming with her come. </p><p>Dana’s tongue slipped from her mouth, licking her lips slowly. </p><p>“Delicious.” </p><p>Stella couldn’t help herself and sprung up from her spot, attacking her lips and moaning as the tastes of their arousals mingled together between their mouths. They eventually broke for air, laying arm in arm, their chests rising and falling in time with each other. </p><p>“We need to go to sleep.” Dana whispered after a moment, causing the blonde to sit up with a defeated sigh. </p><p>“I know… But I don’t want to.” </p><p>“You have to be up at six for press, babe. You need to sleep.” </p><p>Stella nodded with a huff, pulling the blankets and sheets back before sliding her naked body into them. </p><p>“Come on.” She prompted, holding them open until Dana slid herself in as well. She pulled her body against her, holding her tightly to her chest and nuzzling her nose into her hair as she let her eyes fall closed and Dana turned off the light. </p><p>
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</p><p>——————</p><p>
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</p><p>Dana sat on the couch, fiddling with a glass of wine as she impatiently waited for Stella to text that she was leaving work so she could order dinner. She’d been intently focused on job searching the majority of the day and missed lunch, finding that she was now getting hangry. She stood up and began to pace, shoving a handful of almonds into her mouth to stave off the dizziness she was beginning to feel. Her phone rang loudly, dropping out of her shaky hands, and she felt her heart sink. If Stella was calling, that probably meant she wasn’t going to make it for dinner. She bent down to pick it back up, surprise filling her as she looked at the screen. Hesitantly, she pressed <em> accept call </em> and put the phone up to her ear. </p><p>“Bill?” She asked softly. </p><p>“Dana Katherine! Where the hell are you?” </p><p>His voice was raised and laced with nervous anger. It took her by surprise, especially since her eldest brother was the last person she’d expected to hear from. </p><p>“Bill, why are you calling? Did something happen?”</p><p>“Yes something happened, I came to D.C. and you’re absolutely nowhere to be found. What the fuck is going on?” </p><p>Dana took a deep breath. She hadn’t heard from her brother in so long, this was truly the last conversation she thought she’d have to have. </p><p>“You’re in D.C.?”</p><p>“Yes. I stopped by your apartment and was told you no longer live there. I stopped by your work and had to see that stupid partner of yours, and he told me you no longer work for the FBI… That you’ve been gone for months... What the fuck is going on Dana?” </p><p>It took a moment for Dana to collect her thoughts, trying to decipher the best way to go about telling him. </p><p>“I live in London now.” Was all she managed as she nervously bit the inside of her cheek. </p><p>“You what? What do you mean you live in London? Since when? Why didn’t you tell me? What are you doing there?” Bill fired question after question at her, not giving her a chance to answer a single one of them. “No, you know what, this is fishy. I don’t like this. Where in London are you? I’m coming to see you, I don’t trust this.” </p><p>Dana huffed, annoyed by his sudden display of worry. It’s not like he’d cared previously. </p><p>“No, Bill. Don’t come to London. I’m not actually <em> there </em> right now, but that’s where I’m going to be living.” </p><p>A silence hung between them for a moment. </p><p>“I don’t understand. You’re not making this seem any less suspicious.” </p><p>“Why do you even care, Bill? I’m a grown woman, why does it matter what I’m doing?” She rolled her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers, “I’m fine. Everything is fine.” </p><p>“Because you’re the only family I have left, Dana!” There was another pause and Dana felt her chest constrict tightly. “You can’t just do that. You can’t just move to another country and not even tell me.” </p><p>She felt a bout of guilt overwhelm her, but quickly pushed it aside. </p><p>“What about Charlie?”</p><p>“Charlie left the family, he doesn’t count anymore. He disappeared… you’re not allowed to disappear too.”</p><p>Dana’s teeth sunk deeper into the flesh of her cheek and she winced slightly. She wasn’t sure what to say and felt a plethora of emotions consume her. Part of her wanted to be angry he chose now to care. Part of her wanted to tell him to fuck off and quit treating her like a child. But a big part of her felt seen, by someone other than Stella, for the first time in forever. She indulged in the fact that someone had noticed her absence, that someone missed her. </p><p>“I’m in Belfast, Northern Ireland.”</p><p>“For how long?” </p><p>“I don’t know, Bill. But once I’m done here I’ll be moving to London. That’s where I’ll be.”</p><p>“What are you doing in Ireland?”</p><p>She took a deep breath and hesitated, knowing where he stood with his religious beliefs. “I… met someone. We’ve been dating and… <em> She </em> lives in London.” Dana felt her heart skip a beat at the pronoun. “She’s on assignment in Belfast currently, though. She asked me to come with her, so I did.” </p><p>There was a long, heavy silence between them and Dana braced herself for the crucifiction. </p><p>“You’re dating a woman?” His voice was impossibly calm. </p><p>“Yes. Her name’s Stella.” </p><p>“Dana,” He sighed, pausing for a moment, “You’re not… You can’t be… It’s not righ-” He stopped again and she heard him take a few deep breaths. “I don’t want to fight with you right now. That’s not what I called for. We’ll discuss this some other time.” </p><p>Dana already dreaded the thought of <em> that </em>conversation, but she appreciated his level headed approach for the time being, allowing her to hold onto the warm feeling of being missed. </p><p>“How’s Matthew?” She asked after a long silence, feeling a pang in her chest as she thought about her only nephew.</p><p>“He’s good. He misses you.”</p><p>Dana let out a dry laugh, “I highly doubt that. He doesn’t even know me.” </p><p>“That's not true. I’m serious. He asks about you a lot actually.”</p><p>She felt her heart absolutely melt and she smiled against her phone. </p><p>“Well tell him I miss him too.” </p><p>“You could tell him yourself… He’s seventeen, he’s got a cell phone.” </p><p>“Seventeen,” She whispered breathlessly, “How in the hell is he seventeen?” When she thought of Matthew, she pictured the small toddler or the little five year old that she used to babysit. No part of her was prepared to think of him as a soon to be adult. </p><p>“He’ll be off to college soon. He’s um… Studying abroad.” His voice shifted as he smirked, though Dana missed it through her contemplation. “I’ll tell him he should call you sometime. I’ll give him your number.” </p><p>She smiled. “I would love that.” </p><p>“Dana um… Thank you… For talking to me. For giving me some peace of mind.” </p><p>Dana’s heart swelled a bit in her chest. “Thanks for calling.” She replied, ending the call with a small smile plastered on her lips. </p><p>Looking back down at her phone, she saw she’d missed a message from Stella saying she was leaving work, and sighed with content at the thought of finally ordering food. </p><p>
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</p><p>Stella fumbled into the hotel room, kicking her shoes off by the door and letting her bag and police hat fall to the floor. She was deep in thought about how ready she was to take her stiff uniform off when she heard a gasp from the other side of the room. She turned to see Dana’s eyes wide and her mouth open as she stared at her. She’d been asleep when Stella left that morning and had completely missed seeing her in uniform, but now she was standing in front of her fully decorated and her heartbeat quickened in her chest. The black pencil skirt hugging the curves of her hips perfectly, the suit jacket tailored and crisp, the tie fastened at her neck. She looked powerful. </p><p>“Stella,” She groaned, licking her dry lips. “Fuck me.” She whispered. </p><p>“What was that love?” Stella asked with a smirk.  </p><p>“Fuck me!” She said louder without hesitation. </p><p>Stella began to walk towards her, her hands reaching up to the buttons of her suit jacket but Dana quickly protested. </p><p>“No! In the suit. Fuck me in the suit.” </p><p>Stella grinned, the feral excitement written on Dana’s face making her wet. All previous thoughts about food were completely gone from Dana’s mind now, her brain consumed with desire. </p><p>“Sit down, then.” Stella said firmly, pointing to the couch. </p><p>Dana quickly obeyed, her head falling back to the top of the cushions. </p><p>“What about dinner?” </p><p>“It will be here in 20 minutes.” </p><p>“Perfect… Let’s make it quick then.” </p><p>Stella stepped between her spread legs, kneeling down and brushing the black skirt of her uniform out. </p><p>“Legs up.” She demanded, gesturing toward the coffee table behind her.</p><p>Dana lifted her legs to rest her feet against it, and Stella quickly reached up to pull her leggings and panties down together in one quick motion. She was already soaking wet and it made a moan escape from deep in Stella’s throat. She reached up and gripped Dana’s hips, yanking her forward so that her pelvis was at the edge of the couch. Locking eyes with her, her head dipped down and her tongue slowly slipped out of her mouth, licking at her pussy ever so softly. Dana squirmed beneath her ministrations and she quickly reached a hand up to hold her hips in place, her other hand traveling up to the redheads lips. Without having to be asked, Dana took two fingers into her mouth, sucking on them for a moment until they were nice and wet. </p><p>“Good girl.” Stella purred, and Dana was shocked she didn’t come right then and there. </p><p>The blonde moved her hand back down between Dana’s legs and pushed two fingers inside her, beginning to rub methodical circles on her clit with her tongue. She fucked her fast and hard, asking her to come like the <em> good girl </em> she was. Her orgasm quickly slammed into her like a freight train as she stared down intently at her girlfriend in her authoritative apparel, listening to her praise her. </p><p>As soon as she regained her composure, Dana sat upright, pulling Stella on the couch with her and laying her back against the armrest as she hiked the skirt up. She reached her hand behind the blonde’s head and yanked the ponytail from her hair, letting her curls cascade down her shoulders. Stella watched as her hands roamed all around the uniform, amused by her partner's fascination with simple garments. </p><p>“Are you going to fuck me, or just grope my suit?” She asked with a smirk, pulling Dana out of her trance. </p><p>“Hush.” </p><p>The smirk quickly vanished from Stella’s face as she watched Dana maneuver herself so that her head was between her thighs. She felt a rush of arousal at the sight of her red hair disappearing beneath her skirt. </p><p>There was little Dana loved more than eating Stella out, and she found she was extra enthusiastic about the notion of doing so while she was in uniform. Dana made quick work of it, stroking her tongue in all the right places, sending Stella into a slew of inaudible moans and gasps. All she could see when she looked down was the small rise and fall of her skirt as Dana lapped at her pussy. Stella ground her hips up into her face, beginning to pant with the anticipation of release. </p><p>When she came Dana licked her clean, making sure no evidence of their endeavor would stain her skirt before sliding out from under it with a satisfied look on her face. She stared down at Stella with wide, twinkling eyes, admiring the way her cheeks flushed pink in her afterglow, eyes closed, her hair curled loosely around her shoulders, the suit still perfectly in place despite being fucked. </p><p>“I wish I’d known you’d have that reaction to this ugly uniform before. I would’ve done something about it ages ago.” Stella sighed with a smirk, sitting up so that she was face to face with Dana. </p><p>“Why don’t you go change, before I get horny again just looking at you.” The redhead smiled, pleased with herself as she felt the hitch in Stella’s breath. “Dinner will be here soon.”</p><p> </p><p>Once their food arrived Dana very quickly remembered how hungry she was, her stomach growling loudly as she got up to answer the door. Stella returned a few minutes later wearing her silk robe, and joined Dana on the couch with a contented sigh at the sight of food. </p><p>“How was your day?” The redhead asked, handing a set of silverware to Stella before unraveling her own. </p><p>“Well, let’s see… I wore a stiff, uncomfortable suit all day and had to speak to about eighty different news stations about why it took us <em> so long </em> to catch the Belfast Strangler.” She looked over to see Dana watching her intently and shrugged. “It actually could’ve been worse. How about yours?” </p><p>“I um… I talked to my brother, actually.” </p><p>Stella’s eyebrow raised, having only ever heard Dana speak about her brothers once or twice. </p><p>“Bill Jr. He called me and he was really angry. I guess he’s in D.C. and tried to stop by to see me but obviously I wasn’t there.” </p><p>“Did you not tell him you were coming here?” She wasn’t really sure what Dana’s relationship with her older brother was actually like and she found her mind was filled with questions. </p><p>“No I… I didn’t really tell anyone. Other than work. I didn’t think there was anyone else who would care to notice.” Dana paused to take a bite of food before leaning against the back of the couch. “He was upset I hadn’t told him I was moving to London. Said I’m the only family he has left and I can’t just disappear on him.” </p><p>“How do you feel after talking to him?” </p><p>“I don’t know. He’s against homosexuality. I told him I’m dating you. I could practically hear the insults coming, but they never happened. He said we’d talk about it another time. Overall it was a pretty good conversation, actually.” </p><p>“Well that’s good! Right?” Stella could sense hesitation in Dana’s words. </p><p>“I guess. The thing about Bill is that he’s unpredictable. There’s no telling what he’ll be like the next time I talk to him, so I’ve learned not to hold my breath. I don’t expect anything from him. But I have to admit it was nice to know somebody cared. That somebody noticed I was gone.” </p><p>Stella pulled her into her arms, wrapping herself around her tightly. </p><p>“You’re so important, Dana.” It was a simple reminder, but she knew it was needed and she smiled as she saw Dana’s eyes light up a bit. “You’re so loved.” </p><p>“I know. You’ve made sure I believe that beyond a shadow of a doubt.” </p><p>She leaned in, capturing Stella in a warm, loving kiss and let out a deep exhale through her nose, the breath tickling Stella’s face. </p><p>“How about we finish our dinner,” The blonde started, “And I take you to bed.” </p><p>A large grin spread across Dana’s face as she nodded. “Deal.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i hope you enjoyed! thank you so much for reading.<br/>any comments at all are greatly appreciated... they make me feel warm n fuzzy.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Miscommunication</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Stella gives Dana a scare.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ahhhh i haven’t updated this story in so long, it feels good to be home. i hope you enjoy!!<br/>this chapter is just angsty and soft, but i’ll be posting 14 in the next couple days which is going to be a heavy one, so prepare. </p><p>thank you lainey and montana for your betas. ily ily ily.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rose was alive. Stella was certain of absolutely nothing else in that moment, only that Rose had a pulse and was being loaded onto a gurney. Her heart had stalled in her chest upon the boot of the car being opened, seeing her there stiff and cold. She was certain they’d lost her and for the first time in as long as she could remember she found herself sending up a silent prayer, begging for anyone or anything to bring her back. And it had worked. As she leaned over her, desperately checking for a pulse, Rose suddenly jolted, regaining consciousness. </p><p>Stella stood by as they loaded Rose onto a gurney, carefully placing her into the ambulance. </p><p>“Don’t lose her.” She pleaded with the paramedic who nodded his understanding before rushing towards the driver’s seat. </p><p>The ambulance drove off and Stella followed it down the road, back to where Spector and the other officers were waiting. Upon seeing him, Stella felt a wave of nausea run through her, still not entirely sure she’d really truly found Rose alive, and feeling a particular disgust for him after seeing the state she was in. She stared him down as she continued to walk, calculating in her mind what exactly she would say once she reached him, knowing he would no doubt have some manipulative, condescending remark for her. </p><p>She was only a couple yards away, close enough to see the creases forming on his forehead due to the effervescent smirk adorning his face, when a shot rang out. Kicked into auto pilot, Stella began to run, seeing a man emerge from the woods, gun blazing. The first shot had missed and shattered a window of a police car, but the second hit the officer who was chained to Spector. It was clear Spector was the target, and Stella felt something inside of her jolt at the prospect. Before she could fully process what she was doing, Stella sprinted, throwing herself in front of Spector as the man raised the gun again. </p><p>“Out of the way.” He yelled, not hesitating to squeeze the trigger. </p><p>Realistically, Stella knew he would have no problem shooting her to get her out of his way, but she still had to try. She didn’t budge from her spot blocking Spector, she couldn’t let him die, not like this. She squeezed her eyes shut as she heard three shots ring out and panic overcame her. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>————</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Dana was slumped over on the couch, her lunch sitting in front of her on the coffee table, having barely been touched. Some god awful cop show was on the TV, and though every part of her wanted to despise it, it had drawn her in. A marathon had been on and she spent the better half of her day with her eyes glued to the TV. When it went to commercial break for the eight hundredth time, she sighed and picked her sandwich back up, reminding herself that she needed to eat. She only got a couple bites in before a news update stopped her dead in her tracks, the bite suddenly feeling too big for her mouth.</p><p>“<em>A </em><em>shooting has just been reported near the forest in East Belfast. Four casualties total, their conditions are not yet known. Two of the victims were identified as police, a male and a female. The other two are assumed to have been civilians, one is believed to be the shooter himself.”  </em></p><p>Dana stared at the TV with wide eyes for a moment, trying to reason with her brain, though within seconds the worst case scenario had completely consumed her. </p><p>
  <em> Stella was supposed to be there.  </em>
</p><p>Without hesitation, she picked up her phone, dialing Stella’s number and pacing the room impatiently as she waited for a response. She got none, and tried a few more times until the fourth time her call was sent straight to voicemail and she could no longer contain her panic.</p><p>Without a second thought she threw her shoes and jacket on, grabbing her bag and the keys off the table by the door before walking toward the elevator in a zombified state. Her movements were mechanical – entirely inhuman – as she willed herself not to break down before she was able to make it to the hospital. She had to get there, she had to know.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>————</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Upon arriving at the hospital, Stella immediately started barking orders at any and every one who would listen to her. One doctor in particular didn’t seem to have much appreciation for her telling him how to do his job, which earned her a ticket straight out of A&amp;E. Stella let out a small huff as she walked towards the waiting room, fidgeting with her hands as she went. She was far too anxious to just sit and wait to hear word, she needed to be working. </p><p>Stella was leaning against the wall of the hospital’s hallway, scuffing her foot along the floor when she saw a group of people surrounding a hospital bed as it was wheeled in her direction. It was Rose. She instantly took to her bedside, keeping pace as they continued toward the elevator. </p><p>“Rose. Rose, you’re safe now. Everything’s going to be okay. Everything’s going to be okay.” Stella repeated herself, hoping the message would get through to her, despite her unconscious state. She couldn’t help but feel ravaged with guilt as she looked at her, knowing she was only in this predicament because she had talked to her.</p><p>Before Stella had a chance to decide what to do with herself next, she heard a commotion coming from down the hall. Someone was yelling near the nurse’s station and she realized she recognized the voice as it instinctively drew her away from where she was standing. </p><p>“I’m a medical doctor! Please, I need you to let me in. I’m looking for Stella. Stella Gibson. I need to see her!” There was pure panic in her voice as she pleaded with the nurses who stared at her with wide, uncertain glares.</p><p>“Dana?” Stella asked once she reached her, confusion washing over her. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“Stella!” Dana all but screamed, rushing towards her and throwing her arms around her in an impossibly tight embrace. “Stella. Oh my god.” </p><p>Stella was crushed against Dana’s body, but instinctively her hands raised to cup the back of Dana’s head, holding her closer. </p><p>“What are you doing here?” She repeated her question, pulling back after a moment to look into her fear stricken eyes. </p><p>“I saw the news I… They said there was a shooting, that a female officer had been shot I…” Dana’s eyes raked down her body and somehow grew even wider. “Stella, what happened to you?” She asked, bringing Stella’s attention down to the large blood stain on her shirt that she had yet to register was even there.</p><p>“Oh, god. It’s not mine, the blood isn’t mine.”</p><p>She had held Spector in her arms, trying to stop the blood as it continued to spill out onto her hands and shirt. All she could think of in that moment was him dying. Getting the easy way out while his victims and their families continued to suffer with no real sense of justice. She had to do everything in her power to make sure that would not be the case.</p><p>Her recall was cut short by the feeling of cool air hitting her stomach, causing her to look down. Dana had pulled her shirt up, exposing her stomach and part of her chest to the entire room. She was checking her over, twisting and turning her as she examined with precision. </p><p>“Dana, love, please put my shirt down.” Stella whispered, trying to hide the slight amusement in her voice. </p><p>“But the blood, I have to find the source of the blood.” Dana’s eyes hadn’t left her torso and she was fixated, still trembling.</p><p>“Dana,” Stella repeated, cupping her face in her hands to make her look at her, “I am fine. The blood is not mine.”</p><p>The redhead looked at her face for a moment, searching it for any signs of insincerity, before dropping her gaze back down to her stomach, doing one final look over before pulling her shirt back down. </p><p>“Stella, I thought you’d been shot. I thought… I don’t know.”</p><p>She suddenly felt a bit guilty for wanting to laugh a moment ago, seeing the genuine distress in Dana’s eyes. </p><p>“I’m fine. Look at me. I am okay.”</p><p>“They said there was a female officer shot and I couldn’t help but assume the worst.”</p><p>“It was Dani. She is okay, though. She was wearing a vest, so they’re just checking her over to be sure it didn’t break any ribs before they discharge her.”</p><p>Dana nodded, only half listening as she stared up at Stella with hazy eyes. </p><p>“Spector was shot.” Her voice was heavy and thick. “But we found Rose.”</p><p>Sensing the shift in Stella’s demeanor Dana pulled her close, resting her cheek against her own. </p><p>“You’re going to get blood on you.” She said, but Dana only scoffed.</p><p>“I don’t care. I just need you to be close.” </p><p>Feeling that she was still trembling, Stella pulled her further down the hallway, leading her toward the main entrance where it was a bit quieter. She cupped her face in her hands again, tilting it so that she looked up at her. </p><p>“I can’t believe you came all the way down here for me.”</p><p>“You weren’t answering your phone, Stella.” </p><p>Another wave of guilt washed over her as she pulled her cell phone from her pocket, keeping her other hand against Dana’s cheek. </p><p>“I’m sorry, it’s dead. I didn’t mean to worry you.” </p><p>Dana closed her eyes, taking a deep breath as she leaned into her hand. </p><p>“I’m just glad you’re okay. So many things ran through my head on the way here and it was nauseating.” </p><p>Stella leaned her head forward until their foreheads were pressed together and Dana could feel her breath tickling her face. </p><p>“I’m sorry I scared you.”</p><p>Before either of them had a chance to say anything else a redhead approached them with a small smile. “Hello.”</p><p>“Dani!” Stella said immediately, turning to face her with a contented sigh. “Everything’s alright I take it?”</p><p>She nodded. “Just some bruising, but no broken ribs.”</p><p>“Stella told me you were shot, are you feeling okay?” Dana asked in her cool doctor tone. </p><p>“Yes, I’m fine, thank you. No thanks to Stella.” There was a hint of amusement in her voice though it made Stella’s head drop instantly.</p><p>“I’m sorry?” Dana asked and Dani’s eyes grew wide.</p><p>“Stella, you didn’t tell her?” The blonde continued to avoid eye contact, making the younger redhead sigh, “I was trying to save her ass after she jumped in front of the gun to shield Spector.” There was no malice in her voice, she was simply telling a story, though Dana felt her blood run cold. </p><p>“Is that so?” Her gaze fell to Stella, who was still looking at the ground. </p><p>“I saw her step in front of him and knew the shooter wouldn’t hesitate to get her out of the way. I was wearing a vest and she wasn’t so it only felt right to jump in the way.” </p><p>Dana smiled softly, a plethora of different emotions running through her, before she impulsively reached out for the younger redhead. She crushed her against her chest without warning, causing Dani to yelp slightly due to the tenderness of her ribcage. </p><p>“I’m sorry!” Dana said, realizing she’d hurt her. “Thank you, though. For saving my girlfriend’s dumb ass.” </p><p>Dani nodded with a smirk before stepping away to head toward the exit. Stella had yet to meet Dana’s gaze, still staring at the floor as she prepared herself to be lectured. </p><p>“You jumped between a gun and a serial killer.” She stated, her voice unreadable.</p><p>“I just… I couldn't let him die, Dana. I couldn’t let it end like that. He deserves to be punished for everything he’s done, and his victims and their families deserve justice. That’s all I was thinking about in that moment, <em> especially </em> after seeing what he’d done to Rose.” </p><p>Stella’s voice was uncharacteristically shaky and it put a damper on Dana’s frustration. She pulled Stella close to her again, wrapping her arms around her waist. </p><p>“I understand that. You’re right, that is too easy of an out for him. But I can’t lose you, so you can’t go doing stupid things like that. Okay?”</p><p>Stella nodded, finally meeting her gaze. </p><p>“I know. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“No more jumping in front of bullets.” Dana said sternly, though her lips were curving up into a grin. “If you die I will have to bring you back to life and we all know how Frankenstein ends.”</p><p>Stella let out a deep belly laugh and it filled Dana with every form of contentment imaginable. </p><p>“I’ll be done here soon. Would you rather go back to the hotel or wait for me and go together?”</p><p>“I’m not leaving you.” Dana shook her head. “I’ll stay right here until you’re ready to leave.”</p><p>It filled Stella with an odd emotion, having someone care so deeply for her. This certainly hadn’t been the first time that Dana had made her feel cared for, but this was entirely different. No one had ever checked in with her like this, dropped everything to rush to her to make sure she was okay. No one had ever wanted to sit in a hospital waiting room for hours while she finished up her work just so that they didn’t have to leave her side. </p><p>“I will wrap up as quickly as possible. I promise.”</p><p>The way Stella was allowing Dana to check on her, be there for her, wait for her, was entirely foreign. Dana was used to Mulder who was always separating from her, sending her to do a stupid task while he went off to put his life in danger, and when he’d return he would chastise her for caring about him. Stella wasn’t doing that though, she met her concern with empathy and understanding, and rather than pushing her away she was allowing her to stay. Indulging her need to have eyes on her and know, after a grueling last couple hours, that everything was indeed okay.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hope you enjoyed!!! i’m sorry it’s taken me so long to update. </p><p>get ready for some heavy but soft content. </p><p>comments are always appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Revelations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Stella opens up to Dana about her past traumas. <br/>tw for mentions of sexual trauma &amp; selfharm, no graphic descriptions of either.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i put a lot of thought and love into this one, i hope that shines through. this chapter means a lot to me. i really think this is a part of stella’s story (in some way) and that the show never got a chance to dig deeper on it, and it’s a part of her character i really identify with. i hope i did it justice. </p><p>i used some dialogue from the fall, that does not belong to me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Stella spent the majority of her morning hovering at the nurse’s desk in the ICU while Tom Stagg sat at his wife’s bedside in agony. Though she was alive and she was responsive, she hadn’t done much talking and was clearly in distress. Seeing her husband had only brought her a moment of solace before she returned back to her rock-like state, staring off into the far corner of the room while he sat and tried to speak to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few hours he decided to head home after she begged him to bring their daughter back with him so she could see her. He finally agreed, and nodded to Stella that he was ready to go. The blonde followed him out into the hallway, keeping a respectable distance behind him as they walked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Has she spoken to you? Has she told you anything? Did he…” He started in with the questions as soon as they reached the hallway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s hardly said a word yet. It’s too soon.” Stella paused and took a breath as they reached the waiting room. “She’ll see the police doctor in the morning and we’ll know more after that but… She’ll talk in her own time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t bear to think of her alone with him for all that time. Can’t bear to think of him laying a hand on her…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tom… try not to imagine things that very probably didn’t even occur.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m furious with myself for not being there to protect her. If I’d been in bed with her it never would’ve happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tom, you don’t know that. It could’ve been far worse. Look at what happened with Joe Brawley.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words seemed to reach Tom’s ears and he considered them for a moment before she could see him getting worked up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t she cry out? Or scream? Why didn’t she fight him? Why did she go with him?” He was clearly spiraling and Stella shut it down instantly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tom. I need you to listen to me right now.” Once he met her gaze she continued, “Men always think in terms of fight or flight. In fact, the most common instinct in the face of this kind of threat is to freeze. If she didn’t fight, if she didn’t scream, if she was silent and numb it’s because she was petrified. If she went with him quietly it’s because she was afraid for her life. And not just her life. Yours and Nancy’s and the baby’s.” Stella’s breath caught in her throat for a moment, though she remained composed. “In that state of fear she might well have been compliant. She might well have submitted. But that does </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>mean she consented.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A silence hung between them for a moment as he watched her, processing the words she’d just spoken. Stella found herself feeling thrown back into a space she hadn’t been in a long time and she didn’t like it. Her mind was flooded with thoughts and feelings of past experiences and it unnerved her more than she’d care to admit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tom, the way you behave…” She drew in a shaky breath, “The way you approach your role as Rose's helper will either make her experience better or worse. If you react badly you will devastate her... or you can be... a big part of her healing and recovery. What she needs from you right now is to know that she’s safe. To know that she’s loved.” As she spoke her mind wandered to Dana and an abundance of strong emotions settled into her chest. “Be patient. Be tender. Tomorrow’s another day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>——</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Stella sat with Dana on the bed, her head resting against the headboard as red hair splayed across her chest. She was deep in thought about her conversation with Tom Stagg and she found that she could no longer hold herself together. The remainder of her day had been filled with negative, intrusive thoughts from past traumas and she found there was only one thing that felt like a viable solution. She wanted to bare her soul to Dana, no matter how much it petrified her. The deepest, darkest parts of her had always been for her eyes only, until now. Now she had a partner to share everything with, and that included the difficult things. She was ready, despite the fear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dana, can I tell you something I've never really told anyone before?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s ... heavy. Are you sure?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stella, I’ve already told you, I’m here. I want to be a safe place for you to confide. There’s nothing you could ever tell me that would make me love you any less or think any less of you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stella took a deep, shaky breath and closed her eyes. “After my father died I developed some... unhealthy... coping mechanisms</span>
  <em>
    <span>.”</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Dana nodded, thinking of the slightly raised scars on Stella's inner thighs and feet. She’d noticed them the first time they’d had sex, but she could tell they were private and felt Stella would talk about them in her own time if she wanted to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The self harm?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The question took Stella by surprise, but she nodded. She hadn’t realized Dana knew about them. Maybe it was naive to assume she hadn’t, but she’d yet to ever bring it up. A warmth spread in Stella’s chest as the realization hit her that Dana had noticed them, had understood what they were, but chose not to interrogate her about them. It made her even more sure that she was ready to tell her everything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes… That was part of it. But my self destructive behavior didn’t stop there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana nodded, reaching out to lace her fingers with the blonde’s, sensing her hesitation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sex became a bit of a crutch. And there were older men. Too old, really. They weren’t always nice or gentle. In fact most of them weren’t.” Stella trailed off as she started to tremble slightly, though Dana could see she was fighting against it. “I told myself I was in control because I’d initiated it but… I wasn’t. The first time things became… unsettling… It was with my dad’s best friend. I was fifteen, and my father had been dead nearly a year. I was struggling, badly, and he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>there for me</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I thought he was trustworthy. Though now, looking back, if he was trustworthy then he wouldn’t have been willing to fuck me in the first place but… I thought I wanted to sleep with him. I did, a couple times, but this particular time I changed my mind. I tried to put an end to it and he hurt me. Forced himself on me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana felt her heart sink in her chest as she held her girlfriend close, but she didn’t dare speak. She wanted to give Stella all the time she needed to say what she needed to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It went on for a couple years. And there were other men. I had myself so convinced that I could handle what was happening. That I was in control because I chose to seek them out, but then if I ever changed my mind, it was clear that I wasn’t. I didn’t feel like I had a say. If they were forceful I would just let it happen because I didn’t want to be hurt the way I was the first time.” Stella’s brain was in overdrive, willing her to stop talking, but she reminded herself she was safe. “It took me a while to admit to myself that it was rape. I didn’t allow myself to process it or talk about it. My mom and I weren’t close, in fact I was pretty sure she despised me. I didn’t have friends, really. I didn’t have anyone </span>
  <em>
    <span>to </span>
  </em>
  <span>tell. So I didn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She let out a huff of a laugh as she blinked back tears. “I just buried it. Kept it to myself. It ate away at me at times, so I tried to come up with my own ways to work through it, but it still fucks with me. I became so obsessed with control, having complete and total control over every aspect of my life. Sex stayed a crutch, but I always held the reigns, didn’t let any vulnerability or weakness shine through. Until you. You make me feel like I can let my guard down for just a minute when I’m with you. I didn’t think I was ever going tell anyone this but… You go out of your way to make sure I know that I am safe and that I am loved, so I wanted to tell you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she was finished talking Stella held her breath for a long moment, waiting for Dana to speak. The silence seemed never ending and her head was pounding. Dana’s arms were still wrapped tightly around her but a part of her couldn’t help but worry that now that she knew her baggage, she would flee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are loved. And you are safe.” Dana whispered, gathering her bearings once she was sure Stella was finished. “Thank you for telling me, for opening this part of yourself to me. It couldn’t have been easy, and it means more to me than you know. I love you so much, Stella. So very much.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t easy… I don’t like thinking about it, but it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> easy to tell you. Earlier today it hit me and I just knew that as long as it was you I was telling, I could talk about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dana smiled softly, lifting Stella’s chin up so that their eyes met. Her fingers softly grazed the skin of her cheek and she felt a surge of anger run through her at the thought that any man, or any person at all for that matter, could hurt Stella, though she kept it below the surface. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, I just love you so much.” She blurted as her heart twinged in her chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said that already.” Stella said with a grin. “But I love you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I am going to keep telling you every chance I get until the day I die.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stella dropped her sight back down to their hands that were still intertwined and gently lifted them to place a kiss on Dana’s knuckles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for listening to me and being my safe place. Thank you for not overreacting and just letting me talk. The way you responded gave me the strength I needed to keep going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve told you before, you’re the strongest person I know, Stella. Nothing will ever change my mind.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For the first time in her whole life Stella felt seen in every sense of the word. She’d spent so many years thinking that if anyone ever saw her, all of her, it would scare them away and she would be alone again, but Dana was staying. Not only was she staying, but she was supporting her and loving her through it and that was more than Stella ever thought possible. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As they laid there drifting off to sleep, they held each other close and a whole new sense of intimacy was felt between them. Stella had bared her soul to its full extent, and Dana had welcomed her openness with absolute love and acceptance. They now understood every small part of one another, the good and the bad, and Stella felt truly whole for the first time in as long as she could remember. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>wellll. i hope, if you got this far, this chapter was ok. i would love feedback, if you have any at all.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Consume</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Stella calls into work and her and Dana fuck and fuck and fuck.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this started as a “short filler” chapter but now it’s over 3,000 words and it’s all smut. enjoy! </p><p>thank you montana for being my sanity in getting this chapter finished and for being the best beta one could ask for, i love you.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the early hours of the morning Stella woke to the feeling of lips pressing against her face. Her cheeks, her nose, her forehead, her chin, her eyelids, her lips. Every inch was thoroughly covered and she fought to keep her eyes closed, hoping it would last forever. However, she couldn’t help the smile that curved onto her face, giving her away. </p><p>“Good morning. It’s time to get up.” Dana whispered, noticing Stella coming to. “You have to get to work.” </p><p>Stella groaned and scrunched her nose, keeping her eyes shut tight. “How about I just stay here with you?” Her voice was raspy and heavy with sleep. </p><p>Dana leaned down and pressed her lips to the blonde’s, melting against her like warm velvet. Stella’s eyes finally opened as her tongue brushed across her bottom lip, staring straight into her girlfriends bright blue eyes. The kiss remained soft, unhurried and gentle, two bodies holding each other in a content embrace. </p><p>“You really <em> do </em> have to go to work.” Dana said once they finally broke away, leaning down to peck one more kiss against her lips. </p><p>“I really <em> do </em> want to stay here with you.” Stella retorted, pulling Dana down so that their faces were mere inches from each other. “I want to stay in this bed all day and absolutely consume you.” </p><p>Dana felt a shiver go down her spine and she had to admit, it was a nice idea. Glancing over to the clock, she sat up and grabbed Stella’s phone. </p><p>“Well then you better call Jim.” </p><p>She was half joking, expecting Stella to laugh and drag herself from the bed to start getting ready, though to her surprise, she took her phone from her hand. </p><p>“I better.” </p><p>Dana kept waiting for it to be a joke, waiting for Stella to hang up or get up and start getting ready, but she never did. She called Jim, told him she was ill and wouldn’t be coming in before hanging up and turning back to her. </p><p>“There, now I’m all yours.” Stella tossed her phone over her shoulder, uncaring as it hit the floor rather than the bed. </p><p>She reached out and cupped Dana’s face in her hands, pulling her closer until their lips met again. They stayed like that for a while, Dana’s hands coming up to settle on top of Stella’s, their lips melting together until they weren’t sure where one of them began and the other ended. When they finally stopped to take a breath Dana reached for the hotel phone with a smirk. </p><p>“Breakfast in bed?” She suggested, and Stella’s eyes lit up. </p><p>“Absolutely.” </p><p>Dana picked up the phone, ordering waffles and an omelet for them to split, and was about to hang up when Stella snatched it from her hands. </p><p>“Bring a side of whipped cream too, please.” </p><p>The redhead’s eyebrow quirked up at the addition, thinking that she’d never seen Stella eat whipped cream before, but she let it go instantly when their kiss resumed. Stella laid her back, kissing her softly a moment longer before she pulled away and stared down at her in awe. </p><p>“Do you know that I love you?” She muttered, causing Dana to grin. </p><p>“Mm, I believe I do. Yes.” </p><p>“But <em> do you </em> know? Like do you <em> really</em>?” </p><p>Dana looked at her with amusement and confusion, her eyebrows threading into a squint. </p><p>“What are you talking about?” She asked with a hint of a laugh, temporarily wondering if Stella was on something. </p><p>“I mean, just look at you. These freckles.” She paused as she lifted her fingertip to her face, softly dotting each individual freckle. “This perfect nose.” Her fingertip moved to run along the length of it. “These pretty blue eyes. These lips.” She dipped down to brush her own along them gently for a moment before continuing. “These cheeks that are always so rosy. These smile lines that have only become more prominent since I’ve met you.” She stared down at her intently, her eyes wide and her pupils dilated. “You’re just so perfect. You’re breathtaking.” </p><p>“Coming from you? Please.” Dana reached up to brush her hand along Stella’s cheek, her eyes locked with hers. “You’re awfully soft today.” </p><p>Stella squinted at her, pursing her lips. “No I’m not. No, I hate everyone.” </p><p>“Not everyone,” Dana chuckled. “You don’t hate me.” </p><p>“Mmm... that is correct. I don’t hate you.” </p><p>Dana started to respond but before she was able, Stella leaned in and captured her lips in another kiss. They stayed that way, pressed up against each other, until a knock at the door drew them apart. </p><p>“Stay here.” Dana instructed, rolling out of bed and fishing a robe off the floor before heading toward the door. </p><p>Stella stayed put, watching intently as she answered the door and tipped the hotel employee, bringing the tray with their breakfast in and setting it on the bed. The blonde sat up, scooting toward the end of the mattress to start unraveling the silverware from its cloth. They both settled in, eating slowly as they made eyes at one another, the simple act of having breakfast together seemingly awe-inspiring. </p><p>“Why’d you ask for whipped cream?” Dana asked as she watched Stella scoop a big glob of it onto her index finger. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat it-” </p><p>Before she could finish her sentence Stella swiped her finger onto her nose, coating it with the cool topping. </p><p>“Stella!”</p><p>Instantly, the blonde leaned forward and licked it clean, humming as the subtly sweet cream mixed with the saltiness of Dana’s skin. </p><p>“So I could do that.” She responded, leaning in once more to peck a kiss onto the tip of her nose. Dana smiled, feeling equally amused and adored. </p><p>“Do it again.” She whispered daringly, sitting perfectly still. </p><p>Without hesitation Stella scooped more whipped cream onto her finger, swiping it onto her nose and lips before leaning in to lick them clean. She hovered over her lips momentarily and Dana quickly closed the distance, sighing as their tongues met and whipped cream spread between their mouths. </p><p>“God, we have to finish this food. Now.” Stella mumbled, her lips still pressed against Dana’s. “I want you naked on the bed and I need you to come for me.”</p><p>A shiver went down Dana’s spine and she felt a rush of arousal at the need in Stella’s voice. They hastily continued eating and Dana momentarily worried the blonde may choke with how quickly she was shoveling in food. An idea came to her as she watched her, causing a devious smile to creep across her face.</p><p>Slowly, she reached over Stella to the plate of waffles and, as languildy as possible, cut a piece off, making sure it was smothered in syrup before bringing it back towards her. She subtly shook the fork in her hand, causing some syrup to drop onto her chest and gasped a tiny “oops” as she brought the bite to her mouth. Stella swallowed thickly and stared at the stream of sticky syrup running down her chest. Leaning down, her tongue darted from her mouth and lapped at the spot, trailing from just below her breast all the way up to her neck. She stayed there for a moment, nipping and sucking at her skin, before trailing back down to be sure she’d thoroughly cleaned her off. Dana moaned, quickly swallowing the bite so she could pull Stella’s face to hers and join their lips again. </p><p>Stella pulled back and smiled at her, looking back at the tray to take another bite, but before she could, Dana grabbed her, shoving her back against the mattress and pinning her beneath her. She leaned down and kissed her square on the forehead, pulling back with a warm smile. </p><p>“Dana, we have to finish the food.”</p><p>The redhead simply lifted her finger to Stella’s mouth and shushed her. </p><p>“It’s my turn to tell you how perfect <em> you </em> are, be quiet.” She ran her nimble fingers against her hairline, caressing her cheek with the other hand. “I love these freckles of yours too. I love your smokey blue eyes, and the way you look absolutely astonishing every second of every day without even a drop of makeup. I love that you are resilient and powerful and headstrong. I love how you know what you want and you get it, every time without fail. I love the way you love me. I love the way you have so much care and empathy in your heart, even if you aren’t always able to show it. I love knowing you the way you have allowed me to.” </p><p>Stella stared up at her, rendered entirely speechless for a moment. She would never tire of hearing Dana remind her how loved she is, which was something she never thought she’d need. Her lips curved up into a smile and she popped her head up, sneaking a quick peck against the redhead’s lips. They stared into each other’s eyes for a while, communicating without words as they held each other close. With little warning, the air between them shifted and it suddenly became crucial that they be even closer. </p><p>Stella hooked her leg around Dana’s hip and swiftly flipped them, hovering over top of her as a plan formulated in her brain. </p><p>“Dana, I want to try something different… Are you okay with that?” </p><p>The redhead stared up at her with twinkly eyes and nodded, her breath already becoming uneven. Stella eased herself off the bed, opening the drawer to the nightstand on Dana’s side of the bed. She retrieved the hot pink vibrator before shuffling over to her bag that lay against the wall, digging around for a moment. Eventually, she pulled out her own eggplant purple Mimi, and made her way back over to the bed. Dana’s breath hitched at the sight of them, a plethora of possibilities filing her head. Stella climbed back onto the bed stealthily, setting the toys down beside her before hovering over her once more. </p><p>“I want to watch you make yourself come.” Stella whispered, her warm breath tickling Dana’s face, causing goosebumps to form. </p><p>She shuddered, nodding slowly as her eyelids grew heavy with lust. </p><p>“Fuck.” Was all she could manage. </p><p>“I’ll take that as a yes.” </p><p>Stella picked up the hot pink pebble and turned it on before handing it to Dana. The redhead took it, bumping it up a couple speeds before bringing it down to her clit. The moment the vibrations touched her flesh she moaned. She held it there for a moment before lifting her hips up to grind into the toy. Her breathing quickened, short pants escaping her mouth as she turned the speed up again. Stella watched her intently, her eyes flashing back and forth between the vibrator against her slick, wet clit and her face that was twisted up in pleasure.</p><p>“S-Stella… I want to watch you too.” Dana mumbled, upping the speed once again. </p><p>“You will, you will. Just a few more seconds, I want to watch you a bit longer.” </p><p>She continued to stare, biting her lip as Dana’s moans and whimpers gradually became louder. When Dana bucked her hips again on a low whine and shot her a desperate look, Stella finally gave in, grabbing her own vibrator from the bed and turning it on. She wasted no time getting it exactly where she needed it, a soft moan escaping her lips at the sensation as she continued to watch Dana work herself to an orgasm.</p><p>“You. Are. So. Fucking. Beautiful.” Stella panted between quick breaths as she started to grind herself down against the toy. </p><p>Dana’s eyes were open wide, watching Stella hungrily as her climax neared. The added stimulation of watching Stella masturbate only pushed her along faster and she felt her walls beginning to flutter and clench around nothing. </p><p>“Stella, I’m gonna come.” She whispered breathlessly, causing the blonde to smile and bump up her own speed a few notches, drawing a low moan from her lips.</p><p>The moan was Dana’s undoing and she threw her head back as she bit the inside of her cheek, trying to suppress her own cries so that she could hear the softness of Stella’s. Her breathing was broken and short as she ground her hips against the toy, riding out the entirety of her orgasm until the vibrations became too much for her and she had to toss it aside. </p><p>“Fuck!” She nearly yelled, watching Stella’s eyes fall shut as she worked herself to her own release.</p><p>Dana pulled herself up, sitting in front of Stella so she could watch her, drinking in every small gasp and moan the blonde made as she rode the small toy. She couldn’t help herself and leaned in to press her lips against Stella’s, making her open her eyes as they connected. </p><p>“This is cheating.” Stella sighed, though Dana ignored her and kissed her harder.</p><p>Their lips slid together sloppily as the toy buzzed against Stella’s clit and the mixture of sensations quickly overtook her. She gasped into Dana’s mouth, feeling a wave of pleasure crash over her as her climax peaked. </p><p>“Oh god.” She whispered into her mouth, using her free hand to hold Dana’s face to her own as she held the vibrator still against her. “Fuuuck.” </p><p>When she felt her body settle slightly she threw the toy away to land next to Dana’s as she pushed her back against the headboard. Despite being breathless, they stayed like that, lips and tongues intertwining, until they felt like they may pass out. They eventually broke away for air and stared into one another’s eyes again, feeling their love for each other pool between them. </p><p>“I need a second, and then I have to make you come myself.” Stella stated, resting her head against Dana’s shoulder as she fought to catch her breath. </p><p>They laid there until they’d both relaxed enough to breathe steadily. Stella rolled off of her lap and settled next to her on the bed, trailing gentle kisses from her jawline down to her shoulder. Dana craned her neck, giving Stella more space to explore her with her mouth. She sighed contentedly at the feeling of her warm and familiar lips grazing her skin as they left a trail of fire in their wake. </p><p>“Lie flat.” Stella demanded softly, grabbing hold of Dana’s arm to guide her down. </p><p>Once her back was against the mattress, Stella shifted so that she was between her legs, patting her thighs to get her to part them. Instantly, Dana obliged, letting her legs fall open so that Stella could sneak between them. She leaned forward, resting her chest against Dana’s, and crashed their lips together again. </p><p>“This is something I think about doing with you all the time.” Stella murmured, pushing the redhead’s left leg flat against the mattress before swinging her right leg over it. </p><p>Instantly, Dana knew what was coming and felt as if her insides were melting at the thought of it. Stella kept a generous amount of distance between them for a moment as she leaned back in for another kiss, but when Dana moaned softly, she couldn’t wait any longer. She lowered herself, lining their pussies together as she began to grind against her. Dana instantly cried out at the feeling of Stella’s wetness against her own, hearing the blonde’s breath hitch above her as their clits ground together. Stella held a steady movement, gently rocking her hips over and over, feeling a warmth spread in her lower belly. Dana’s hips rocked up to meet her movements, keeping them synced in a flawless give and take as they ground against each other.</p><p>Stella had never actually finished from scissoring alone and had assumed this time would be no different. She was shocked, however, as she felt her orgasm slowly begin to build. Everytime she opened her eyes Dana was there beneath her, panting and whimpering as she lost herself in pleasure, and it worked her higher and higher.</p><p>Increasing her thrusts, she grabbed a hold of Dana’s left thigh, squeezing it tight as she rode her harder. Dana let out a deep guttural moan and it sent Stella flying, her orgasm slamming into her sooner than she’d expected it to. She rode out her pleasure, moaning and yelling as she went, hoping to get Dana there with her quickly. She looked down to see her partner's eyes closed, her eyebrows perked and her lips pressed together, telling Stella she was close.</p><p>Even after her climax had come to an end Stella kept her same quick thrusting movements, grinding down harder and readjusting so that Dana’s clit was the sole focus. A few particularly powerful thrusts later, Dana was coming, her shoulders lifting off the mattress as she attempted to meet Stella’s movements. Her head fell back and she moaned as Stella helped ride her orgasm into completion. She dropped herself back to the bed once her head stopped spinning and took a deep breath, opening her eyes to gaze up at the blonde above her. </p><p>“Stella… That was… Wow.” </p><p>Stella smiled, rolling off of her and planting a kiss on her temple. </p><p>“I have to tell you something.” Dana looked up at her expectantly. “I have never come from just scissoring before… But this time, oh this time I did. </p><p>Dana smiled, a sense of pride swelling in her chest. Her cheeks flushed pink and she covered them briefly before returning her gaze back to Stella.</p><p>“Well we’re just going to have to do that more often from now on then.”</p><p>Stella laughed, pecking another kiss against her temple before nuzzling her nose against the side of her head.</p><p> </p><p>The rest of their morning was spent in bed; kissing, tasting, touching, teasing one another, until Dana insisted they stop to eat lunch. Stella groaned at the idea at first, but her stomach growled almost immediately at the mention of food and she found she didn’t have much room to argue. They ordered room service again, deciding to shower while they waited for their food to be brought up.</p><p>They got in together, taking turns holding each other under the hot spray of the water before cleaning one another tenderly. Beneath the faucet, they stood in a comfortable embrace until they were both pruney and overly warm, persuading them that it was time to get out.</p><p>Grabbing two fluffy hotel towels from above the toilet, Stella held one out to Dana, wrapping her in it, before wrapping the second around herself. A knock at their door forced Stella to throw a robe on before she was totally dry to go get their food, leaving Dana to dry off on her own. By the time she left the bathroom, Stella already had the tray of food set up on the bed. </p><p>“You gonna put clothes on?” Stella asked with an amused smirk at the sight of Dana standing there naked. </p><p>“Nope.” </p><p>With that, Dana settled on the bed and grabbed her salad, hunger overcoming her as she began to inhale the lettuce. It didn’t take long for either of them to finish, both famished from their morning activities. When they were both full and content, Stella moved the tray to the floor and sprawled herself out on the left side of the bed with a deep sigh. Dana followed suit on the right side, letting her hand graze against Stella’s softly. </p><p>“I’m really glad you decided not to go to work today. This day has been absolutely perfect.” </p><p>Stella smiled, letting her head fall to the side so that her gaze met her girlfriend’s. </p><p>“I’m glad too. I never take days off, and I certainly never get to spend them like this.” </p><p>Dana rolled over so she was resting against her chest, feeling her heartbeat against her arm. They stayed like that for only a moment before Stella rolled herself, trapping Dana beneath her once again. She leaned in and sealed their lips with a kiss, pressing her weight lightly against Dana’s body as her hand snaked between them. </p><p>“Not even going to let our food digest?” The redhead asked, her voice already thick with arousal. </p><p>“Nope.” </p><p>Stella’s lips dropped to her neck, nipping and sucking as her hand continued its venture, gathering her wetness on her fingers. Dana moaned softly as two fingers pushed into her.</p><p>Stella fingered her slowly, expertly stroking and teasing, brushing against all the right places. As she continued her languorous thrusts in and out, she lightly stroked her g spot, driving Dana crazy and causing her to arch and shudder beneath her. She reveled in the reactions Dana’s body had to her touch, wanting to spend an eternity learning and pleasing her.</p><p>Stella had been so focused on Dana’s facial expressions– watching them shift as she squirmed beneath her at the sensual and languid movements– that she hadn’t noticed the redhead’s hand venturing up her thigh, beneath the opening in her robe. Before she’d realized they were even between her legs, she felt two nimble fingers slip inside her and she gasped before grinding her hips down to push them deeper.</p><p>Stella didn’t miss a beat, adding a third finger inside of Dana and bringing her thumb up to her clit. The redhead cried out beneath her, her own fingers finding their own clumsy rhythm inside of Stella as she teetered on the edge of her orgasm. Stella held her against her chest, letting small whimpers out through her open mouth as she continued her movements, thrusting to hit her g spot with more fervor.</p><p>When Dana’s orgasm washed over her it was soft and warm and strong. She felt it in every nerve and her limbs tingled softly as Stella clutched her tight against her chest, pushing her through the entirety of her climax. As soon as she came back to earth Dana flipped over, resting her weight on Stella as she quickened her rhythm, fingering her fast and hard, sending her into a slew of inaudible moans. </p><p>“Just like that. Yes. Harder.” Stella mumbled, her eyes screwed tightly shut as Dana plunged into her relentlessly. She came hard, gasping slightly as her orgasm slammed into her, pulling Dana down to her lips and melting against her. </p><p>They laid there breathless, Stella unable to open her eyes for a few minutes as she recovered from her high. Dana watched her in awe, leaning her forehead against hers with a content smile. </p><p>There were not words to properly express how badly they both wished everyday could be like this one. Not a single thing could be more perfect, and they reveled in the oasis that they’d created. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i hope you enjoyed!!! this chapter was not in the plans, but it was fun and i decided it needed to exist so now it does. </p><p>feedback is always welcome and appreciated!</p>
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